Does Marriage take you away from God?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Walterross
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
W

Walterross

Guest
Hi y’all.

I have a few questions concerning marriage. I have always wanted to be married. I’ve always wanted to fall in love, have kids, etc… My question is that I’ve read St. Paul’s words on marriage, that he wishes everyone (single) would be like him, because if not you are not only concerned with pleasing God, but with the duties of marriage.

I also am concerned that if I ever find someone to marry, I may end up idolizing this person. With all the world tells us about love and romance and all that jazz, if we finally do find someone who we are compatible with, wouldn’t it be hard not to idolize this person? I know of Jesus’ teaching that if you love your father/mother, or son/daughter more than Him you are not worthy of Him. I’d assume this goes for anyone you are close to including a spouse. However, with the vows you take at marriage to love the person until death, in various conditions (unconditionally), I feel like I’d slip onto the slope of loving my wife TOO much.

Also with kids: I’ve had this fear for the salvation of my family members (mom, dad, brothers, cousins, grandparents, etc.) When I think of how easy it is to not choose God in this life, aka choose hell, it makes me rather depressed at how many people don’t. Wide is the way that leads to destruction after all. With seeing how I myself have walked that road in my life and luckily, did not die on it, it stirs up a fear in me for anyone I love. I worry enough about my family now, so why on earth would I add more people in the world (who may lose their salvation) Like Jesus said about Judas: it is better that he would have never been born. So if there is a chance that they may go to hell (which there is), why would I even, so to speak, give birth to them? I fear this worry would also bring me into a state of constant worry, possibly pushing me away from God as well.

I suppose my overall question (especially to those who are married in the Catholic Church, does your marriage bring you closer to, or further away from God?
 
Yes, you can love both God and spouse.

It is not a matter of balance, as if you have a limited quantity of love, and to give more to one person means giving less to another person. Rather, think of it as a matter of harmony, or perhaps synergy.

The love you have for your spouse can exist in harmony with the love that you have for God. Each love can strengthen the other love, because they are not really separate loves. You have one heart, and one love which is sufficient for God, spouse, child, neighbor, and all.
 
The celibate does not necessarily escape responsibility for souls… usually quite the opposite.

If you can live chastely with ease and pleasure for a long time, it’s a very good sign that you have the charism to live the celibate life. It would be bad to throw that away.
 
closer to God. Having such a close relationship with a spouse and sharing raising a family forces you to reckon with such abundant conflicts and struggles and joys you learn over time just how much you need God to keep the glue together that binds you to one another.
 
Does marriage take you away from God? I imagine it depends on your choice of spouse. A good spouse will bring out the best in you and lead you closer to God. My husband did that for me.

If you marry a spouse who leads you into sin, then it could take you away from God.

St. Paul was addressing a specific situation of religious vocations. He was not saying marriage was bad or distanced you from God. Jesus’ parents, the two greatest saints of the Church, were married.
 
There is nothing intrinsically unholy or ungodly about marriage.

While marriage to the wrong person or for the wrong reasons can lead someone away from God the opposite is also true; a good marriage can increase the faith and piety of both parties.
 
Walterross said:
I also am concerned that if I ever find someone to marry, I may end up idolizing this person.
Click to expand...
Far more likely that when you are mature enough to marry, you will learn why marriage is a means to heaven, as it does not take long to realize the imperfections (real or perceived) in your spouse.
Walterross said:
I feel like I’d slip onto the slope of loving my wife TOO much.
Click to expand...
Love is not an emotion. Love is a choice, and in marriage, the choice is to put their needs above your wants. And if you think that is easy, you are not ready for marriage.
Walterross said:
why on earth would I add more people in the world (who may lose their salvation)
Click to expand...
Do you always look a t the negative? Do you accept that they - spouse and children - have free will? Do you accept that you can be the guide which gets them on the road to heaven?
Walterross said:
So if there is a chance that they may go to hell (which there is), why would I even, so to speak, give birth to them?
Click to expand...
If you have to ask that question you are not ready for marriage.
Walterross said:
does your marriage bring you closer to, or further away from God?
Click to expand...
Neither marriage nor being single “brings me closer…etc” to God. My choices bring me closer to God, whether I am single or married. Both have their challenges, both have their crosses; it is up to me as to how I react to those crosses - as well as any blessings.
 
St. Paul also wrote:

“Don’t you wives realize that your husbands might be saved because of you? And don’t you husbands realize that your wives might be saved because of you?”

A faithful person following God in their vocation as spouse and parent can bring about a truly great glory for the Lord.
 
My husband always repeats what our priest told us when we first converted to Catholicism from evangelicalism 7-8 years ago: simply put, in marriage your purpose is to help each other get to heaven. I don’t know how much I’m helping my husband because I definitely think he is the better half (though I hope I do), but he is incredibly good to me and absolutely ‘helps’ me get to heaven every day. We have suffered through a lot together, with deaths and trials and my twenty year cancer battle, but it has solidified us and strengthened our family. I deeply love him, greatly respect him, have a lot of fun with him, still get excited to see him (he leaves work in twenty minutes, yay!), and want to spend all my time with him and our children (all early teens). There is not even the temptation of worship of him or anyone else. As a wife and mother, my husband and kids certainly require much of my time and attention–marriage and parenthood is not for the faint of heart and requires much giving of yourself and selflessness.

My relationship with God has deepened because of my marriage and in being a mother. The greatest commandments are to love God and love others. Being a spouse and parent gives you ample opportunities to love others and sacrifice yourself for the good of others.

My relationship with God permeates all I do, all my roles, every minute of every day. Needing to give constant attention to small children, for example, does not take one out of union with God–praying always and keeping the Word of God in the forefront of your mind keeps you connected with the Lord whilst you tend to your duties. My relationship to my husband and children are not in competition whatsoever with my relationship with God, just as I can be a good wife and a good mother simultaneously, because my husband and kids aren’t competing against each other for my love and devotion. Sometimes one person requires more attention at a particular moment in time, but on the balance I can be both a devoted wife and a devoted mother, which is all undergirded by being devoted to God.
 
God
Spouse
Family

Marriage is a sacrament. On your journey in this world you are called to bring your spouse and family to heaven and work together to help each other and kids for this purpose.
 
The Sacrament of marriage is a vehicle of grace. Don’t marry someone who will make your journey to heaven harder.

Idolize? After not many days living with your new spouse you realize they burp and have zits and do things that annoy you, residual idolization leaves fast
 
TheLittleLady said:
Idolize? After not many days living with your new spouse you realize they burp and have zits and do things that annoy you, residual idolization leaves fast
Click to expand...
Yeah. OP, I don’t mean to be rude, but the sorts of questions you ask typically come from people who have never been married and indeed never even been in a long-term relationship.
Typically the “idolization” stage wears off super quick. Like within 6 months of steady dating, let alone marriage.
 
The holiness of any vocation might depend on how many souls you save in your lifetime. I don’t think we can ever quantify this, but, we do have some controlling factors in this life with our limited awareness. If you help convert a person and that person becomes a priest who converts thousands this may gain you some elevation in the next life.
This could be exponential.
 
Last edited:
Marriage was created by God. And also, arguably, St Paul thought at the time that the end of the world was imminent, which would put a different perspective on things. Marriage is a vocation-and by partnering with someone that closely we find much out about our personal faults, like it or not, and are perhaps better challenged to improve, to practice love better than we might otherwise IOW. Marriage and children have certainly helped me in any case, to grow closer to God. Now, if you were to ask my wife about that…
 
Last edited:
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top