Do you let your teens chat in chat rooms?

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My 13 yr old daughter (she will be 14 in August) has asked if she could chat in teen chat rooms. I’m thrilled she asked my and her dad’s permission first and as our only computer is in the living room, she would not be chatting in her room alone, etc.

I told her I need to learn more about these “chat” rooms and think about it and she said that is fine and she will abide with our decision.

So… chat rooms… yes, no, maybe? Is there any good ones or are they all a predators playground?

I don’t know much about them except for the scary shows on NBC “to catch a predator” that scares me bad…

Do any of you know if there is a safe or christian chat room or maybe message boards?

I don’t know what to do… I don’t want her in a dangerous situation.

thanks:)
 
Well, i don’t have teenagers, but I was one;). I think it is absolutely wonderful that she asked your permission AND will abide by your decision.
**
If it were me, I think I would do a “trial”. Set some ground rules (like NEVER go into a chatroom without you being around) and make it clear that you will observe from time to time (sometimes for the entire chat) and that if you see anything questionable you have the right to shut it down immediately.

She sounds like a great kid and I think that as long as she knows the safety rules (like never giving out any personal info at all) then it could be ok.

I might even encourage her to invent an alter ego to be used so that even if she gives out personal info by accident, it’s all made up…

just my two cents!

malia**
 
I do not have a teenager yet, but am not looking forward to this :eek: in the future.

My suggestions would be that it really depends on the chat room. If it is a public chat room that has no restrictions, absolutely not. If it is a chat room that is Catholic then maybe I would consider it after I was able to check out the chat room and put any guidelines or restrictions on it.

If you computer has a filter on it, I would think that it would help. I would also put restrictions on how long she is able to be on the chat room.

Again, I would go with your gut, if you feel (and your husband as well) that this is not a good idea, then shy away from it.

Remember, if it walks like a duck and talks like a duck, chances are it is a duck.

You have to be very careful with chat rooms. I would lean towards no, but that is just me and my :twocents:
 
I have a teen and she does chat with people she knows only on AIM. She does have a MYSPACE but its set to private and I can’t even get to it. LOL Every now and again, I ask her the normal questions, like if she is still only chating with people she knows, etc. and explain what could happen, etc.
 
I have a friend who just started that with her 13 year old daughter. She limits her to 30 min a day and sits right next to her. I don’t know if she is going to “graduate” to more time, more freedom or not. It was a real eye opener for my friend.

Sometimes it’s nice to know what other’s solutions are to a problem you’re having.
 
are there any such things as “christian chat or christian based message board for teens?” I don’t want her just wondering into any old chat room… I think I need to really think and pray about this… I am just so scared of someone “posing” as a teen but not actually being a teen… ick!!! Also, I think we need to have some major rules… no real names, no locations, no telling how old you are… and if anything looks even a little suspicious… you tell us right away… I’m soooo glad she is willing to let us decide this and will obey us in this… thank goodness… I don’t want her sneaking to do this.
 
kamz said:
My 13 yr old daughter (she will be 14 in August) has asked if she could chat in teen chat rooms. I’m thrilled she asked my and her dad’s permission first and as our only computer is in the living room, she would not be chatting in her room alone, etc.

I told her I need to learn more about these “chat” rooms and think about it and she said that is fine and she will abide with our decision.

So… chat rooms… yes, no, maybe? Is there any good ones or are they all a predators playground?

I don’t know much about them except for the scary shows on NBC “to catch a predator” that scares me bad…

Do any of you know if there is a safe or christian chat room or maybe message boards?

I don’t know what to do… I don’t want her in a dangerous situation.

thanks:)
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Um…no. Instant messenging with friends SHE KNOWS, is different. But nowadays…ugh…a 50 yr old man can be posing as a 15 yr old guy…it’s too risky. My son who is 14 plays a medieval game online, but there are levels…one has to climb various levels…and pay to play. My son, the shy one that he is, typically doesn’t talk to anyone but his friends from school–where there is a chat room feature for this.

Open chat rooms where any ole (and often old lol) person can stroll in and start typing to your daughter just scares me too much. Sorry–I’m not thrilled.😛
 
whatevergirl said:
Um…no. Instant messenging with friends SHE KNOWS, is different. But nowadays…ugh…a 50 yr old man can be posing as a 15 yr old guy…it’s too risky. My son who is 14 plays a medieval game online, but there are levels…one has to climb various levels…and pay to play. My son, the shy one that he is, typically doesn’t talk to anyone but his friends from school–where there is a chat room feature for this.

Open chat rooms where any ole (and often old lol) person can stroll in and start typing to your daughter just scares me too much. Sorry–I’m not thrilled.😛
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my son also plays a game, I think it is called rune scape? And you can chat with others but he only chats with a friend from school and then his cousin and they really don’t say much since they have to pay attention to the game.

I agree… the chat room thing is so scary… I think I would prefer she just starts with instant messaging her own friends from school and we just give her some more “growing” up time, if anything I’m thinking… her and I could chat together, and she is open to that, where I am sitting next to her watching what people say to her… I think that might be o.k. but I don’t feel good with her doing it alone… she is just so darn naive… she thinks that “predators” don’t really exist in cyberspace… I tell her that oh, yes they do and I can just see her roll her eyes at me… argh!
 
kamz said:
my son also plays a game, I think it is called rune scape? And you can chat with others but he only chats with a friend from school and then his cousin and they really don’t say much since they have to pay attention to the game.

