Do you have a greater desire to die as you get older?

[Madaglan]

An honest question. Personally for me I don’t see anything good left in my life. Things used to be really good for me 12 years ago. About 5 years ago I was still happy occassionally and had goals and anticipations. 4 years ago I was content, but rarely happy. 3 years: hell broke loose and I began to have a constant desire to die. 2 years ago: same. 1 year: same. Now: have lost all hope of future happiness.

Any inspiring comments?

 

[Dismas2004]

I have no words, but can only offer up my prayers and a link. The link is to a Catholic Home Study service that has a book called the Search for Happiness. It helped me while in prison, the arm pit of the earth, and I was happy. Surely, it may be of help to you. Take care and May God Bless You because He Loves you!

amm.org/chss.htm

The Search For Happiness by Fr. Oscar Lukefahr.

 

[Sola]

Madaglen, when you say you have a constant desire to die, are you talking about suicidal impulses? Please do not hurt yourself!!!

I don’t really know what to say, except, no, I don’t have a desire to die as I get older. I’m almost 40 and want to live as much as when I was 20.

It sounds like you are in a depression, perhaps caused by the hell that you say broke loose a few years ago, or perhaps it’s been creeping up on you. There is help for depression, medical and psychological.

Do you feel like talking to your priest or your doctor? Is there something you’d like to talk about here?

Please, just don’t hurt yourself. I know life really sucks a lot of the time, which is why Jesus is so important. He is what gets us through this suffering on earth. He is our inspiration and our Savior.

I am praying for you, and for you, too, Dismas - bless you and thanks to be God that you got out of prison.

 

[kmmd]

I don’t know if this will help, but here is my two cents:

I became much happier when I learned that we were not really meant to be happy in this life. We are strangers in a strange land. Aliens here on earth when our real home is in heaven and we won’t really be happy until we get there.

Instead of trying to be happy, I work on getting to heaven.

Try to join your suffering to Jesus on the Cross. He endured every kind of human suffering during his passion and death. In addition to all of the physical suffering, we know that he suffered fear and loathing during His agony in the garden. Then, all of His friends desserted him just when He needed them most. By His suffering we were saved. One of the lessons of that is that suffering has some value. It is way beyond our meager capacity to understand how it all works, but with faith and hope we can endure and even ask that God accept the suffering that we feel as a sacrificial offering.

Of course we are more ready to die when we get older. We can’t wait to get home.

May God send His holy angels to strengthen you and give you courage.

 

[Dismas2004]

Sola:

Madaglen, when you say you have a constant desire to die, are you talking about suicidal impulses? Please do not hurt yourself!!!

I don’t really know what to say, except, no, I don’t have a desire to die as I get older. I’m almost 40 and want to live as much as when I was 20.

It sounds like you are in a depression, perhaps caused by the hell that you say broke loose a few years ago, or perhaps it’s been creeping up on you. There is help for depression, medical and psychological.

Do you feel like talking to your priest or your doctor? Is there something you’d like to talk about here?

Please, just don’t hurt yourself. I know life really sucks a lot of the time, which is why Jesus is so important. He is what gets us through this suffering on earth. He is our inspiration and our Savior.

I am praying for you, and for you, too, Dismas - bless you and thanks to be God that you got out of prison.

Thank you, and I you.
FYI - I’m currently a student studying Psychology and Theology at a Catholic University in Kansas! Your prayers help, even before you say them. May God bless and Keep you becuase He Loves you.

 

[Madaglan]

Originally Quoted by Dismas2004:

I have no words, but can only offer up my prayers and a link. The link is to a Catholic Home Study service that has a book called the Search for Happiness. It helped me while in prison, the arm pit of the earth, and I was happy. Surely, it may be of help to you. Take care and May God Bless You because He Loves you!

Yes, thank you for your prayers. I checked out the site. It looks like they offer some pretty good correspondence courses. I have things to do right now, but I’ll take a look at it by late December, after school lets out.

Originally Quoted by Sola:
Madaglen, when you say you have a constant desire to die, are you talking about suicidal impulses? Please do not hurt yourself!!!

No, I do not have suicidal impulses. It’s more like a nonchalant feeling. If someone put a gun to my head and threatened to shoot me, I probably wouldn’t be too concerned.

Originally Quoted by Sola:
It sounds like you are in a depression, perhaps caused by the hell that you say broke loose a few years ago, or perhaps it’s been creeping up on you. There is help for depression, medical and psychological.

Do you feel like talking to your priest or your doctor? Is there something you’d like to talk about here?

