Does your local Parish forget about you?

[Sir_Hubert]

I’m a healthy 42-year-old devout catholic man, who was married for a very short time and am now single. (Annulment 18 years ago.) I do not feel a calling to the married life again, and due to my station in life, along with financial obligations, find myself unable to seek out a religious community for at least another 3 to 4 years, where I have felt a strong calling. Age will become an issue to consider at that time. (I have done a fair amount of research over the last 15 years about this.)

My question is, has anyone else been in a similar situation, only to feel “outcast” from your local Parish/Diocese? The churches that surround me have wonderful programs/meetings for every stage of your life … except single by choice. Classes for expectant mothers, retreats for dads, “Life Teen” for kids, retreats for those considering the priesthood, singles outings for those looking for a mate, counseling for the separated/divorced/ widowed or those with “same sex attraction”, “young at heart” for the retired folks, and last year we started “Family Faith Formation” to help families work together towards educating their kids and themselves. Even the annual Parish Picnic is geared towards “Families only”. (Minimum ticket purchase is 2) I asked my local Pastor if any programs that existed for those who felt they were not called to married life or the religious life. He mentioned none that he was aware of.

I have had a very difficult time finding any spiritual guidance from the local priests to help me along my journey. I find myself depending on such things as the internet (solid catholic sites), EWTN, and of course the teachings of Our Holy Father and the Church. I’m am very thankful that my parents were very orthodox in my upbringing, and find myself turning to my family frequently when I seek out solid catholic discussion.

Am I alone?

In His Peace!

 

[Deacon_Tony560]

Father Corapi has some great advice for those that feel like you. He tells his classes that if they don’t have a particular program…start one. We have an adult discussion group that meets one night a month to discuss varied faith topics. You might also consider a secular order. For instance the Secular Franciscans accept single and married folks and even parish priests.

God bless you for your effort to enhance your spiritual life,
Deacon Tony SFO

 

[krazykatlady]

It does seem as though certain groups fall through the cracks in many parishes. My parish has a young adult group, a singles group, a senior citizens group, a business person’s group. There are couple’s retreats, mother- daughter, father-son retreats. I’m not in a situation where I qualify for any of these. I’m married but my husband is an atheist. So I find most of my spiritual fellowship on the internet on orthodox Catholic sites. Actually, I have learned more from these sites than I ever learned from any of the parishes I belonged to.
For just plain old fun and fellowship I sing in the choir, and I might eventually join a lay order.

 

[stellina]

Deacon Tony has a great idea. As a single (never married) woman careening toward middle age, I also feel forgotten sometimes. I think it depends on your parish: in the city where I live, there really is no attention paid to singles who no longer fit into the “young adult” category, but I have friends who live in other parts of the country where things are very different, i.e. special retreats, all sorts of classes, & even social events. If the parish or diocese isn’t made aware of a need, then they won’t respond to it even if it’s only because they have so much else to cover. So maybe we should be starting something ourselves - especially if there really are so many of us around!

 

[dhgray]

Sir_Hubert:

I’m a healthy 42-year-old devout catholic man, who was married for a very short time and am now single. (Annulment 18 years ago.) I do not feel a calling to the married life again, and due to my station in life, along with financial obligations, find myself unable to seek out a religious community for at least another 3 to 4 years, where I have felt a strong calling. Age will become an issue to consider at that time. (I have done a fair amount of research over the last 15 years about this.)

My question is, has anyone else been in a similar situation, only to feel “outcast” from your local Parish/Diocese? The churches that surround me have wonderful programs/meetings for every stage of your life … except single by choice. Classes for expectant mothers, retreats for dads, “Life Teen” for kids, retreats for those considering the priesthood, singles outings for those looking for a mate, counseling for the separated/divorced/ widowed or those with “same sex attraction”, “young at heart” for the retired folks, and last year we started “Family Faith Formation” to help families work together towards educating their kids and themselves. Even the annual Parish Picnic is geared towards “Families only”. (Minimum ticket purchase is 2) I asked my local Pastor if any programs that existed for those who felt they were not called to married life or the religious life. He mentioned none that he was aware of.

I have had a very difficult time finding any spiritual guidance from the local priests to help me along my journey. I find myself depending on such things as the internet (solid catholic sites), EWTN, and of course the teachings of Our Holy Father and the Church. I’m am very thankful that my parents were very orthodox in my upbringing, and find myself turning to my family frequently when I seek out solid catholic discussion.

Am I alone?

In His Peace!

My Dear Brother,
Because you are in NY, please call:
** Dodong & Suzette Awing
** (718)381-5611
dongzete@aol.com
and ask the same question. They will have an answer for you

 

[dhgray]

stellina:

Deacon Tony has a great idea. As a single (never married) woman careening toward middle age, I also feel forgotten sometimes. I think it depends on your parish: in the city where I live, there really is no attention paid to singles who no longer fit into the “young adult” category, but I have friends who live in other parts of the country where things are very different, i.e. special retreats, all sorts of classes, & even social events. If the parish or diocese isn’t made aware of a need, then they won’t respond to it even if it’s only because they have so much else to cover. So maybe we should be starting something ourselves - especially if there really are so many of us around!

Stellina, there is a ministry for you called CFC Handmaids of the Lord (HOLD). The HOLD is a ministry of Couples for Christ for single women (specifically single parents, separated, or divorced women, unmarried mature singles), for married women (whose husbands are working abroad, physically incapacitated or not at the moment interested in any religious affiliation) and finally, for widows.

The male counterpart is called the Servants of the Lord (SOLD).

If you would like more information, please contact me and let me know what part of the country/world you are in

 

[Paul_W]

I have heard this complaint in various parishes, but I never understood it. I think it’s an internal issue, a matter of perception rather than reality.

I’m 47 and never married, but that doesn’t keep me from being an Extraordinary Minister of Holy Communion, member of the Pastoral Council, member of the Finance Committee, member of the Building Committee (when we needed one), CCD teacher, assistant at the Christmas Bazaar, Summer Carnival, Parish Picnic, etc. I also do volunteer work at an orphange outside the parish, near where I work, and have been a mentor to several boys who were residents there.

I’ve never felt that I was excluded from a parish activity because of my single state, and in fact, I now feel that I was called to be single, so that I would have the time to be involved in so many ministries at the same time.

 

[Paul_W]

After re-reading the posts, I also wonder if part of the problem is the Me Generation.

What is my parish doing for me, as a single person? What is my parish doing for me as a widower? What is my parish doing for me as a new mother? As a teenager? As a senior citizen? As a divorcee?

I’ve always looked at it from the JFK perspective: what can I do for my parish, and how can my particular state enhance the time and talents I have to offer?