Does being a Catholic encourage emotional weakness + stress?

[thewanderer]

I tried to think suffering was good,when I was suffering alot and in hopeless situations but I never really could make myself believe it even when priests told me of the value of suffering etc.
To me,some suffering is unbearable,and in addition I believe in trying to make people healthy and happy.
Like I wish I could create cures for Dementia & not just leave them to suffer mindlessly…
Some say suffering is good.For example extreme poverty might lead some to God but to me it can be very bad too,because others in extreme poverty,especially who live in high crime and violence areas,live in a state of continual fear,never feeling safe or relaxed etc and to me that’s bad.
Anyway ,I’m going off track here…

Suffering is always an evil, however, God can bring good out of evil. When people speak of suffering being good they are speaking of all the good that can come from redemptive suffering rather than actually saying that the suffering, as such, is good. And so the Church’s position is that we should help those who are suffering to try and relieve them of their suffering, but also learn and teach others to offer up the sufferings they experience which cannot tl he relieved morally. Does that sound more correct to you?

 

[thewanderer]

I find it hard,in practical life,to reconcile that we are both physiological beings (including psychological) and spiritual beings.
So If psychology(Dr Phil lol) says don’t enable someone in their weaknesses but Catholic life says “relieve their burdens” it’s hard to know which is healthy.

Catholicism would also agree to not enable others. Enabling is not helping others but rather harms them. Why do you believe Catholicism promotes enabling unhealthy behaviors? Maybe if we can understand where you are getting that idea from we can help you settle this struggle you are having between psychology and Catholicism. Good psychology will never contradict Catholicism, nor will official Catholic teaching ever contradict truly scientific psychology. Catholisim promotes reason and the Sciences. Catholicism does not contradict science and science does not contradict Catcholicism.

 

[Auntie_A]

Part of what inspired my question is that I feel confused between Psychology vs Catholic way and I’m finding they’re sort of pulling me in different directions.
I’ve been watching a lot of Dr Phil lately lol…

I understand the pull. There are a few books out there that discuss the pull between secular psychology and a more combined classical psychology with deep spirituality. My favorite source for this was reading and watching old Bishop Sheen books and programs. That man understood human psychology and was unafraid of including God in the conversation.

If it helps to know, even my secular humanists and psychology friends recognize the need for a spiritual base in dealing with psychological adjustment and disorders. Some of them laugh at my explanations of prayer and God but also acknowledge the importance of my spiritual base for helping myself and others. Some say that they wish they could believe.

I am trying to remember a book by William Kirkpatrick (or is it Fitzpatrick) called The Emperors New Clothes and it discusses the push for secular psychology in the 50s and 60s, especially Carl Rogers. I can’t help but gag on the chapter about how Rogers viewed friendship and love for the “future”. He saw relationships as temporary and fleeting: Spend some meaningful time with someone, then drift away and make a new friend somewhere else with no sense of loss for either drifting party…it feels as if this future is here in some ways people approach relationships…sort of a Teflon world. Yet humans aren’t made for non-stick relationships. We affect and are affected by each other deeply. Loyalty, fidelity, and bonding is deeply human. We yearn for deep and lasting connections.

Some psychological approaches would have you believe we are shallow and easy by nature and that letting go is the only way. I believe that we need to learn how to hold on as well as let go.

And I believe that there is more than dependence and independence; there is also interdependence which acknowledges our need for each other.

As for Dr Phil or other pop professionals, be cautious. Learn their politics, their backgrounds, their beliefs, etc. Most of them appear nice and to have common sense, but COMMON sense has changed a bit in many circles. An act that was considered sinful is now considered healthy, or ok…the returns aren’t in yet as to whether some of these acts or behaviors are harmless; some are clearly hurting new generations of children who have no clue what right and wrong is. Many say “it’s all good”. Is it really “all good”?

Pay attention. Read some older books, talk with older people. Ask them how it used to be. Not everything old is true but you can learn the truth by studying the past and the present.