Yes, it is a depression. The doctor said that it wasn’t major, manic or bipolar depression; but that it is chronic. The depression both has been creeping up on me as well as a series of events which seemed to turn my emotional switch off. I have spoken with two priests about this–although only through online and on the phone, not in person, since they live a state away. They have recommended some things for me. I’ve been to a few doctors. They gave me some medicines about a year and an half ago, but those only made me feel worse and I’m almost certain they deepened the depression. I stopped them about a year ago.

Originally Quoted by kmmd:

I don’t know if this will help, but here is my two cents:

I became much happier when I learned that we were not really meant to be happy in this life. We are strangers in a strange land. Aliens here on earth when our real home is in heaven and we won’t really be happy until we get there.

Instead of trying to be happy, I work on getting to heaven*.**

Thank you for your advice. We are not meant to be happy in this life; nor were we meant to be completely miserable. I know that my life isn’t going to be perfect as things are perfect in heaven. It’s just that most people have things to look forward to, even if they are interspersed amongst days of turmoil. Especially at my age. I’m 21 (22 in Dec.). I feel extremely lonely on campus. I am a member of Newman Club, but it is small, and the people aren’t really interested in learning more about the Catholic faith (it’s more of a social club). Other issues which really bother me are: 1) Seeing everyone around me making plans for getting married, when I haven’t even had a girlfriend yet; 2) Not knowing what I’m going to be doing after I graduate this Dec. I’m finding my present English major fairly unrewarding; 3) Problems with school (some problems learning); 4) Social anxiety

I don’t know how to explain how I feel. I don’t really feel anything. I used to be very hard working; but now I almost don’t care for my studies. Just everything seems so black. No positive emotions; no really memorable experiences past few years. I try to do cognitive thinking when I think bad thoughts–I try to make good out of the best of my situation. But it’s really hard when you have no friends to talk with for days on end–sometimes speaking only 30 words a day or so. I know that you’re going to tell me to join clubs, but I’ve done that. I have problems connecting with the other people for some reason. Maybe it’s just this college.

(continued next post)

 

[Madaglan]

I came to school from high school with high expectations. I was a poor student at first in high school, but I worked hard throughout the years to get good enough grades to come here on scholarship. I thought that once I got here I’d be having the best years of my life. I at first liked the idea of more freedom in choosing when to do work, and I honestly thought that I’d find a girlfriend and possibly spouse here. I thought that, after what I considered to be the four worst years of my life (high school), God would change things and give me four good years in college. I was wrong.

I think I’ll stop here. I unfortunately don’t think there’s much you can do. I’ve prayed a lot, have gone to healing masses, bought miraculous medal, etc.–I even got the sacrament of annointing of the sick. None of this seems to be helping though. I almost feel as though God has abandoned me. Thank you for your advice though.

 

[kmmd]

I’m 21 (22 in Dec.). I feel extremely lonely on campus. I am a member of Newman Club, but it is small, and the people aren’t really interested in learning more about the Catholic faith (it’s more of a social club). Other issues which really bother me are: 1) Seeing everyone around me making plans for getting married, when I haven’t even had a girlfriend yet; 2) Not knowing what I’m going to be doing after I graduate this Dec. I’m finding my present English major fairly unrewarding; 3) Problems with school (some problems learning); 4) Social anxiety

I listened to Father Benedict Groeschel speak about depression. He suggested a couple of things that might help you. First is to get right up every morning. There is nothing worse for some one who is depressed than to lay in bed. The second is to try to force yourself to keep your schedule. Go to all of your classes, study as hard as you can. You may not want to but this is where God has put you right now. Some would call it “your state in life”. As saints in training we are supposed to fullfil the duties that we have. Your duty right now is to learn. The last bit of advice is to make sure that you do something kind for another person each day. It can be great therapy. Find some place to volunteer for one hour per week. A nursing home, a crises pregnancy center, a soup kitchen…I don’t think that you even have to make arrangements, just show up and tell them you want to help.

I almost feel as though God has abandoned me.

St. John of the Cross writes about the Dark Night of the Soul. He explains that instead of abandoning us at these times, God is actually grooming our souls to draw us closer to Him. Try to join your suffering to that of Jesus on the Cross. We can’t see what it is right now, but God has a plan for you. Just hang on.

As a result of your post many people are praying for you. I will ask our dear mother, Mary, to help you.

May God Bless you and keep you safe.

 

[Sola]

Madaglen,

Do not lose hope.

As far as medicine for depression, I don’t want to push drugs on you, but there are many different types of anti-depressants available and you often have to try several different ones before you find one that helps your brain function normally. Some anti-depressants work on serotonin, some on norepinephrin, some block uptake of certain chemicals, so they don’t all work the same way. IMO, from personal experience, it’s worth it to find help in feeling like a normal person.

