Does God call people to be single there whole life?

[Truck]

I am wondering does God call people to be single there whole life? I just wonder if there’s a “single vocation” Or if the only two are Married or Religious.

 

[Christy_Beth]

Of course there’s a singles vocation. God doesn’t overlook that. Which is kind of comforting. It’s said that women outnumber men. Not by much, but it’s there. So, for some of us, it’s single all the way.

Actually, I’m divorced. It wasn’t a pretty sight. I’m 45 and am accepting my singleness. Sometimes I daydream about being married, but some of it is a real turnoff for me.

 

[Norseman82]

I am wondering does God call people to be single there whole life? I just wonder if there’s a “single vocation” Or if the only two are Married or Religious.

There is no formal/official “single vocation”. As a prerequisite, I suggest that you (and everyone else, for that matter, since there are a lot of false speculations being thrown around today about vocations) pick up the catechism and read the section on marriage (CCC 1602-1658, with the last paragraph talking about singles), the section on the fourth commandment (CC 2197-2233, with paragraph 2231 referring to those who forgo marriage), and the section on “the lay faithful” (CCC 897-933, the last half talking about the consecrated life). Also, paragraph 2233 refers to “virginity for the sake of the kingdom” as priestly ministry or consecrated life. This will give a “big picture” necessary in understanding the various states of life and how they relate to each other and the Church. But being single is not referred to a vocation in the catechism, and unless one takes vows one is not prohibited from later becoming married or clergy/religious (provided there are no other impediments).

The only time the Bible mandates being single is in a situation like Christy Beth’s: if you are divorced, either you reconcile with your spouse or wait for him/her to kick the bucket (this is soemwhere in 1 Corinthians). And I suspect/observe that the rise of the “single vocation” phenomenon has followed the rise of feminism (the whole “you don’t need a man” thing) and divorce in our culture, either because divorced women are taking lay leadership positions in church or because the whole divorce phenomenon is scaring people away from marriage (or being used to scare people away from marriage).

 

[BarbaraTherese]

There is no formal/official “single vocation”. As a prerequisite, I suggest that you (and everyone else, for that matter, since there are a lot of false speculations being thrown around today about vocations) pick up the catechism and read the section on marriage (CCC 1602-1658, with the last paragraph talking about singles), the section on the fourth commandment (CC 2197-2233, with paragraph 2231 referring to those who forgo marriage), and the section on “the lay faithful” (CCC 897-933, the last half talking about the consecrated life). Also, paragraph 2233 refers to “virginity for the sake of the kingdom” as priestly ministry or consecrated life. This will give a “big picture” necessary in understanding the various states of life and how they relate to each other and the Church. But being single is not referred to a vocation in the catechism, and unless one takes vows one is not prohibited from later becoming married or clergy/religious (provided there are no other impediments).

The only time the Bible mandates being single is in a situation like Christy Beth’s: if you are divorced, either you reconcile with your spouse or wait for him/her to kick the bucket (this is soemwhere in 1 Corinthians). And I suspect/observe that the rise of the “single vocation” phenomenon has followed the rise of feminism (the whole “you don’t need a man” thing) and divorce in our culture, either because divorced women are taking lay leadership positions in church or because the whole divorce phenomenon is scaring people away from marriage (or being used to scare people away from marriage).

…what if one has impediments to religious life (female) and has been divorced and annulled - unable to enter relgious life nor feeling a call to marriage, does feel a call to the next available thing, the single state under private vows to a specific way of life.
Such a vocation is experienced as a call from God to live that way of life and affirmed by a few priests and also religious…I certainly do not feel God has denied me a vocation, rather my awareness is of being called and living as I have been called. Undoubtedly did I not have impediments, I would choose to enter religious life simply because it would be the far easier way. I am not saying religious life is easy, for it sure has its problems and challenges, but nothing like a life alone and a frugal and poor one - although embraced peacefully and joyfully. Living alone is not easy especially if striving to live a life of prayer and a certain way of life. My way of life is definitely embraced as “for the sake of The Kingdom”. The word “God” incidentally means “The Callled and The Calling”.

