Does alcoholism in one family member cause long-lasting mental problems in others?

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Madaglan

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Hey,

Somebody in my close family has an alcohol problem and has had it for as long as I have been alive. This person plays a parental role and works for a beer company, so there always has been plenty of beer around. Does intoxication of one member of the family have long-lasting mental effects on the other members of the family? I have been reading on Al-anon sites that alcoholism in one member of the family can cause mental disorders in the other family members. A reputable authority on the matter told me in person that one alcoholic in the family can create lasting depression and anxiety in the other members of the family, for much of life, even when the alcoholic is no longer around certain members of the family.

I just don’t understand how lasting depression and anxiety can be linked with one alcoholic in the family. I don’t understand why, even when one forgets what happened, one still can have these effects. Does anybody know more info about this?
 
I’m living it. Married the daughter of a binge drinker, both her maternal grandparents died of alcoholism, and her paternal grandfather gave up the bottle when he came down with diabetes. Issues from her raising are a real problem in our marriage right now.

Alcoholism comes along with a host of other problems: emotional and physical abuse, for starters, and the general neglect opens children up to being taken advantage of by outside parties. Frequently the spouse of the alcoholic is co-dependent and will protect the alcoholic when they really ought to be allowed to go to jail for thier treatment of other family members.

The anxiety issues and depression are the tip of the iceberg, someone growing up around alcoholism can wind up with generally disordered thinking that is too easily fed by modern attitudes of being one’s own boss and a gerneral lack of societal maturity in being willing to clean up one’s own messes in life. Add tot hat a near total lack of trust in those that suposedly love you actually doing what’s best for you, and those raised around alcohol often seek to become self-fullfilling of every bad dream they have. Some make it out relatively unscathed, but those are the ones who buck up and take reponsibility for themselves.
 
Yes it does.I know personally as well.It is like being a prisoner of war.😦
 
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Lisa4Catholics:
Yes it does.I know personally as well.It is like being a prisoner of war.😦
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It most surely is, Lisa. I know about it personally, as well. I grew up with an alcoholic mother, and I became an alcoholic myself. I’ve had lifelong clinical depression and post-traumatic stress disorder caused by her alcoholism, too. I have been in recovery from my alcoholism for seventeen years, thank God and AA, and Alanon.

Madaglan, it is great that you are posting your queries about family alcoholism on here, because you will probably learn a lot and you will probably have many more questions arise as you investigate this issue more deeply. I will keep you in my prayers, and please feel free to pm me about these issues if you ever feel like doing so. Alcoholism is a disease of denial, and many of us who grew up with it “forgot” about its effects for many years, until the questions just wouldn’t stop arising. So hang in there and take heart–you are not alone. Many blessings and prayers,

Geraldine
 
Thank you everyone for your help. Right now I’m in my young twenties, and I don’t drink at all because of alcoholism in one parent figure with whom I grew up. I am presently at home right now, but most of the past three years I have been away at college.

Anyhow, I don’t know exactly how alcoholism in the family has affected me, although someone told me that the root of my long-term depression and anxiety is an alcoholic father in the household. I guess that I have a real difficult time understanding because, although my father used to heavily drink a lot, in the past five years or so he has lessened his drinking, although he still hammers himself about four times a year, and gets tipsy maybe once a week or so.

But it’s mostly the childhood incidents that I’m concerned with. My dad, when sober, has always been a very gruff and serious individual who has a temper problem. So, growing up I was kinda scared of him because he’d get angry at the littlest things around the house. He wasn’t physically abusive, but he yelled and sometimes made loud noises with appliances, etc. to show his anger. When he got drunk most of the real anger went away, but he tried to act “macho” while at the same time saying things like “love ya man,” etc. It was unnerving though since you knew that he was out of his mind and was much different than his normal self. In the morning he’s cursing and practically throwing things, in the evening he’s slumped on the ground half-incoherently telling me that I’m the man.

There are some things that I’ve had for the longest time that I don’t know where they come from. I tend to be anxious almost all the time, even when not at home, and when my dad comes home drunk I lock my door and keep a sword by my side, just in case he goes crazy and tries to kill me or something. I’m also wondering if this has to do something with repressed emotions, since I don’t remember having any real emotions for years.

My dad isn’t a bad person, and he has never really physically abused me repeatedly, like some bad fathers. He oftentimes has done things for me and my mister. However, I often feel like I can’t connect with him because of the fear that he instills in me and his unpredictability at times.

Any thoughts?
 

Does intoxication of one member of the family have long-lasting mental effects on the other members of the family?​

Yes, it does. Unfortunately.
 
Madaglen,my husband is an alcoholic and he sounds just like your dad.He has periods of sobriety:nope: Only to come crashing down for some stupid reason.He has also drug problems:( You are never sure what to say,if you say something wrong he could fly into a tyrade cuss you out break something precious to you(like my deceased grandparents crystal dish):crying: With me I have anxiety problems(bigtime)High blood pressure(I’m 35)swelling from the blood pressure problems(hoping it doesn’t go into heart falure).I constantly have to fight of temptations of seeing myself as worthless and all the lovely names I am called during the tyrades.Then there is the fear-Is he going to come home drinking?Yes it causes emotional problems bigtime.
 
