Does the Church recognize every civil marriage?

[Hesychios]

Now being Catholic, I would like to be married in the eyes of the Church. I’m just a bit afraid as it means I can never walk away. I don’t mean to be selfish it just seems like a big step…

It is a big step, it is an awesome step. It is a lifelong commitment and we should enter into it with the knowledge that there is no turning back.

All of these emotions you feel are positive because they are indicative of your correct understanding of the marriage commitment. Any anxiety over such a commitment is normal I would say. (Except most people would feel the flutters before the 18 years!) If you have doubts about this commitment perhaps you should wait and sort out your feelings first. I believe that if you should choose to divorce the Petrine Privilige may be applicable here.

By all means, if you love truly your husband marry in the church if you can, try to impress upon him how important it is to you. I had a similar issue, I wanted to convalidate my marriage years ago but my ‘wife’ had soured on the church and couldn’t see the point to it, every little obstacle we encountered made her angrier and it never happened.

If you cannot get the marriage in front of a priest don’t worry, you are in the company of many great saints, like St Monica mother of Augustine, St Helena mother of Constantine…

 

[Texas_Roofer]

To explain further to Texas Roofer. I think what the Priest meant was I was not married in the eyes of the Church as I had never received it as a sacrament however, a legal marriage exist which is not the same as living in sin. When I was married I was not Catholic, did not want to marry in a Kingdom Hall and in any case, it is unlikely they would have let me and my husband is not religious as I said an didn’t want to marry in Churchso the only
wedding possible was a civil one. Now being Catholic, I would like to be married in the eyes of the Church. I’m just a bit afraid as it means I can never walk away. I don’t mean to be selfish it just seems like a big step, but if the Church recognises my marriage then I can’t divorce anyway. Does any of this make sense I may not be explaining it very well?

Here is the thing if two Non-Catholics are married the Catholic Church usually recognizes their marriage.

When two Catholics marry they are to marry in the church or get a dispensation.

When one Baptized Catholic* marries a non-Catholic they have to get a dispensation to have a Valid Catholic marriage. If they do not they are consider living in sin.

I do not even want to try to explain divorces.

So I do not see why the first section does not apply. Maybe the Priest heard something additional? You should always take these issues to the marriage ministry. You can simply call them and they well explain which scenario is correct for you.

Hope that helps

Catholic* even if not practicing

 

[minkymurph]

Yes, this does help. I think what the Priest was saying was that the Church did recognise the marriage but it was not a sacramental marriage. To be honest, I think and it’s only what I think, because I had just become a Catholic, he didn’t want to put any pressure on me. He never discussed marriage with me in any great detail, I approached him in relation to my marriage after I was accepted into the Church. He didn’t hear anything else but I never wanted to discuss marriage with him until after I had become a Catholic because I was afraid of what he might say, like you can’t become a Catholic unless you marry in Church or we think you are living in sin. He never suggested any of this it was just something I worried about. I had all sorts of worries when I wanted to become a Catholic and most of what I had heard about Catholisism was what the Jehovah’s Witnesses have to say about it! Hope this explains.

 

[axolotl]

If you’re both baptized it’s a sacrament, even if it’s only a civil marriage. Provided neither of was a Catholic at the time the marriage was contracted, and it was the first marriage for both of you.

If you were baptized after the marriage, it became a sacramental marriage with your baptism.

 

[minkymurph]

Thanks for the post axolotl. Can I ask, what is the connection between baptism and marriage? Could you explain further?

 

[Texas_Roofer]

FYI - proper baptism equals Christian.

 

[IAGladfelter]

What is convalidation? I’ve never heard of it. I’d like to ask a question in relation to my own marriage. Is this the right forum to do it or do I need to go somewhere else?

It is often called the “re-blessing” of a marriage. There is a process for this. You need to see a priest. There is another process which can only be performed by a bishop, called “radical sanation.”

Blessings,

• Irl Gladfelter (ALCC)

 

[Ruthie]

I think what the Priest was saying was that the Church did recognize the marriage but it was not a sacramental marriage.

That sounds right. Your marriage is valid according to the Church, but not sacramental. It’s easy to have your marriage become sacramental - aside, of course, from the problem of dragging your husband into the church building! Would he be willing to do it because it means so much to you?

Congratulations on your freedom from the JWs, and for swimming the Tiber!

Ruthie

 

[minkymurph]

I think what the Priest was saying was that the Church did recognize the marriage but it was not a sacramental marriage.

That sounds right. Your marriage is valid according to the Church, but not sacramental. It’s easy to have your marriage become sacramental - aside, of course, from the problem of dragging your husband into the church building! Would he be willing to do it because it means so much to you?

Congratulations on your freedom from the JWs, and for swimming the Tiber!

Ruthie

Yes, getting my husband into a Church would be difficult. However, when my children where three and one, he finally relented that they could be baptized just as long as he didn’t have to have anything to do with it. The day of the baptism was also my youngest son’s birthday so we had a small baptism/birthday celebration at the house. Just ourselves and the Godparents and my husband is very friendly with the guy who offered to be Godparent.

It was very kind of both him and his wife as his wife as he has lost a lot of his belief for a lot of understandable reasons and didn’t even know me. I was telling him one night that I would love to have my children baptised but as I had just become Catholic, I didn’t have anyone to ask. The one person I could have asked, my sponsor, said no. When I told him this he immediately volunteered and I didn’t even know him very well at the time. I know him a lot better now and his two boys are around the same age as my two boys. We all go to the respective birthday parties.

My husband didn’t go to the Church but he cooked the food and prepared for the party at home. My children both attended the Parish nursery and now they attend the Parish school, which my husband agreed to even in the face of fierce opposition from his parents. They really should know better however because if I know my husband, fierce opposition from his parents would only make him more determined to go against them! He has attended events at the school such as the school fete, and he thinks it’s a great school. He tells me all the time what a wise decision we made sending the boys to a Catholic school!

He also initially said he didn’t want me taking them to Mass. They not only go to Mass with me now but my husband asks if I’m taking them with me when I’m getting ready to go, although I think he likes the peace and quiet and the house to himself on a Sunday morning more than he’s concerned about their spirituality. God works in mysterious ways!

We have a close friend who is now disabled and stays with us sometimes. He would claim to be agnostic however he and I have had many deep, meaningful discussions. known this friend of my husbands all my life. We went to the same Primary school and he was with my husband the night I met him. I don’t think it’s so much religion so much as he enjoys intellegent debate, but I brought him a bottle of Holy water from Lourdes and he said he was really touched by it. It’s now prominently displayed on his mantlepiece and he lives in a staunchly Protestant part of Belfast! The last time he was here he said he might go to Lourdes with me the next time I go and if he did, I reckon my husband might come too. Perhaps there is a glimmer of hope here but my husband is a stubborn as a mule and if I give any indication I think there is a glimmer of hope, he digs his heels in!

Apologies for the long post but I did want to say all this.