There has been a thread on this subject in February and if you scroll down to each of my Posts you will see where I quote various authorities and papal documents that affirm the single state as a call from God or vocation, as well as various other matters

.

Re “virginity for the sake of The Kingdom” one does not have to be a virgin to entere religious life or the priesthood. There is the state of consecrated virginity for women known as The Order of Virgins. Jesus did speak of “enuchs being made for the sake of The Kingdom”…which is taken to mean the state of celibate chastity, which is not virginity.

And I suspect/observe that the rise of the “single vocation” phenomenon has followed the rise of feminism (the whole “you don’t need a man” thing) and divorce in our culture, either because divorced women are taking lay leadership positions in church or because the whole divorce phenomenon is scaring people away from marriage (or being used to scare people away from marriage

A negative viewpoint since not only women are choosing the single state as their call from God. Connecting the single state with feminism does push under the carpet to my mind those women who have chosen the single state and celibate chastity for the sake of The Kingdom.
One of our Archbishops here in Australia (I think it might be Brisbane) is admitting to yearly promises women who share a communal life and work on a professional level mainly in The Church…by professional, I mean these women are extremely well educated for their various fields and ministries. Their life is communal and prayerful. Their state remains lay or single. They are embracing this life for the sake of The Kingdom or The Gospel. Not that we should sit in judgement on motivation …for anyone, anywhere, anytime. “He who is not against us is for us”.
I really think there is too much elitism in The Church. Yes, we are a heirarchy, a monarchy…but our King chose to become an itinerarent preacher of his day and a very poor one without worldly type airs and graces. This was not his accidental state, nor imposed on Him - He chose it. That has to say something and something very important I think. Many of our various levels of authority I think often have become tainted with a worldly elitism and trappings and this is sad and perhaps in some ways imposed on them by we laity in some instances.

Blessings - Barb

 

[BarbaraTherese]

I forgot to put in the thread link from the February thread I mentioned (quote box) in my previous post

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=216246&highlight=single+life

 

[Bataar]

…what if one has impediments to religious life (female) and has been divorced and annulled - unable to enter relgious life nor feeling a call to marriage, does feel a call to the next available thing, the single state under private vows to a specific way of life.
Such a vocation is experienced as a call from God to live that way of life and affirmed by a few priests and also religious…I certainly do not feel God has denied me a vocation, rather my awareness is of being called and living as I have been called. Undoubtedly did I not have impediments, I would choose to enter religious life simply because it would be the far easier way. I am not saying religious life is easy, for it sure has its problems and challenges, but nothing like a life alone and a frugal and poor one - although embraced peacefully and joyfully. Living alone is not easy especially if striving to live a life of prayer and a certain way of life. My way of life is definitely embraced as “for the sake of The Kingdom”. The word “God” incidentally means “The Callled and The Calling”.

Re “virginity for the sake of The Kingdom” one does not have to be a virgin to entere religious life or the priesthood. There is the state of consecrated virginity for women known as The Order of Virgins. Jesus did speak of “enuchs being made for the sake of The Kingdom”…which is taken to mean the state of celibate chastity, which is not virginity.

A negative viewpoint since not only women are choosing the single state as their call from God. Connecting the single state with feminism does push under the carpet to my mind those women who have chosen the single state and celibate chastity for the sake of The Kingdom.
One of our Archbishops here in Australia (I think it might be Brisbane) is admitting to yearly promises women who share a communal life and work on a professional level mainly in The Church…by professional, I mean these women are extremely well educated for their various fields and ministries. Their life is communal and prayerful. Their state remains lay or single. They are embracing this life for the sake of The Kingdom or The Gospel. Not that we should sit in judgement on motivation …for anyone, anywhere, anytime. “He who is not against us is for us”.
I really think there is too much elitism in The Church. Yes, we are a heirarchy, a monarchy…but our King chose to become an itinerarent preacher of his day and a very poor one without worldly type airs and graces. This was not his accidental state, nor imposed on Him - He chose it. That has to say something and something very important I think. Many of our various levels of authority I think often have become tainted with a worldly elitism and trappings and this is sad and perhaps in some ways imposed on them by we laity in some instances.