It sounds like you know the typical advice about meeting people, joining clubs, going to Mass. As kmmd says, volunteering is a way to take us out of ourselves and to think about other people. Gets our minds off our own suffering. An animal shelter, or maybe there is a group that could use tutors in helping people learn to read or speak English.

Maybe your expectations for college were unrealistic and therefore you are disappointed. Maybe you could re-evaluate your purpose there - maybe it’s to get an education and not to meet potential spouses.

I majored in English in college, although I didn’t graduate. I love literature, so I loved my classes, all the reading, even some of the writing I had to do - it was hard work, but I enjoyed it. Is there any course you have taken or work you have read that inspired you or really moved you?

Have you considered the drastic step of transferring to a school closer to your home and family?

 

[Madaglan]

Maybe your expectations for college were unrealistic and therefore you are disappointed. Maybe you could re-evaluate your purpose there - maybe it’s to get an education and not to meet potential spouses.

I majored in English in college, although I didn’t graduate. I love literature, so I loved my classes, all the reading, even some of the writing I had to do - it was hard work, but I enjoyed it. Is there any course you have taken or work you have read that inspired you or really moved you?

Have you considered the drastic step of transferring to a school closer to your home and family?

Yeah, I’ve tried to focus on the fact that I’m here to learn. One of the problems, however, is that I’m having trouble learning here. Just memory and processing problems. I suppose I like courses in history, although I haven’t taken many history classes here. I want to do graduate work in history, even though I’m an Egnglish major. I’m kinda sick of English Literature.

I’m not sure if I’ve taken a work here which has inspired me. A favorite book of mine, however, is the Histories, by Herodotus. Great book. I wish I could be one of those guys who studies ancient history, languages and religions. I don’t know how I can do that though and then get a job.

I already live really close to home–about 30 minutes away. I really want to get away from my parents though, since I have difficulty relating with them and their views. I want to be on my own, but I also want to have more personal relationships on my own, too.

 

[Dismas2004]

You should check out Benedictine College in Atchison Kansas! The Faith community there is amazing. Come and check it out at a visit. Talk to Kelly Vowels in the Admissions office and she’ll set it up. 1800-467-5340 www.benedictine.edu

Pax,

Dismas2004
Current student

 

[Pug]

Madaglan:

Now: have lost all hope of future happiness.

Any inspiring comments?

Well, nothing inspiring. “This too will pass,” etc. I doubt it is helpful now, but if you eventually get less depressed, then you will find that phrase helpful for those minor relapses into the blahs. (It doesn’t work until you learn firsthand that whatever it is has passed. Then you can tell it to yourself next time.)

It is possible to get over major depression. If you get out of school and into a decent work environment, that may help (or not). For me, being totally removed from my parent’s sphere of influence was crucial. You don’t sound like you are out of that sphere yet.

 

[lizziebeth730]

Dude I’m 24, and I certainly have days and weeks that dying seems like the best way out, and until recently I would tell myself I had to wait until the Sox won the series.

Now I just say things like it will all work out. And I have a good cry, look at my parents boyfriend, friends, and my dog, and ignore my credit card statements and my thighs and realize that I have it pretty good (except the thighs and credit card debt, but one is genetic and the other totally my fault for loving Coach bags and shoes) and how much I would miss out on if I weren’t around. I go on a date with Ben and Jerry and Meg Ryan and things seem better the next day

 

[sharonvanecek]

I want you to know that you have helped my 15 yr old boy who struggles in highschool, but who, like you, is very hard working. In your sadness and your struggles you have helped someone. There are more people out there like you than you think. Life goes in waves, you probably will not feel like this for your whole life, but at this moment you have shared how you feel and thereby helped someone. I printed out your thread and let him read it. He is 15 and has just about given up on life, he has no girlfriend and is getting F’s in school.

 

[jimmy]

Madaglan:

An honest question. Personally for me I don’t see anything good left in my life. Things used to be really good for me 12 years ago. About 5 years ago I was still happy occassionally and had goals and anticipations. 4 years ago I was content, but rarely happy. 3 years: hell broke loose and I began to have a constant desire to die. 2 years ago: same. 1 year: same. Now: have lost all hope of future happiness.

Any inspiring comments?

Madaglan, why are you so depressed? Do you feel like you sin in everything you do? Do you feel like pleasure is bad and you don’t enjoy anything as a consequence?

If you feel pleasure is bad, this is a wrong way of thinking. This is the Jansenist heresy, which is the puritans. Pleasure is something that is good. God created pleasure. People get into problems with pleasure when they begin to abuse it and when it becomes there highest desire.

You also have to watch scrupulosity. God forgives your sins as long as you are sorry for them and you plan on confessing as soon as possible.