Does my catholic mother have the right to control my relationship and spiritual faith?

  • Thread starter Thread starter Daniellep95
  • Start date Start date
Status
Not open for further replies.
D

Daniellep95

Guest
Let me start off by saying that I am a very godly Christian woman and believe in carrying those beliefs and values into the foundation of my relationship. I was born and raised catholic and my boyfriend is an authentic Christian. We both constantly make our practicing our faith a priority and consistently make the effort to seek God in all that we do. However now I’m in a sticky situation because I live with my mother at the age of 23 because I am still going to college. I still have 1 year left. Anyways, I decided to go to a different Christian church one day and was completely open to checking out a new church and unexpectedly found myself to really love it. I love the messages I get almost every week, the people, and the authenticity of their work. I really feel like I’ve grown as a Christian and follower of Christ by going to this church. But my mother doesn’t believe it. She thinks I’m going to this church for my boyfriend to make him happy and she thinks I’m throwing away this gift I’ve been given of 23 years. I’ve been going to two churches just to make her and myself happy. But now she wants to keep me from going to this other Christian church because she thinks it’s wrong and it’s affecting my relationship which I really care about. What should I do?
 
Last edited:
Your mother can’t stop you from going to your church, and you’re under no obligation to stop going purely because she wants you to.

I can see why it’s an issue though, as you live with her. Is there any way you can move out? It’ll help you with going to the church you want, and there isn’t a way then she could conceivably stop you from going.

Is there any way you could talk to her calmly, and explain why you like the other church more? I know you’ve probably tried - are there any other ways you could explain?
 
Technically, since you turned 18 - adult - you have the personal responsibility to make your own decisions and live with the consequences both good and bad.

The 4th Commandment - Honor thy mother and father - is about Honor, not about obeying them when you are an adult and allowed to make your own decisions. You can find a way to ‘disagree’ while still honoring them.

Honor is a very important quality in life. If you were raised Catholic, then I presume you were Confirmed. You were old enough to make a decision to practice your Catholic Faith all your life. You agreed you would HONOR that commitment. Apparently this issue of what church to attend came up in the past few months - several years after turning 18 and nearly a decade after you committed to remaining Catholic even when that may take effort.

The term ‘authentic Christian’ is imprecise. A true follower of Christ believes ALL that Christ taught, not just the convenient parts, however sincere. How open is your boyfriend to learning about the Catholic Faith to become more authentic?

A major difference is believing in Holy Eucharist and Reconciliation. The 3rd Commandment - Keep Holy the Sabbath Day - requires us to attend Mass on all Sundays and Holy Days of Obligation. We should do this out of a sense of Love of Christ and not just a sense of forced duty. We made our personal commitment when we were Confirmed.

I believe your mother loves you very much and is trying to guide you correctly even if her approach is not what you want at this time. She is not controlling you but is strongly advising you to keep your Faith on solid ground.

In no way do I intend to criticize the good feelings you experience in attending your boyfriend’s church. But, the more you attend it, the greater you risk leaving the true Church.

My advice: Honor your commitment to Christ. Do not risk watering it down.
 
Last edited:
I was in the opposite situation: becoming Catholic over the objection of my Protestant family. I’m not going to tell you to go to another Christian church because the Catholic Church has the fullness of truth. Trust me, the emotional highs will come and go regardless of which church you are in. There will be times you will have to grit your teeth to go to this church as well because you just will not feel like it. In terms of authenticity, a lot of parishes have charismatic groups and social outreach ministries. Don’t leave. We want you here.

In terms of your relationship with your mother, try to be as obedient and loving as you possibly can. Make time for each other and do things together.
 
I guess I’m still trying to figure that out. I don’t suspect anything honestly. I know the basics of the Catholic Church. I’ve forgotten a lot of information mostly because I had trouble paying attention in school when I was younger. I’m curious as to how you know the Catholic Church specifically was founded by Christ? I thought the Bible just referenced a holy church? Wasn’t the Catholic Church organized by the Romans?
 
I’m in no way trying to water it down. I’m trying to live in the fullness of Christ. That’s my goal. However when I was confirmed, I agree that yes I made the decision to go through confirmation but only because I was put through the schooling. My mind was no where near ready to make that decision forever. That became evident once I reached high school and made bad some bad decisions. Then going into college that changed and I reconnected with my faith after going through a bad breakup. I don’t think God is going to judge me for wanting to go to another church. I really don’t and I intend to continue to be obedient and honor God with all my heart.
 
I’ve tried to talk to her. Our conversations go nowhere and we end up getting into aweful fights. I strongly dislike being talked down to. I plan on moving out by the end of the summer but I’m still trying to figure living arrangements out. I know things will be tight financially for a while as I’ll be trying to balance school and work.
 
Last edited:
I would recommend letting your mom know how you feel over a nice prepared home cooked meal. Only make sure it is served under a roof you are paying for and the food is yours and you are sharing it with her.

The reason for this is because as long as you are being supported in any way by your mom, she has a say in how you conduct yourself. This includes how she wants you to practice your faith. It doesn’t sound fair, because it isn’t fair. But there is a price to everything, and being your age and still being supported by your mom doesn’t come free.

If you have the kind of relationship where you and your mom can talk about anything without any hard feelings and she is a person who gives with no strings attached, then by all means disregard my advice. Your OP didn’t sound to me like that is the case, though.
 
