Does this sound like marriage?

[JMKC]

This might sound like a strange question, but I’ve had myself worrying about something that happened years ago. When I was younger, I was dating a non-Catholic and, to make a long story short, I justified fornication by the claim of a friend that having sex is like marriage (or something to that effect). My worry began when I learned recently that spouses confer the sacrament of Matrimony upon each other, i.e. two people are married by giving their consent to each other (the Church requires this to be in the presence of witnesses and a priest or deacon). I can’t remember exactly what happened, but I worry about the way in which I explained my reasoning to my then girlfriend (that having sex was basically marriage [although this might not have happened as I am describing]) and that this may have constituted some kind of consent to each other. I worry that it might still have been considered marriage in some way despite not fulfilling the Church’s requirements and that my words and thoughts might have constituted consent. I’m sure this sounds as ridiculous as I think it does, but it’s hard to get the thoughts out of my head. I know that I didn’t consider us married in the legal or sacramental sense. I still considered us to be boyfriend and girlfriend. This was especially because I thought the sacrament was given by a priest and because we had not gone through any ceremony. I think it was mainly rationalizing my sin (i.e. suggesting that it was okay because we were in a sense married by intending to marry and giving ourselves in that way to each other). Anyways, if anyone could help demonstrate that I’m needlessly worrying it would be greatly appreciated.

God bless

 

[1ke]

If you often have such thoughts of an obsessive nature, please talk to your pastor about spiritual direction.

No, you did not contract a marriage with your girlfriend.

 

[Allegra]

No. That’s not a marriage contract. All you need is confession, if you haven’t done so already.

 

[Victor2211]

I would argue that there are 3 parties to a valid, sacramental marriage…the bride, the groom, and Jesus. Jesus would not have consented to what you described, therefore it’s not a marriage.

 

[Phil_Marinus]

Like everyone says… you were not and are not married for what you did…
Sometimes I think we all navel gaze to much about our actions…
The spirit is strong but the flesh is weak … God Knows what goes on in your thoughts…
Enjoy your life , and don’t worry to much about it…

 

[White_Orchid]

Marriage is when you both make Vows before the Lord & Rites with the Priest, Intercourse often considered the Consummating of those Vows- as to the 2 become 1 literally.

Intercourse before marriage within the Church & the Bible is called… in simplest terms- sin.
Even if it was done “in love.”

Reconciliation &/or confession will put you back in a right & forgiven relationship with the God and the Church. And will get rid of all the guilt you have been dealing with and draw you closer to Him.

I hope that you have not found this to be harsh. I do offer this in love but please understand that it does not do anyone any good to water down truth. Sin is Sin and the reason why so many young people suffer today is because no one wants to face the truth.

The Lord doesn’t tell us things to be mean but to protect us from the harsh realities of sin.