Lisa4Catholics:
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Madaglen,my husband is an alcoholic and he sounds just like your dad.He has periods of sobriety:nope: Only to come crashing down for some stupid reason.He has also drug problems:( You are never sure what to say,if you say something wrong he could fly into a tyrade cuss you out break something precious to you(like my deceased grandparents crystal dish):crying: With me I have anxiety problems(bigtime)High blood pressure(I’m 35)swelling from the blood pressure problems(hoping it doesn’t go into heart falure).I constantly have to fight of temptations of seeing myself as worthless and all the lovely names I am called during the tyrades.Then there is the fear-Is he going to come home drinking?Yes it causes emotional problems bigtime.
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That’s really sad 😦

I hope that things get better. I really hope that you have some ways to relax so that you don’t have a heart attack.
 
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Madaglan:
I don’t drink at all because of alcoholism in one parent figure with whom I grew up.
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~ I’d strongly recommend keeping up this attitude, and being careful with other mood altering substances (even stuff like Benadryl and Sudaphed) as well as watching to make sure you maintain regular sleep patterns, daily hygene, sufficient exercise, etc, on top of investing heavily in your spiritual life. Alcoholism is, unfortunaltely, a communicable disease - stay around it long enough and you pick up some of the symptoms and inclinations. The deck is stacked against you emotionally, for life, really, and its going to be best for you (and those close to you) to get yourself as well-entrenched in grounding or uplifting life habits as soon and consistently as you can. The preventative steps might not prevent a future emotional crisis as, but even if it doesn’t, you’ll be much more resilient when and if the demons of your past swell up. Also try to surround yourself with folks who do not have that in their background, or who did but have worked thorugh it and have built solid and spiritual lives in spite of the early handicaps.
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Madaglan:
I guess that I have a real difficult time understanding because, although my father used to heavily drink a lot, in the past five years or so he has lessened his drinking, although he still hammers himself about four times a year, and gets tipsy maybe once a week or so.
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~ In other words, he’s transitioning from being almost constantly drunk to being a very regular binge drinker. That’s a common pattern as alcoholics age. That he still shows aggressive tendencies all the time while sober is the clue that the underlying issues are still there, he’s just changing how and when he goes about trying to drowing them in alcohol.
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Madaglan:
However, I often feel like I can’t connect with him because of the fear that he instills in me and his unpredictability at times.

Any thoughts?
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What you’ve described is ongoing emotional abuse from your earliest memories of childhood thorugh the present. I’d look into Al-Anon resources and also find a priest or nun (ask around about contemplative orders in your area) who can serve as a spiritual advisor and guide you to a better understanding about what one’s bond with family should be like.
 
My father is an alcoholic, he quit last year but started again because my brother and I did not “support” him. Text book example of a cop-out. We are both very cognitive of our drinking. Both of his parents were alcoholics too. My boyfriend’s dad also has the illness, he and his sister both fell into the addiction as well, but came out of it. Children learn what they live. I’m lucky that I had such a good mom.
 
YOu betcha and in ways no one understands. F-I-Law was a heavy drinker and had an affair. Now his oldest daughter has trust issues with men. Son gets very quiet, emotional, distant when wife drinks, beer in particular which was dad’s vice and youngest has commitment issues and can barely be in the same room with dad and always puts him down. Thankfully dad got over this years ago and has been sober for some 15+ years but this stuff rears it’s ugly head with the kids still today.
 
Hi madaglan,

I highly recommend attending Alanon meetings–they really, really help folks like us who have lived or still live with active alcoholics. Alanon is a great source of support and there is much literature available in the meetings to take home and study. What is great about Alanon is that it takes away the feeling of isolation that alcoholism causes, it lets us know we are not alone and there are others like us struggling to sort all these things out.

I’ve attended Alanon meetings for many, many years and it helps me sooooo much! One of the first things I learned was the “Three C’s:” you didn’t *cause *it, you can’t *control *it and you can’t *cure *it. That was such a relief for me to hear!

If you are nervous about going to Alanon alone maybe you could ask one of your closest friends to go with you to your first meeting, or you could call Alanon and see if someone could meet you there, or something. I just urge you to go to the meetings, because they will help you so much, my friend!

Please remember: you are not alone. God bless you, madaglan.

Geraldine
 
Both my parents were alcoholics and I can’t even begin to enumerate the psychological problems they inflicted on me. So, yes, it does cause long-term problems in others, especially their children.
 
Yes. My husband and his sister are good examples. Fortunately my husband is not an alcoholic, although I sometimes worry about my SIL. My husband has various anxiety problems including insomnia and a lot of stress over what should be non-stressful events. He’s also become used to holding in his thoughts and emotions (likely because he got used to them being ignored while growing up), is overly defensive, and over-reacts to what he perceives as emotional slights from me.

Neither of them are close to their parents, and I know that there is a lot of resentment there, especially on the part of my SIL who is the youngest by several years and was alone with the parents when she was in high school, and was pretty much ignored. SIL is a great person, smart and talented, and my in-laws didn’t make any effort to show up at her school functions, etc. They were never abusive, but as far as I can tell they were neglectful- come home, get drunk, ignore the kids. It’s always bothered my husband that when he was younger, his mom would ask him how his day was, then start drinking. As she proceeded to get drunker and drunker, she would forget that they’d talked earlier and ask him the same question several times over. I guess my FIL wasn’t much different, although he has greatly cut back on the drinking in the last few years. My MIL didn’t drink much in front of me for a while, but recently she’s started doing the have several drinks-ask the same question over and over thing to me as well. As I know it bothers my husband, I just play along with it and don’t make a fuss.
 
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