I agree… the chat room thing is so scary… I think I would prefer she just starts with instant messaging her own friends from school and we just give her some more “growing” up time, if anything I’m thinking… her and I could chat together, and she is open to that, where I am sitting next to her watching what people say to her… I think that might be o.k. but I don’t feel good with her doing it alone… she is just so darn naive… she thinks that “predators” don’t really exist in cyberspace… I tell her that oh, yes they do and I can just see her roll her eyes at me… argh!
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lol–that’s the game!! my son might know your son.😊
 
You know, my almost 14 y.o. dd is also giving me puppy dog eyes about this. I look at it this way…would I send my daughter into a room with thousands of strangers to just “chat” with them for 30 minutes?
I take the Dr. Ray viewpoint on this one. Just because it’s there and everyone is doing it doesn’t mean my kid has to. Since we’ve said “no” to it, she’s now wanting to color her hair…ahhhhhhh!!!
I think I better get back to daily Mass…I need those Graces!🙂
 
Giannawannabe said:
You know, my almost 14 y.o. dd is also giving me puppy dog eyes about this. I look at it this way…would I send my daughter into a room with thousands of strangers to just “chat” with them for 30 minutes?
I take the Dr. Ray viewpoint on this one. Just because it’s there and everyone is doing it doesn’t mean my kid has to. Since we’ve said “no” to it, she’s now wanting to color her hair…ahhhhhhh!!!
I think I better get back to daily Mass…I need those Graces!🙂
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LOL

hi gianna…where have u been? haven’t seen u much?🙂
 
I have a 14 going on 15 yr old daughter and as of yet has no desire to go to chat rooms.She doesnt even want a Myspace. But she will be heading off to high school next year so who knows:o

Message boards might be a better start. She can pick and choose what she reads and responds too.

J.M.J.
cat3gs
 
I don’t think it would be a problem as long she uses an anonymous (and unique for this chat room) chat handle and doesn’t give away personal details. Sure, you may worry about 50 year old men posing as 15 year olds, but as long as you remain anonymous and don’t give away personal info, there shouldn’t be any problems. I would be more concerned about the people that are in the local area than anonymous strangers talking to an anonymous handle in a random chat room.
 
I don’t have teenagers yet… and I’m not looking forward to that stage either!

I personally don’t like chat rooms… there’s ZERO visibility. Conversations aren’t recorded (or are they? :confused: )…

Like here, on a message board, you can go research every single post someone has made. People can get banned. And yeah, sure there are work-arounds, but it’s a recorded conversation that others can see and witness.
I like that kind of exposure.

At least on bulletin boards you can establish a rapport with others and get to know them… nothing is hidden, really…

Does that make sense?
 
Em_in_FL said:
I don’t have teenagers yet… and I’m not looking forward to that stage either!

I personally don’t like chat rooms… there’s ZERO visibility. Conversations aren’t recorded (or are they? :confused: )…

Like here, on a message board, you can go research every single post someone has made. People can get banned. And yeah, sure there are work-arounds, but it’s a recorded conversation that others can see and witness.
I like that kind of exposure.

At least on bulletin boards you can establish a rapport with others and get to know them… nothing is hidden, really…

Does that make sense?
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Spector Pro can be set to record every keystroke made by your computer. It can also take computer screen snapshots so you can see some of what is going on on the other end.

I like ATT dsl (SBC?) parental controls, can be set to only allow emails and IM’s from only people you have allowed your child to place on their list - so they could chat with school friends.

Yes, I have a teen, could you tell.

I would say no to chat rooms. Would you invite kids into your home everyday to talk to your child without checking them out first? Message boards I would limit time, make sure the teen knew I had a keylogger, and have the computer in an open area.

My 2 cents.
 
I don’t have teenagers yet, but we’ve already started kind planning. My husband and I spend a lot of time online. We actually share kind of an odd hobby of playing MMOG’s together instead of watching TV in the evenings.

If the computer is in a very public part of the house I don’t think I’d have a problem with IMing people she already knows. Chat rooms I’m on the fence about because I know why I wanted in them when I was a teenager.

If I’d did let her in a chat room these would be my ground rules:

Under no circumstances, no matter how well you think know people, Do not give our your last name, birth date, or specific location any smaller than a State level 😉

I would warn her that the Internet has a certain amount of anonymity that some people will take advantage of and its really just not possible to believe what they say about who they are.

If I ever saw her in anyway acting like she was trying to hide anything form me about whats on the computer screen (closing out windows when I walked past ect) that would be the end of this privilege. This would apply to any IM privileges too.

Something else we will be getting when our kids are old enough is some Internet monitoring software. Its kinda pricey but I think its worth it to avoid kids seeing/reading stuff the shouldn’t. I would check out bsafehome.com/
 
My youngest boy does RuneScape… He is limited on Yahoo IM by parental controls. My oldest bypasses Yahoo and chats with some “friends” on Gaiaonline. That site is fronted as cutesie but I’ve seen content that is far from innocent. I’m having trouble blocking it and allowing the other to play RuneScape. I never gave permission for Giaionline, nor was I asked. But due to the spyware, I have the usernames and passwords. Do not for a minute think kids won’t develop backdoor mechanisms to do covert things. They will.

I suggest spy/key stroke recording software… You need to check periodically what is going on. Yes, I support spying and filtering. The internet can be a nasty place for teens.

Go here and see why you should be “spying” on your teen.
ryanpatrickhalligan.org/

“Internet safety rules were always enforced on the Halligans’ home computer. He made sure his son didn’t chat with strangers. Ryan’s instant message buddies were all kids he knew at school. The Web sites he visited were monitored. Not until after Ryan’s death did Halligan look deeper into the sites - finding that some were very sinister.” -from an internal story about the family.

A word about “personal information.” Anything you say to someone is “personal.” Anything sent over the internet CAN become public. Tell your children that anything “delicate” they might want to send over the internet might be better SAID (not texted) over the phone. Once it’s in print, it is public.

While I do not want to throw anything in the face of the kids, I do pick up clues when a reminder/refresher on a subject might be needed. Or a filter updated.
 
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