Do you or have you used NFP

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JohnStrachan

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Let’s separate the sheep from the goats here. I read lots of commentary about NFP, contraception, birth control, sterilization and periodic abstinence. What do you do?

I’ll remove the veil of secrecy. My wife and I used NFP for 7 years and got totally discouraged while using it - in part because there was almost no support from our church and friends (even Catholic ones) thought we were nuts for practicing Catholic roulette. My KoC Brothers thought I was crazy when I tried to bring in a speaker for a meeting.

During our seven years of usage we had three beautiful children that were conceived with practically no effort. We both became familiar with her fertility like clock work.

in 2008 I left the RC church for Anglicanism - won’t get into the details here as that is not the nature of this thread.

I had a vasectomy in 2009. Things may have gone differently if I didn’t have a falling out with the church, but it is what it is. I have the experience of NFP what was used sincerely but with considerable frustration. The RC church is totally hypocritical on this matter. On one hand they teach that it is intrinsically evil, on the other hand they provide no support and many so called good RC’s ridiculed me for using it and wanting to promote it. I received no support from my parish priest either.

So what is you story? Does everyone here use NFP?
 
Yes my husband and I use it. 17 years here…as I said in the other thread i view it as a giant cross to bear. We have 4 kids here and 4 waiting for us. They were all planned. We are currently avoiding indefinitely due to several reasons. I absolutely view NFP as birth control. I have a lot of conflicted feelings about it honestly, and I will admit that I’ve been tempted to have a tubal ligation.
 
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We’ve started to a few months ago, and I actually think (like becoming Catholics has in general) the teachings of the Church have improved our marriage, sex life, and stance toward children.

But there are definitely struggles. Without being too vulgar, my wife has always had a very low sex drive—she’s rarely interested, so I’m constantly frustrated, and NFP makes it so on the rare occasions she’s open to sex, I‘m so pent up I last approximately 30 seconds and she’s probably not too happy, so the cycle repeats. Before NFP, we did less proper sexual things too, so I’d last a long time.

What stinks is I have no idea where to ask for help about these matters either, as they’re pretty lewd!
 
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Thank you for your honesty. I agree about it being birth control. Let’s be honest, though it’s the only “approved” way of having intercourse according to the church, the intent is the same as using any other means. Everyone want to space out kids. The benefit is that we new precisely when we were fertile… But NFP is a spontaneity killer. And when you have a busy household, with few opportunities for private time, it can lead to considerable frustration.
 
DadaBigfoot said:
But there are definitely struggles. Without being too vulgar, my wife has always had a very low sex drive—she’s rarely interested, so I’m constantly frustrated, and NFP makes it so on the rare occasions she’s open to sex, I‘m so pent up I last approximately 30 seconds and she’s probably not too happy, so the cycle repeats. Before NFP, we did less proper sexual things too, so I’d last a long time.

What stinks is I have no idea where to ask for help about these matters either, as they’re pretty lewd!
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You and your wife are not alone here. NFP can absolutely wreak havoc when one or both have a low sex drive. You’re in my prayers!
JohnStrachan said:
Thank you for your honesty. I agree about it being birth control. Let’s be honest, though it’s the only “approved” way of having intercourse according to the church, the intent is the same as using any other means. Everyone want to space out kids. The benefit is that we new precisely when we were fertile… But NFP is a spontaneity killer. And when you have a busy household, with few opportunities for private time, it can lead to considerable frustration.
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+1000! spontaneity killer indeed! And, speaking as a woman, sex drive is highly dependent on hormones for me. As soon as ovulation is over it’s WAY harder for me to even think about sex. Throw in some teenagers and kids and privacy goes out the door!
 
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DadaBigfoot said:
What stinks is I have no idea where to ask for help about these matters either, as they’re pretty lewd!
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You can ask me through the private conversation function, though I might discourage you. I would be impartial, however, as this is something you want to do with your wife.
 