 

[mommy_k]

In reply to the OP:

There are psycholigcal studies that have proven the exact opposite of what you state from Dr. Phil. (I don’t think he’s a doctor).

This article is a brief summary of studies that show the positive impact of religion and prayer on a person.

undergroundhealthreporter.com/effects-of-prayer-can-lead-to-healing/#axzz32M9icUA9

If you read the bible, and know your psychology, you will see that psychology was practiced in ancient times. Religion and psychology can mix, it is when people like dr phil who really are just motivational speakers, or psychologists with an agenda.

We are told as Catholic Christians-“give a man a fish, and he will eat for a day, teach him to fish, and he will eat for a lifetime.”

A psychologist would say-don’t get entangled in a co-dependent relationship where you are the enabler.

Same thing.

 

[Xantippe]

Sereta said:

“So If psychology(Dr Phil lol) says don’t enable someone in their weaknesses but Catholic life says “relieve their burdens” it’s hard to know which is healthy.”

The question to ask is, am I actually helping? Is what I am doing improving the situation?

In a situation with a mom with a colicky baby that cries all day for weeks and months, the standard secular advice is actually to make sure that the mom gets lots of relief, because it’s not possible to keep your sense of humor and sense of proportion all day long with a baby who just won’t stop crying. In that situation, helping is helpful and may in fact avert a tragedy. Eventually, the colic will be over and it will be a happy new day. The mom and baby just need to survive those bad months.

On the other hand, consider the case of a relative with a gambling addiction who gambles away the rent and food money. You could give that relative a mountain of cash, but it wouldn’t help, as long as they had the gambling addiction.

There are grey areas, but the question to ask is, is what I am doing helping? Is the situation better because of what I am doing?

 

[chefmomster2]

For example,if one is a Catholic,if they feel overwhelm at their kids,life etc they might ask someone to help “carry their cross”
If someone isn’t Christian then they look at overwhelm/stress from a Psychological view-ie that it’s an abnormality in your hypothalamic-pituitary-adrenal axis and learn how to react different to situations and do destressing activities.

So,doesn’t asking for someone to help carry your cross actually keep a person emotionally undeveloped and with poor coping skills?
I find all this confusing to understand because I see many Catholics that are stressed or trapped in cycles of stress.
Thanks

So Catholics are stressed, but Buddhists aren’t? Christians worry, but Jews never do? Stress is a common human affliction that is shared by people of all faiths. It is a problem among believers and non-believers. Your thesis just doesn’t hold true.

How would asking a fellow Catholic for support be different from asking a psychologist for help, beyond the professional aspect of therapy? We all (Christian or not) seek assistance at all times. We need farmers to grow our food, grocers to sell it, a person to prepare it. And that is only the beginning! It isn’t about “weakness”, but rather community! Once man settled into towns he began to specialize in various trades. No longer was he so isolated and self-sufficient.

I would also argue that Christianity removes stress and preoccupation with the day-to-day trials of life through the reassurance of God.

NABRE Matthew 6:25-34
Dependence on God.
25 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat [or drink], or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food and the body more than clothing?
26 Look at the birds in the sky; they do not sow or reap, they gather nothing into barns, yet your heavenly Father feeds them.** Are not you more important than they?**
27 Can any of you by worrying add a single moment to your life-span?
28 Why are you anxious about clothes? Learn from the way the wild flowers grow. They do not work or spin.
29 But I tell you that not even Solomon in all his splendor was clothed like one of them.
30 If God so clothes the grass of the field, which grows today and is thrown into the oven tomorrow, will he not much more provide for you, O you of little faith?
31 So do not worry and say, ‘What are we to eat?’ or ‘What are we to drink?’ or ‘What are we to wear?’
32 All these things the pagans seek. Your heavenly Father knows that you need them all.
33 But seek first the kingdom (of God) and his righteousness, and all these things will be given you besides.
34 Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil.