Blessings - Barb

I think he’s probably referring to people like me. I’m choosing to remain single for a variety of reasons. One of those reasons is the fear of getting divorced for no legitimate reason and thereby losing custody of kids (if present), potentially losing a house, car, alimony, retirement, not being able to re-marry, etc.

 

[BarbaraTherese]

I think he’s probably referring to people like me. I’m choosing to remain single for a variety of reasons. One of those reasons is the fear of getting divorced for no legitimate reason and thereby losing custody of kids (if present), potentially losing a house, car, alimony, retirement, not being able to re-marry, etc.

Hi there Bataar …I am not too sure to whom you are referring with the “he’s probably referring” above, although I think it may be Noresman82 to whom I was responding initially.

To choose to remain single “for the sake of The Gospel” and to follow the Gospel in a most radical way is not actually the same as choosing to remain single out of some sort of fear. A vocation is a call from God and is responded to as such and for quite positive motives, not out of any sort of fear. Be that as it may any sort of vocation can begin without the best of motives and then grow out of that to more positive motives and service of The Lord. I once asked a priest why he had become a priest (and he was a most holy man devoted to The Lord) and he told me that he became a priest intially simply because he was afraid of Hell…which did give me a smile since I simply could not imagine Father as ever being anything but very holy.

It is also possible to take up a certain vocation without actually being called to that vocation - and The Lord may then grant the vocation. However if one takes up a vocation and the Lord does not then grant the vocation, the person would not persevere. Those who do persevere and live a life unworthy of that call are simply unfaithful to Graces granted including the Grace of their vocation and call from God.
It is also quite possible that God may call a person to a way of life only for a certain period. Be that as it may, to make vows or promises that are valid at the time and then to break them is a quite serious matter and one should not do so without careful prayer and thought as well as seeking sound spiritual advice over a period of time.

Blessings - Barb

 

[mullenpm]

There are many reasons for a woman to remain single. I was the second oldest in a family of four brothers and a baby sister. My father died when my sister was not yet a year old and I suspected (or felt in my heart) that I, being the only other girl, would be the person to raise my sister if anything should happen to my mother. If I had married I could not know how a spouse would react to having to take in a sibling to raise (especially one who had a serious illness, as my sister had); so I decided not to marry. Unfortunately, my mother did die and my sister became my responsibility, which I accepted willingly.

So, one does not necessarily remain single because one is afraid of a failed marriage.

 

[LilyM]

Umm, there are saints, including Catherine of Siena (Doctor of the Church), Rose of Lima and Benedict Joseph Labre, who were neither married, divorced, separated, widowed nor religious. Single is definitely a vocation.

 

[ASimpleSinner]

I am wondering does God call people to be single there whole life? I just wonder if there’s a “single vocation” Or if the only two are Married or Religious.

I rather think He does! Until recently, as many as 25% of the Irish never married, and most did NOT become priests or nuns. I have several bachelor grand-uncles, and where I attend Mass on weekdays there are several never-married folks who are retired (men and women) whose material support of The Church through volunteer efforts (one is a physician who has donated uncounted hours of medical care to priests and religous) has been far more vast and comprehensive as a result of them being single…

If God wants you to be married, He makes it happen. If He wants you all to Himself, abandonment to Divine Providence helps us to see that and joyfully move.

-Simple, a single 30something

 

[BarbaraTherese]

Yes, the single state can be a vocation and call from God. There have been a couple of recent threads on this which contain good information in some posts, and by far prove that the single state can be a vocation.
forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=216246&highlight=single+vocation

forums.catholic-questions.org/showthread.php?t=248579

It can be forgotten that Baptism is a call and vocation and if God calls one to fulfill one’s Baptismal vows through the single state, then so be it and hence the single state becomes the state of vocation.
The 4July, besides American Independance Day:thumbsup: and First Friday this month, is in fact is the Optional Memorial of St. Elizabeth of Portugal who after the death of her husband was persuaded not to go into religious life as she desired, rather to become a Third Order member and remain single in the lay state:
catholicculture.org/liturgicalyear/calendar/day.cfm?date=2008-07-04

We have heaps of saints who remained in the single state.