I’m sorry you encountered Catholics who did not support you. That is a tragedy.

We used nfp from before either even thought about becoming Catholics. We had serious reasons, and the mucous only method was perfect for me. I was empowered to get to really listen to my body and know the signs of fertility.

Used it from the time son was 4 until menopause.

Once I became Catholic I made sure my diocese family life office and parish knew I was open for questions or to give support to anyone else.

Worked with other catechists and parish medical professionals to do an annual workshop for teen girls about the church’s teachings on marriage and the basics of various nfp methods were always the most interactive sessions.
 
Thank you very much! And I am so sorry for your losses. May God bless your family and thanks for sharing.
 
Maybe just engage in more foreplay before intercourse so she gets more out of it? It’s not sinful as long as it ends in intercourse
 
JohnStrachan said:
The RC church is totally hypocritical on this matter. On one hand they teach that it is intrinsically evil, on the other hand they provide no support and many so called good RC’s ridiculed me for using it and wanting to promote it. I received no support from my parish priest either.
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I take issue with the broad statement of the RC church is hypocritical on this matter. The church is made up of people, and people who disagree with church teaching are still going to church. I’ve certainly known priests who had homilies disagreeing with church teaching of all sorts and enjoyed getting a paycheck from the church anyway. I find that to be hypocritical. Certainly they won’t be supporting NFP, or devotion to the Blessed Mother, or having confession available outside Christmas and Easter. This is a painful situation to faithful Catholics for decades now. (I guess around here there’s been plenty of priests who ended up in jail who were 80 and did a lifetime of damage to countless Catholic families and their faith walk.)

My view is that every 16 yr old girl should be taught NFP in school. Why? Because it’s basic biology. Every other thing is pushed on them but there’s this big gaping hole of basic biology that is mocked and ridiculed. It’s frustrating. When I got engaged we attended a NFP class and for the first time I could figure out that I ovulated, or didn’t, and I could tell when my period was going to start within a 36 hr window. I can’t tell you how life got better with some basic information. It shouldn’t be a Catholic thing, it should be a life lesson thing.
 
PennyinCanada said:
My view is that every 16 yr old girl should be taught NFP in school. Why? Because it’s basic biology. Every other thing is pushed on them but there’s this big gaping hole of basic biology that is mocked and ridiculed. It’s frustrating. When I got engaged we attended a NFP class and for the first time I could figure out that I ovulated, or didn’t, and I could tell when my period was going to start within a 36 hr window. I can’t tell you how life got better with some basic information. It shouldn’t be a Catholic thing, it should be a life lesson thing.
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Agreed. Fertility Awareness is something that everyone should know (especially girls but boys too I think.).
 
A lot of secular fertility awareness resources teaches that one can use barrier methods during fertile times.
 
JohnStrachan said:
The RC church is totally hypocritical on this matter
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the Catholic church isn’t hypocritical. Some people in it are hypocritical. I’m sorry you had a bad experience with Catholics. I’m sure you are much happier in the Anglican Church where you feel more comfortable.

But it is kind of useless to claim that the teachings of the Catholic Church are wrong because a lot of people don’t follow them. Jesus said the way is narrow and not easy. Fortunately, anyone can return to full communion if they so desire.
 
This!!! Yes!!! I think of my great-grandparents’ generation, and their parents, etc. - dealing with unbelievably more challenging circumstances (at least those who were fresh off the boat, etc.)… and yet, so many kids came out… and they did pretty well!

My “go to” example now is the Benincasa family… their second-to-last birth (twins) was Catherine of Siena - the second youngest of 25. And talk about trying circumstances… the 14th century in Italy… yikes. Plague, wars, you name it. Yes it’s a bit of a dramatic example (and it’s not to “make accusations”) but the example is a good one nonetheless, at least I hope…
 
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Probably the fact that most secular forms of NFP encourage it. Including the Mormon church and the growing movement of people who choose nfp for secular “natural” organic reasons.
 
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