NABRE Romans 5:
Faith, Hope, and Love.
1 Therefore, since we have been justified by faith, we have peace with God through our Lord Jesus Christ,
2 through whom we have gained access [by faith] to this grace in which we stand, and we boast in hope of the glory of God.b
3 Not only that, but we even boast of our afflictions, knowing that affliction produces endurance,
4 and endurance, proven character, and proven character, hope,
5 and hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out into our hearts through the holy Spirit that has been given to us.d
6 For Christ, while we were still helpless, yet died at the appointed time for the ungodly.
7 Indeed, only with difficulty does one die for a just person, though perhaps for a good person one might even find courage to die.
8 But God proves his love for us in that while we were still sinners Christ died for us.e
9 How much more then, since we are now justified by his blood, will we be saved through him from the wrath.
10 Indeed, if, while we were enemies, we were reconciled to God through the death of his Son, how much more, once reconciled, will we be saved by his life.
11 Not only that, but we also boast of God through our Lord Jesus Christ, through whom we have now received reconciliation.

Being Christian does not mean that we must ignore the psychological advances in behavioral healthcare. Christians are as free to seek counseling and behavioral therapy as anyone else! We are, I would assert, required to receive care so that our thinking remains clear and deliberative, we don’t fall prey to suicidal thoughts, and we care for the temple which is our body.

 

[JimG]

In which ways does narcissism manifest in life?

In a lot of ways, Narcissism makes everything about me. My problems, my wants, my desires, my day to day difficulties. And it’s easier to engage in now than ever. In the past, people might have kept diaries, where they wrote down their day to day thoughts, feelings, or emotional roller coaster rides. Years later, they would read through the private diary and think, ‘I can’t believe I wrote that!’

Now they just publish all their personal fleeting feelings daily to their blogs, to Facebook, to Twitter, making all the world privy to what should be private whining.

 

[edwest2]

Thanks.
I didn’t mean to make generalisations.
I just meant more that if someone always helps someone that is overwhelmed arnt they then preventing the individual from learning how to cope with their problems/cope with life?
Also,by everyone depending on each other,isn’t that called codependance and unhealthy?
For example,if their was a mum that was always overwhelmed with her crying baby and if everyone always rushed to take the baby off her hands and help when she was overwhelmed then wouldn’t she never learn how to deal with her situation positively and healthily,look at her situation in a different more relaxed way etc?
By always jumping in and helping her isn’t that keeping her trapped at her same emotional and coping level,if that makes sense?

There are always going to be people with differences in how they handle stress. We cannot diagnose people as a psychiatrist would. What we need are communities. People who can counsel each other and understand the underlying cause of stress or difficulty in coping for different people. Using psychological terminology without having any training only clouds the issue. On a case by case basis, we either help or not. Some of us have no ability or training in codependence or anything like that. This trapped idea is an assumption. Sometimes, people are trapped and need professional counseling. We may, in some cases, suggest it, but they may not believe it or refuse. I know people with certain habits and inclinations that cause trouble in their own lives. In some cases, nothing I can say will change that person’s behavior to one that would healthier. I am dealing with one such person right now. All I can do is encourage him. And pray.

Being Catholic means you help your neighbor to the best of your ability.

Peace,
Ed

 

[SecretCatholic]

I was going to give a detailed response here, but I see others have already beaten me to the punch. I think there is some great advice in this thread.

If anything, I think some of our hangups have to do with our cultural image of Catholicism, rather than was Catholicism actually allows and encourages. Yes, the woman quietly praying the rosary for hours upon hours everyday at the church is a good Catholic. But so is the Catholic Psychologist who helps people through psychology and spirituality and so is the Catholic researcher who found a cure for some types of dementia.

Look at all the animals on the Earth. Some are very different from each other. And yet they are all good! There are many ways of being a good Catholic and many ways of approaching issues practically while being true to Christ’s way.