Does God exist in the "Prozac" world?

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Madaglan

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I’m having a lot of difficulties right now. I’ve been really depressed for at least the past four years nonstop. During the first year I took several SSRI’s, but they made me feel like I was in some illusionary hellish world, and so I stopped. From that time to about a week or two ago, things did not get better. The feelings I wanted never came back, I didn’t have an closer conversion to God, and the pain was still very much there. Just last week the pain became too much, and I started going on Wellbutrin. After one week of the low dose, things are returning to that hellish illusionary world, but at least I can feel the pain. I don’t know if anyone else there knows what I’m talking about. I didn’t know what this world was like until I became really depressed 4-5 years ago.

I feel really afraid and horrified in this world. The perspective one has in being on medication is different from that of one who is depressed, and even more different from one who has never been depressed. I am afraid that the people around me are not people but only illusions of my mind; it’s as though there has been a great dimensional shift in the universe for me. Worst of all, this dimension shift makes me feel as though there is no God :crying: I ask Him to help me in this time of trouble with some consolation, but I only hear static on the other end. I wonder if there’s anything there at all.

Unfortunately this medication is known for increasing sex drive, and it is doing it to me, to a ridiculous degree 😦 I just want to be normal, to know that God is there and that everything is all right.

Does anyone know what I’m talking about when I say the dimension shift that seems to happen as a result of switching between taking a new medication, being depressed, and being normal (whatever that may be)?
 
It sounds to me as tho you may need to try out different meds. I and other members of my family are subject to both serious depression and bipolar disorder. Some people do well on medication that will drive another over the wall. Sometimes just a switch will work and other times it takes some serious trial and error. Unfortunately, it is not like a bacteria that can be cultured and then you know what will take care of it. I hope you have a psyc person who is willing to work with you on this. Then you will have the correct balance and should not feel so disconnected.
 
Madaglan,

I’ve suffered from chronic depression for the better part of my 44 years of life. It wasn’t till about 15 years ago that I was 1st treated for the illness. About 10 years ago I stopped being hard-headed about it all and accepted the reality: I have to take meds everyday of my life. I take prozac every morning. The medicine, when taken as proscribed, works for me.

The only side effects I suffer from is the occasional sleepiness and dry mouth. This is rare and usually occurs when I don’t take care of myself.

There’s a LOT of choice in medication for depression now. Talk with your doctor and then follow the plan he and you devise. Most importantly, be honest with your doctor and yourself at ALL times.

God Bless you
 
Keep trying, I had to switch doctors. Welbutrin for example made me think of the worst thoughts, my doctor took me off off instantly. One thing though, avoid the advice of those well meaning types that tell you God wants you organic, or simply sip herbal teas and go to meditation. I remember what it was like with out medicine. I would not be writing this now it is that simple.

It is a cross plain and simple. When I take enough Lithium to be effective I tremble and loose the ability to do things I love as well as have problems in hearing. I fight with God. I tell him if I go deaf, as a muscian, then the heck with him and I am out of here! I do not take that grasciously. And I resent people who tell me about taking his burdens too!

Yet it is as if he is also saying look your not deaf yet keep playing, and I can still paint with glasses and a maul stick or a hand brace for smaller things so the tremors aren’t so bad In effect it is as if he is pointing out how the illness causes me to fight battles that haven’t even happened. Then I am ashamed that I suffer from this paranoia on top of the depression. There is little jest at this point in the idea of dying from embarassment.

However, the littlest thing reminds you of the connection with the Holy Spirit. I was escorting a college student to the parking lot when she observed a bird obviously dying from hitting a window. I doubt even a specialized vet could have helped. I reminded her as she is a Christian of the Lord has a count on everyone of their heads, with th follow up of course how much more important are we than the sparrows. I reassured her about God’s world and everything being in place. In saying this I was not some drug shaped float case. The scriptures were alive and instantaneous in my being. So the flip side of a bipolar forlorn personality is an intellect shaped to witness to the veracity of the Gospel. In the deepest darkness of depression it is the Lord who defines the parameters of light.