Religious life incidentally is not a sacrament and builds on one’s Baptism which is the primary vocation and sacrament in religious life. I think there is much confusion re the single state being a vocation as for many years pre V2, the only time The Church adopted the word “vocation” was in connection with the priesthood and also religious life or marriage. It was with Vatican2 that the clear theology which always existed that Baptism is a vocation as well as a sacrament came to be affirmed with clarity.
Every Easter we renew our Baptismal vows.

Blessings…Barb

 

[BarbaraTherese]

In the past, pre V2 for sure,The Church tended to give “vocation” a too restricted meaning, which tended to take away from the full meaning of the word and create confusion re the single state, I think:
Meaning of the word vocation:
Catholic Culture Catholic Dictionary
catholicculture.org/library/dictionary/index.cfm?id=37136
VOCATION

A call from God to a distinctive state of life, in which the person can reach holiness. The Second Vatican Council made it plain that there is a “Universal call [vocatio] to holiness in the Church” (Lumen Gentium, 39). (Etym. Latin vocatio, a calling, summoning; from vocare, to call.)

Catholic Catechism:

940 ***“The characteristic of the lay state being a life led in the midst of the world and of secular affairs, lay people are called by God to make of their apostolate, through the vigor of their Christian spirit, a leaven in the world” (AA 2 § 2). ***

941 Lay people share in Christ’s priesthood: ever more united with him, they exhibit the grace of Baptism and Confirmation in all dimensions of their personal family, social and ecclesial lives, and so fulfill the call to holiness addressed to all the baptized.

942 By virtue of their prophetic mission, lay people “are called . . . to be witnesses to Christ in all circumstances and at the very heart of the community of mankind” (*GS *43 § 4).

943 By virtue of their kingly mission, lay people have the power to uproot the rule of sin within themselves and in the world, by their self-denial and holiness of life (cf. *LG *36).

944 The life consecrated to God is characterized by the public profession of the evangelical counsels of poverty, chastity, and obedience, in a stable state of life recognized by the Church.
945 Already destined for him through Baptism, the person who surrenders himself to the God he loves above all else thereby consecrates himself more intimately to God’s service and to the good of the whole Church.

My note: Religious life is a formal consecration within the life and structure of The Church of the whole of life under the vows of Poverty, Chastity and Obedience…this consecration can be lived without formal consecration into religious life.
Personally, I think there is a real need for people remaining in the single state yet committed totally to Christ and The Gospel, simply because we lay people can go into places and situations which religious tend to avoid, or do avoid altogether, yet these places and situation do need the presence of that leaven which is a comittment to Christ and His Gospel. We single people have work to do from The Lord…or a vocation or call from God to the single state.

 

[CarolAnnSFO]

I am wondering does God call people to be single there whole life? I just wonder if there’s a “single vocation” Or if the only two are Married or Religious.

I certainly hope there’s a single vocation, because that’s the life that appears to have been chosen for me. I have never been married, and not because I’ve chosen to be single, either (and not because I think “I don’t need a man”).

At my age, I have a better chance of being hit by lightning, twice, than I have of ever getting married (yes, I realize that some people get married at a more advanced age, but they are almost always people who have been married before).

Since I am not called to the religious life, I have to assume either that I am called to the single life, or that God has no plan for me at all, and I refuse to believe the latter.

 

[jeaniemarie]

I’m with CarolAnnSFO. I’ve not made a deliberate choice to pursue marriage, nor have I made deliberate choice to remain single. I’ve simply left it in God’s hands - I have choosen to be content with whichever state he has planned for me.

Having said that, I do believe there are other’s who are called and know they are called to be single. And, I believe being single is a vocation tho not formally recognized by the Church. As a previous poster stated, having not taken a vow, you are free to marry if you choose.

I also thought the poster who mentioned something about the rise in singles being due to feminism is partially correct. Tho I wouldn’t define it as the type of feminism that is hostile towards men. My father raised his daughters to be independant and capable of taking care of themselves. He was especially concerned with us girls being educated and able to support ourselves. He told me this was so that if the time came that I choose to marry it would be because I wanted to marry and not because I NEEDED to marry in order to have a roof over my head and clothes on my back. The fact that we live in a place and time where I had the opportunity to be educated and employed and able to support my self definitely has an impact on my marital state. For my mother and grandmothers their options were very limited.

