Let’s take a step back for a moment and assess this situation with the viewpoint of thousands of centuries of marriage. The idea of couples marrying “for love” is a relatively new phenomenon; it arose but a split second ago in those thousands of years of matrimonial history. For centuries people have married each other for reasons of status, financial security, posterity, and for various other less-than-romantic motives. In fact our ancestors would likely snort derisively over modern society’s notion that a couple should only marry for love, and point out that their marriages for purposes of practicality tended to last longer than those today that are contracted based on the whims of emotional attachment. Perhaps this was in part because such practical exigencies for marriage helped to inspire laws that protected marriages from being dissolved when the emotional attachment evaporated.
What the sacrament of matrimony introduced into this history of marriage was God’s grace, which elevated marriage from an institution that was a mere building block of temporal civilization into an institution that would be a building block of the heavenly kingdom. The sacrament gave the couple the graces needed to help each other to heaven and to raise their children to be saints. These are still very practical considerations, but ones intended to build up treasure in heaven rather than to promote temporal glory.
So, what about love? First of all, love is not merely emotional attachment, although it can and often does include that. The emotional attachment is a subset of love known as
affection. Affection draws a couple together and can help to sustain a couple during difficult times, but it is not in itself a purpose of marriage. Love itself is to will for the beloved that person’s objective good. A person’s ultimate objective good is God. A husband and wife who will for each other to become saints and help each other along the road to heaven love each other, even though their emotional attitudes toward each other may vary radically over the course of their lifetimes.
I don’t know what your sister meant by the claim that she is a “trophy wife.” Possibly she meant that her fiance’s social status would increase by their proposed marriage. Presumably she feels that she will benefit temporally by the marriage as well. Rather than becoming distressed over this couple’s “unromantic” attitude toward marriage, I recommend that you support them in their preparation for marriage, perhaps by offering them as a wedding gift one or more of the resources recommended below. If this couple accepts the duties of Christian marriage – lifelong commitment, fidelity, and openness to new life – then they are not abusing the sacrament of matrimony, even if their reasons for entering marriage to each other include temporal advancement. You certainly can attend such a wedding and, if invited to be an honor attendant, be a member of the wedding party if you wish.
Recommended reading:
For Better … Forever! by Gregory K. Popcak
The Exceptional Seven Percent by Gregory K. Popcak
Why Marriages Succeed or Fail by John Gottman
The Four Loves by C. S. Lewis