AC
 
Magdalan,

I know what you mean. I have a bi polar disorder, heavy on the depression. I hated my life on meds. They didn’t do enough to help the depression and the side effects were unbearable. SSRI’s made my manic enough (sex drive, agitation, desire to spend) to put my marriage in jeapardy, and sometimes my life.

I understand what you are feeling. I do not know what the answer is for you. There are other meds to try. Some people find relief in other meds.

I took myself off meds entirely, because I would rather be normal some of the time than in med hell all of the time. I have had some rough times. The withdrawal from meds was really bad, but life has been better since then. Even the episodes of depression have not made me willing to go back.

People think that because meds exist, they are for everyone with the problem. People become unwilling to support a diagnosed person who is not on meds, under some false belief that you should take your pill, feel better and shut up. It is just not so. You are still worthy of support, (name removed by moderator)ut etc.

There are many things that have helped me piece a life together that I can maintain med free and functional for very long periods of time. Finding a church and friends, a job that I can handle, some constructive outlets for my energy and creativity have all helped.

I spend time on spirituality. I write and care for livestock and pets. I moved to the sunny south which really helped a great deal!!! I try to spend a good amount of time outside every day. The sunshine helps soooo much.

I hope you have a therapist, friend, hubby who is willing to work with you to create a life that works. Meds exist, they help many people, but if there is not a med that works for you, then it is just as if they did not exist. What then? Well, then people have to get creative, supportive, and willing to try other things, not to give up on you, doom you with prophecies of a wasted life.

People do live and function with a condition such as yours. There are things we can do, and things we cant do, just like everyone else. It can work!

SSRI’s did much damage to my psyche and life. It took some time to recover, but there is life beyond them, and it can be sweet.

I would be very willing to PM with you if it would help.

cheddar
 
Madaglan,

Some of what you’re saying sounds exactly like what my friend is going through. She has been very afraid these past couple of months that things are not real, and that everyone (and everything) is an illusion except for her. She is afraid that she is making the entire world up in her mind, and she cannot disprove it logically, which makes the fear almost impossible to remedy. I try to reason with her in any number of ways, like pointing to physics and math concepts and telling her she isn’t smart enough to come up with all of this stuff by herself 😛 Of course, it doesn’t really work. She has also moved from being a strong Catholic to being a weak atheist; a major component of this has been her feeling as though God has done nothing to help her during the most difficult period in her life. Sometimes she says that if God exists, she hates Him because He has left her to suffer. She is just starting medication after an extensive evaluation; perhaps it will help.

Unfortunately, I don’t really have any advice. I have done research, and I know that people suffer from this and overcome it. You must be going through such a difficult time; if it’s anything like what my friend is experiencing, you probably feel lost and in so much pain http://forum.catholic.com/images/smilies/frown.gif I guess one of my only suggestions would be to make sure that you’re around a lot of people who love you and will support you throughout this ordeal. Also, if at all possible, try to add a little humor to your life; sometimes it brightens things up. Just make sure not to isolate yourself. It is extremely important to spend time around other people who care about you. (My friend says that when she’s around other people she doesn’t think so much that they’re not real.) In addition, make sure your psychiatrist is someone you can trust, and with whom you feel very comfortable. I’ve had a couple of psychologists tell me that you must choose your psychiatrist like you choose your wife! Thankfully, if something isn’t working with your psychiatrist, you can always get a different one. Obviously, if some form of medication is not working, he should probably be trying something else. If you’re very sensitive to medication you need a skilled psychopharmacologist.

If you care to read it, this article discusses suffering from a Catholic perspective: americancatholic.org/Newsletters/CU/ac0287.asp

I just want to add one more thing about medication and mental disorder. I really think it’s most profitable if you find a very skilled psychiatrist and then trust him when it comes to medication. If you have a chemical imbalance, life without medication is not normal. Medicine attempts to correct a real, physical, and often debilitating chemical imbalance, and different medicines use different mechanisms to do so. You’re not the first person to experience this, and even though it may seem like no one understands you, there are psychiatrists out there who have an intimate knowledge of these disorders and the medicines that are used to treat them. It seems like it’s been a very tough road for you so far, but hang in there. God is with you.