So, for me, not needing to depend on a man to support me has led to freedom of choice. I don’t hate men, I don’t hate marriage. I would be thrilled if God brought Mr. Right along and we lived happily ever after. But in the mean time, I don’t have to settle for Mr. Wrong either.

 

[JohnnyReb]

The single state precedes marriage. One thing to keep in mind, is that to marry, one has to be in a place in life where they can accomodate marriage. Those called to marriage are called to marriage at a specific time with another person.

To enter marriage

1. There must be a person who is feels called to marriage with you
2. You should be emotionally and financially ready for marriage.

I have neither condition in my life right now. I am currently discerning a possible vocation to be a priest, but I am open to other vocations as well, including marriage. One has to discern their calling.

I recently dated and become engaged to a girl. She and I decided that we were not called to marriage with each other. We had nothing in common besides our Catholic faith. We fought all the time, more often than not.

Does this mean I am not called to marriage ultimately? No. But it does mean right now, until I might find someone to date, I am in a single state. If I get real deep into discerning the priesthood, then I will not date at all. That is not fair to the person I’m dating that I might just leave at any time due to what God is calling me to do.

God does not expect us to quit growing spiritually in any state of life. God uses our circumstances for his glory and to further God’s kingdom, if we let him.

God places people in the single state for a reason. It in my view is at least a temporary vocation. For those who have circumstances that might prevent marriage, it becomes a permanent vocation. A divorced person may not be able to reconcile to a former spouse. They must remain single.

I am employed but my job does would not provide for a family efficiently. I cannot provide for a family on $7.50 an hour. Until something in my career field opens up and I am ready, I do not feel that I am called to marriage.

 

[Marsha_Adams]

Many people are married who have no vocation to marriage, just as many people are in religious life who have no vocation to it. These people often tend to be very unhappy with their state in life. The single state may or may not be a vocation, i.e. a calling. If you are single by accident, I’d would say no it isn’t a vocation. If you are single because you have given it much thought and have decided that it is in this state that you can best serve God, then I would say yes, that is a vocation.

If you are not called to married life, and you are not called to religious life, then by default you must be called to the single life. As a 58 yr. old never married female, I have to believe that I am called to serve God as single person. But just because I am single does not necessarily mean that I am living out my vocation as a single person. I could instead just live my life with my singleness being a coincidence instead of a calling.

The better question might be how can single people live the single vocation?

 

[CarolAnnSFO]

The better question might be how can single people live the single vocation?

That’s an excellent question, and I’d be interested to hear other single peoples’ ideas on the subject.

Too often, that question is answered with the faulty assumption that all single people are swimming in extra money and free time – not at all the case for some of us.

 

[Marsha_Adams]

Too often, that question is answered with the faulty assumption that all single people are swimming in extra money and free time – not at all the case for some of us.

Thoughts on living single life as a vocation:

Single people in a couples world are sometimes lonely if you are embracing singleness as a vocation, take pains to offer that loneliness up for the Holy Souls in Purgatory.

Single people often (not always) have more time than married people who need to devote time to spouse and children, use that time for prayer and meditation or in doing volunteer work such as visiting shut-ins.

If you lack time, set up a time schedule and budget it carefully - even sacrificially - to carve out a few minutes here and there that can be devoted to prayer and/or ministering to others.

By the way, you do know that I am making this up as I go, right?

 

[CarolAnnSFO]

By the way, you do know that I am making this up as I go, right?

That’s OK; I don’t mind!

Carving out more time for prayer is definitely a good idea.

My free time, such as it is, tends to come at oddball hours, like 2AM; I think that works better for prayer than for directly ministering to other people.

 

[barb_finnegan]

I guess it can happen. I had a ‘maiden aunt’ who never married. She worked to support herself, but she always had time to go traveling overseas. I think I got my ‘traveling bug’ from her

But it can be lonely, especially as you get older. I keep pretty much to myself-I don’t do any volunteer work or stuff like that. I’m just not a ‘organizing’ ‘leader’ type-I get confused by the details!