It sounds like this is not about “church” but about you taking control of your life and flying from the nest. Yes, struggles happen when you accept gifts with strings. You also have an inner struggle of wanting to be independent but are letting fear and self-doubt control you. It almost sounds as if you are passing control of a parent into an uncommitted man in order to escape taking control of your own life.

Be patient with yourself. Be patient with your mother. Observe if this man is patient with you. Take a realistic look at where you want your life to be in one year. What can you sacrifice for this life? Can you look sacrifice clothes, makeup, transportation, time to get a job, or other things? This is how you make a transition from child-daughter to adult-daughter. Try not to burn bridges to make yourself feel justified to fly the nest. Rather, make a safe bridge to lead you into the future.
 
Daniellep95 said:
I guess I’m still trying to figure that out. I don’t suspect anything honestly. I know the basics of the Catholic Church. I’ve forgotten a lot of information mostly because I had trouble paying attention in school when I was younger. I’m curious as to how you know the Catholic Church specifically was founded by Christ? I thought the Bible just referenced a holy church? Wasn’t the Catholic Church organized by the Romans?
Click to expand...
The Catholic Church was founded by Christ on the apostle Peter, the first Bishop of Rome, known commonly as the Pope. The idea that the church was founded by the Romans is indicative of the alleged teaching you have received from those non Catholic denominations eager to paint the RCC in a false light.
As to your other questions, you are of legal age, you have the right to make decisions of life altering and changing situations on your own. Since you live with your parent(s) you have an obligation to honor her and to obey the rules of the house. But where you will practice your faith, who you will marry, what career you will choose, those are your decisions to make. A good parent understands. A parents job is to give a child roots and wings. Not to control their lives.
Shalom.
 
Follow your mother. She is right. Right now, you’re finding some enjoyable elements over at the other church. That’s understandable. Those other Christian churches have friendly people, a more social atmosphere, and better music by far. But the Catholic Church has the fullness of truth and the Holy Eucharist. When you go to the other churches it’s like being with your siblings, a lot of fun and people get up to mischief. But when you’re in the Catholic Church, you have your Heavenly Father, and of course things seem stricter.

That’s because the stakes are higher. We really do believe you need faith and good works to get into heaven. And it’s hard doing good works. It’s easy to say, “I accept Jesus as my personal saviour.” It’s quite another to really walk the Catholic walk, to go to Reconciliation. To reject artificial birth control, to honour the lives of the unborn, and to recognize the sin in the LGBT lifestyles that involve sex outside of marriage or the turning away from one’s God-given gender, and yet love the sinner.
 
Since you are emancipated from your mother legally, you have the right to go to church where you want.
At the same time she has no duty to support you or obligation to have you living in her place. You both can do what you want about the freedom of both of you.
 
Last edited:
Daniellep95 said:
I’m in no way trying to water it down. I’m trying to live in the fullness of Christ. That’s my goal. However when I was confirmed, I agree that yes I made the decision to go through confirmation but only because I was put through the schooling. My mind was no where near ready to make that decision forever.
Click to expand...
I fully understand that your understanding about age 14 can be different than what you think 10 years later. And I admire that you sincerely want to live the fullness of Christ.

If you will, here is a short list of what Christ Himself said. I hope you will read thoughtfully as you strive to continue to be obedient and honor God with all your heart:
  1. Peter’s Confession About Jesus.
    • Matthew Chapter 16: 13-19
  2. The Bread of Life Discourse.
    • John Chapter 6: 22- 71 Especially 53-58
  3. The Lord’s Supper
    • Matthew Chapter 26: .26-28
    • Luke Chapter 22: 19-20
    • Mark Chapter 14: 22-24
    • 1 Corinthians Chapter 11: 23-32
  4. Christ’s First Appearance to His Disciples after His Resurrection:
    • John Chapter 20: 21-23:
 
Daniellep95 said:
Let me start off by saying that I am a very godly Christian woman
Click to expand...
When I read that right off the bat, it struck me as lacking humility. We are all sinners. I may be wrong, you may be very humble.
Daniellep95 said:
But my mother doesn’t believe it.
Click to expand...
Your mother doesn’t believe you like it or had a pleasant experience there? Or doesn’t believe in that group’s non-Catholic teachings?
Daniellep95 said:
But now she wants to keep me from going to this other Christian church because she thinks it’s wrong and it’s affecting my relationship which I really care about. What should I do?
Click to expand...
You should question this church’s teaching and history. What do they believe?

I am a Catholic and have been to many Protestant church which have nice sermons, music etc. Some are very on fire for Christ, and it can all be very alluring. Learn to question the basics.

When was that church founded? Who founded it in actual real history? Was it a man or was it Christ? If they say Christ, how do they trace themselves back to Christ through the apostles? Likely it was founded within the last 100 years, 200-300 in rare circumstances. Christ never said build your own Church apart form the one He built.

What do they believe about the Bible? Do they believe that the Bible is the only authority? If so, kindly ask them to tell you where in the Bible it says that. (They won’t be able to). So you probably will then encounter your first inherent contradiction in Protestantism.

There are many more once you start digging. Have fun and be charitable!
 
Last edited:
Status
Not open for further replies.
Back
Top