From the website I linked to:
The heart of the Good News is that God is with us—a God who wills us, not to death and destruction, but to healing and fuller life. Though our world and our lives seem utterly broken by sin and incompleteness, God’s power is at work bringing all to wholeness. No matter how crushed and abandoned we feel, Scripture assures us that God has special care for us even in moments of suffering and death. “Not one sparrow falls to the ground without your Father’s notice,” says Jesus. “As for you, even the hairs of your head are counted. So do not be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows!” (Matthew 10:29-31)
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Madaglan, I’ve seen you post various things in these forums concerning depression in the past. I will add you to my prayers whenever I pray for my friend.

God bless you http://forum.catholic.com/images/smilies/smile.gif
 
I know of people first hand who have had awsome results taking a food supplement. They quit taking any medication after a short time and feel like new. Have you tried something like that? My prayers go out to you.

May God :blessyou:
 
Madaglan,

Like so many others who I see posting here, I too have suffered most of my life with depression. Huge depression, awful, beat-myself-up, hide in the closet, cry at the smallest thing, desire nothing more in the world than to be removed from it - sort of depression.

Meds are an incredibly personal thing. What works for one may not work for another. If one doesn’t work, how quickly are you going to want to try another? It may take a long while to find what will work.

I’ve not experienced what you describe as a “phase shift” in my reality - [as an aside, have you told your prescribing physician about this experience?] What I have experienced on the anti-depressants is that my soul seems clouded over and I don’t perceive things as sharply as I can while not on them. That feeling kept me off anti-depressants for a long while.

Feeling alienated from God, yes, I’ve been there too. When in those times I make an act of faith, “Lord Jesus I believe in you - even though I cannot feel you, Lord Jesus I trust in you.” My faith has grown through this excersise. The chaplet of divine mercy helps, or, simply pray the name Jesus over and over. Distance from God in the degree that you express it, sounds to me very like a dark night of the soul. St. John of the Cross wrote a book with that title and St. Theresa of Avilla describes similar experiences in some of her writings. More recently, St. Faustina Kowalska has described her dark night in her diary, subtitled “Divine Mercy in my Soul.”

You’re not alone - even though it may feel that way most of the time.

Look up,
Kim
 
As a wife and mother who takes Effexor – a SSRI/SNRI for depression and migraine prevention, I can say that God does exist in my world – if anything it like the sun is little brighter, I see more details in home and family – stuff I guess I was glossing over while depressed or in pain.

Find the right med and the right doctor, It will make a wonderful difference.

I will pray for you.
 
Thank you everyone for your posts. I was away during the weekend doing work at someone’s house while they were away. The problems with Wellbutrin got really bad Friday night and Saturday till the evening. I stopped Wellbutrin on Saturday evening because it was causing me to have really unpredictable breakdowns and it transported me to a different hellish dimension of reality.

Right now, Monday, I am feeling a little better than when on Wellbutrin. However, I am afraid that once my body gets adjusted to not being on Wellbutrin, it will go back to it’s old self. But in any case, I don’t think I’ll try any more medication soon. I’ve had really bad experiences already with the four drugs I’ve tried. I’ve tried a few supplements too, like St. John’s Wort, SAM-e, etc., which weren’t as bad with the side effects, but which didn’t work and still made me sleepy and a little disconnected.

I’ll tell everyone what I plan on taking next.

Thanks again. 🙂
 
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Madaglan:
I’ve tried a few supplements too, like St. John’s Wort, SAM-e, etc., which weren’t as bad with the side effects, but which didn’t work and still made me sleepy and a little disconnected.

I’ll tell everyone what I plan on taking next.

Thanks again. 🙂
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Madaglan :tiphat:

I was serious about people with severe depression that stop taking medications while using the food supplement I was talking about. If you are interested please respond if not this is my last effort to help. Meanwhile, you will be in our prayers.

God :blessyou:
 
A good doctor is of infinite value. Well meaning amateurs can place aperson in a position where a rope and a tree looks like the only solution by advocating sipping tea or meditating. It seems like a good thing until it becomes evident that depressive episodes, while quite irrational, take on a life of their own.

I haf to shop around to get someone effective. My docotor is was sharp capable lady. My trust in her approach to “not just throw pills at me” really helps. Each medicine I am on is explained and tested.

sadowa
 
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