Do your children sleep in the bed with you?

[EvelynEVF]

I never expected to nurse or cosleep as long as I do/did, but they only get older one day at a time. . .

I tell the moms I work with that I would never tell anyone how or how long to do any of this, but I would suggest that if everyone is happy and the only reason she considers changing things is from perceived pressure from people outside of herself and those who are immediately affected by the situation, I will certainly help her role play how to politely ask them to mind their own business

 

[BlueEyedLady]

I agree with the OP. When a woman becomes a mom sometimes she throws all of her love, passion, time, attention, and affection in to the baby, and the husband is neglected. The bed is one place where they can just be with each other. They can have pillow talk and catch up on the day and reconnect, they can have sex, or they can just lie there and say nothing while taking in the sounds of one another breathing. Every couple, kids or not, deserves a special place and time. With kids the bedroom may be the only time you have.

 

[EasterJoy]

I know a whole bunch, and I’m not exactly in a hippie part of the country. It’s not unusual to have a family bedroom, with more than one bed. Or more than one bedroom, and just play “musical beds.” Mom and dad may very well end up alone in a bed, just not always the same one.

And a child’s immune system does not mature until age 6, so it isn’t quite fair to say there is no need for nursing past toddlerhood (which might not have been your comment; I’m just responding in one post). They may not need the calories, but there is still a lot of benefit.

For those who haven’t experienced this, it’s quite normal for a child to nurse a dozen times a day up to around two years old, but then they generally taper off pretty quickly and an older toddler might nurse a couple/few times per day, mostly around naptime and bedtime. Trips to school would not be necessary I speak to college classes on a regular basis, and learned to my surprise that a lot of them believe that a 4yo nurses as often as a newborn. I was glad to clear that up!

My kids were scouring under the kickspace in my kitchen for “floor d’œuvres” before they could walk, so I’m thinking their immune system was doing its work with overtime well before the age of 6…and a good thing for them! We let them play in the yard near the birdfeeder, too. Seriously, though, even if a child is nursing when they’re four, that does not imply that they need to sleep between Mom and Dad until they’re four.

Having said that, we had room for a rocker-recliner in our kids’ room (we had twins, so either one could count the number of times he’d slept in a room alone before the age of 12 on one hand), and it wasn’t rare for one of us to sleep in there if we thought either of the kids needed it. I guess our theory was that it was far easier to kick ourselves out of their room when the time came than to kick them out of ours!

 

[EasterJoy]

I never expected to nurse or cosleep as long as I do/did, but they only get older one day at a time. . .

I tell the moms I work with that I would never tell anyone how or how long to do any of this, but I would suggest that if everyone is happy and the only reason she considers changing things is from perceived pressure from people outside of herself and those who are immediately affected by the situation, I will certainly help her role play how to politely ask them to mind their own business

Exactly. The question of this thread, though, concerns the mom’s husband and the master bedroom, and that definitely is the OPs business.

 

[latin_rite]

All my kids were put into their own bed at the start of the night. But it wasn’t unusual to be woken up by a kick in the chin or a knee in the back from some kid who snuck into our bed. I couldn’t be bothered to shoo them back into their own bed. Having a kid share you bed wont destroy your marriage. It hasn’t caused a problem in my marriage. And we’ve been married for 24 years. Yeah, yeah i know. You get less for murder.

 

[EvelynEVF]

Exactly. The question of this thread, though, concerns the mom’s husband and the master bedroom, and that definitely is the OPs business.

Well, of course! The MYOB was an acknowledgement that those of us posting here have no dog in this race, no matter whose “side” we come down on.

 

[mini_me640]

All my kids were put into their own bed at the start of the night. But it wasn’t unusual to be woken up by a kick in the chin or a knee in the back from some kid who snuck into our bed. I couldn’t be bothered to shoo them back into their own bed. Having a kid share you bed wont destroy your marriage. It hasn’t caused a problem in my marriage. And we’ve been married for 24 years. Yeah, yeah i know. You get less for murder.

 

[EasterJoy]

Well, of course! The MYOB was an acknowledgement that those of us posting here have no dog in this race, no matter whose “side” we come down on.

Exactly. People do all sorts of things, and are contented doing it. It can help to know what sort of arrangments have worked for others, but those aren’t binding. It is when the spouses don’t agree that there is negotiating work to do. Everyone else can jump in a lake.

 

[aloe]

You have another thread where you are criticizing your wife’s thoughts on a different issue. If you haven’t already I highly suggest counseling for your marriage, it can help enhance your communication and understanding of each other than will pay off for years to come. It doesn’t matter what one couple or unmarried individual thinks or what another family does with an issue, what is matters is what each of you in your marriage think and how you communicate and understand each other.

 

[2cherubs]

The OP has probably stopped reading, but I’ll give this a shot for anyone else lurking and listening.

From what I’m reading, the OP’s greatest concern is the baby having an adverse effect on his sex life. But consider that realistically, after the baby arrives, you won’t be having much sex anyway.

In fact, many, many times, it is medically contraindicated. One in three in-hospital births end in cesarean in the U.S., so she may be recovering from surgery. For the remaining 2/3 of women, a high number of them tear in the perineum, (the area between the labia and rectum), which requires stitches. Or the provider cuts an episiotomy and has to do stitches. In any of these cases, your wife will be under her midwife’s or doctor’s orders to avoid sexual relations, often for at least six weeks…and more if she has a cesarean. So get ready for a dry spell.

Second, you likely won’t be having sex at night because as parents, you’ll be up half of the night with the baby and too dang tired!! ANY experienced parent in this thread can vouch for me on how tiring it can be to care for an infant! That’s when baby’s daytime baby naps–and more innovative locations!–come in handy.

Finally, as a previous poster mentioned, even if you opt against bed-sharing, pretty much any pediatrician is going to tell you to have the baby in your bedroom for AT LEAST the first three months to prevent SIDS. Six is better, because it is not until six months that the SIDS risk really significantly decreases. If she breastfeeds, she will rightfully want that bassinet right next to the bed. So are you willing to carry on relations with an infant in the room, or are you prepared to go to another location?

In short, remember that marital intimacy is a challenge when you have a baby, and no sleep arrangement is going to make it easier.

 

[Beds_Bed_UK]

I am a firm believer that the marital bedroom is for husband and wife only, and that children should not be in there except when ill, injured, bad weather, nightmares, and when they are newborns. My wife disagrees with me and wants to share the bed with our children. I told her if that happens, I’m sleeping on the couch.

Any thoughts?

Yes, marital bedroom is only for couples and children should not be included. But it is not also bad if you let your child sleep in your room because they are not another person. You can separate your child from your bedroom and give them a childrens bed that they wanted so that they will be comfortable sleeping in their bedroom. Try to visit www.beds-bed.co.uk for more details. It offers free shipping across UK.

 

[Tomyris]

Our kids are adults. Some are married and have kids of their own.

No, they do not sleep in the bed with us. It would be really crowded.

Hope that helps. I try to contribute to threads in an informative manner.

 

[ShrodingersCat]

Our kids are adults. Some are married and have kids of their own.

No, they do not sleep in the bed with us. It would be really crowded.

Hope that helps. I try to contribute to threads in an informative manner.

It’s against forum etiquette to resurrect five year old threads.

 

[Tomyris]

It’s against forum etiquette to resurrect five year old threads.

True.

I didn’t notice the date. It came up in my side bar and I clicked on it.

 

[pensmama87]

True.

I didn’t notice the date. It came up in my side bar and I clicked on it.

I will say that I did appreciate your joke.

 

[Tomyris]

I will say that I did appreciate your joke.

Thank you.

Maybe I just take a long time to respond.

I wonder if anyone who posted who had their children sleep in their beds five years ago is still doing so? Maybe I can rescue my embarrassing situation by claiming this is a follow-up.

 

[Giggly_Giraffe]

Each child will be a unique individual with needs equal but different from the other children. As a parent you need to be open to change. Once you accept the change, the children will have advanced to the next level and you will have to start all over again accepting the new change. Best wishes in each advancement!

 

[Giggly_Giraffe]

i used to joke that my plan to keep my children chaste was to let them stay in diapers, drink milk from the bottle, and sleep in our bed! This would definitely keep their virginity intact!

 

[Phemie]

Our children went to their own crib, in their own room from day one. I simply couldn’t sleep with a bassinet in the room. I even begged them to take one of the babies back to the nursery for the night since I kept having nightmares that he was falling out of bed. On visits to my parents, when we had to share a room with the baby, I would be sleep deprived and cranky the whole time.

That’s not to say that the kids never shared our bed. I always nursed in bed. If I remained awake, baby went back to own crib afterwards; if I fell asleep, well I slept. But it was never planned that way. Later on as they grew, we’d often get a visitor through the night, either because of a bad dream or illness. They were never turned away. But if we could comfort them and get them back into their own bed that’s what we did.

I have to say that we were never kicked out of our parents’ bed if we’d had a nightmare. I was 15 the last time I did that, after a horrible nightmare that involved my brother in murder, disposal of bodies through bonfires, and his realization that I knew he was the guilty party – it’s been almost 50 years and it’s a dream I’ve never forgotten. At that age though my dad made me go to Mom’s side of the bed.