dolls at mass

[Mommyof02green]

Hi,we are new Catholics and we are in trouble again ! Last time we didnt pay the priest for baptisims This time our 5year old brought her doll to mass.The 5year old and my wife were scolded by the priest.I guess dolls are not allowed.Nobody else had heard about this rule before.After the priest complained about not geting paid we tried to pay him but he was offended and wouldnt take any.I know we are in the right church but it shure isnt easy.

Well, this priest would NOT have been happy with my children yesterday. My 6 year old son had a stuff frog with him and my 5 year old daughter had a stuff elephant with her. After Mass our deacon and priest thanked the kids for bringing their animals. Our priest asked the children “If the animals were good and did they listen?”

This reminds me of a story from when my Dad was a young kid.
My dad was born in 1952 and when he was a small child, around my children current age, he brought to Mass with him a stuff bear.

One day at Mass Father during his homily said something along the lines “Gladly the cross I bare”. My Dad’s stuff bear happened to be crossed-eyed. My Dad in his young age, again he as around the age of 5, thought the priest was talking about his stuff bear. Therefore from that day on my Dad named this stuff bear “Gladly the crossed-eye bear”.

That was one homily that stuck with my Dad all through his life. It made an impression on him at such and early age. Why did it make an impression? It made an impression because he had his stuff bear with him that just happened to be crossed-eyed. So he thought the priest was talking about his stuff bear.

Of course as Dad grew older he realized what the priest really said “Gladly the cross I bare.” Dad hung on to those words through out his life.

He was always telling us that we should “Gladly take up our crosses”. I like to think that Dad hung unto those words the last 4 years of his life when he was unable to walk, talk, write or eat on his own. Dad suffered much his last years with us. I think somewhere deep down he was telling himself to “Gladly take up this cross”.

Words that he got and held on to just because he happened to have a stuff crossed-eyed bear with him at Mass one day when he was a young boy, at least that is what I’ve been told.

I remember Dad sharing several times before he passed.
I remember Grandma sharing several times before she passed.

 

[Johny5]

Yes, you are very perceptive, there is an underlying “situation” which is way too long and complicated to get into now. What we basically needed to know was if there was a rule against dolls in Church, because we are so new to Catholicism.

 

[mommyof4]

A 5 year old should be participating at Mass, not playing with dolls.

Ok. We’ll put you in charge of them, then!

 

[Margita]

No, no such rule exists, don’t worry. And personally, if it makes church a more attractive, home-like place for your child that she can have a doll with her, I would definitely allow it.
Some priests, as others here have posted, even encourage it.

 

[SMHW]

There is some difference between what is expected of a two-years old and a five-years old.
That said, not all five-year old kids are prepared to give up dolls or soft toys and pay attention to the Mass.

I agree.

There is a PRETTY WIDE range of maturity levels amongs five year olds. And maturity is not just a matter of being able to pay attention. There’s also the issues of birth order, being around people, and being away from home. There is often a huge difference between an individual child who just turned five and that same child closer to age six. If having her doll helps such a child make it through Mass and she can hold it quietly then she should have it.

As far as the priest is concerned, I like the idea of sending the money to some religious order (or perhaps some diocesan fund) and sending a note to the parish to let them know.

 

[Margita]

Okay, time for my confession: I took a stuffed animal to bed with me until I was 13… (not to mass, of course )
And people think I am not very childlike in my behavior, so it didn’t prevent me from maturing or anything. Some kids (and older people) just need dolls and soft toys more than others. The touch, the smell, the security of physical contact :hug1: :console: - it helps personal development to have these things when there is a need for them. And it is emotionally detrimental for a child to be told that his/her dear little doll stands between him/her and Mass! How could this be, since he/she and the toy are not as separate as an adult would think!!

So yes, I like soft toys and …:blushing: hm, well, that’s it…

 

[Brian_C]

There aren’t any easy answers. Leaflet Missal actual sells a kit for kids which includes a Jesus doll, a small rosary chaplet, and coloring book. Five IS getting up in years but…

Our church has a cry room. We only used it, though, when we didn’t take advantage of the nursery offered. I’m not thrilled with either option but have been trying in vain to keep my kids quiet. My four year old is very smart and understands a lot about what is going on and why she should be quiet. But, when her two year old sister is acting up, she will either make a scene of TELLING us her sister is acting up or just join in herself.

That being said, from your recounting of events, the priest did sound a little too aloof and should not have refused your gift on the ground that his feelings were hurt. As others have said, you aren’t OBLIGATED to pay and HE should be the one to pass the money on to another worthy cause if he doesn’t want to accept it after the fact.

 

[Sr_Sally]

Yes, you are very perceptive, there is an underlying “situation” which is way too long and complicated to get into now. What we basically needed to know was if there was a rule against dolls in Church, because we are so new to Catholicism.

In remote Northern Alberta I bet there aren’t too many parishes for you to go church-hopping too. Probably best for you to humble yourself and try to make peace with this priest. If he is not truly harming you morally or physically, I really hope you are able to ‘turn the other cheek’.

Praying for you!

 

[DiZent]

A 5 year old should be participating at Mass, not playing with dolls.

I often take my 5 yr old grandson to Mass. He likes action figures & super heroes, and hot wheels cars. I have let him take these, but find them to be more of a distraction than a help. What seems to work best is a coloring sheet - I get them from Catholicmom.com. He notices when the priest talks about what was on his coloring sheet.

 

[wifenmommy]

I would disagree.

My two year old sometimes brings her stuffed doll with her. She uses the oppurtinity to teach the doll how to behave at Mass For example, she will have the doll ‘bless’ herself, or kneel at the correct times.

Needless to say, this both prepares her for motherhood AND reinforces the rubrics to the two year old herself.

…I was pertaining my opinion to a 5 year old. I never said children should never bring a doll to mass…geesh. There is a big difference between a 2 yo and a 5 yo. It is not unreasonable to expect a 5 yo to try to make it through mass w/out a toy and maybe try to follow (to an extent) in an appropriate kid’s mass book. There is even a weekly booklet for kids (you purchase a subscription) called Magnifikid. Personally, I stopped the toy bringing at around 3 1/2. That was just dh and I personal decision. Dd did fine without it. All kids are different and may need a “lovey” in mass especially if this (going to Mass) is a new experience for her. Dd’s little behind has been in mass since she was a week old… , so she had better know how to behave in mass. Dh and I kinda “upped” the expectation of better behavior (ie no wiggling) since she has made her First Communion.

 

[OutinChgoburbs]

I would disagree.

My two year old sometimes brings her stuffed doll with her. She uses the oppurtinity to teach the doll how to behave at Mass For example, she will have the doll ‘bless’ herself, or kneel at the correct times.

Needless to say, this both prepares her for motherhood AND reinforces the rubrics to the two year old herself.

Not only do I agree with you, Brendan, but so would Maria Montessori and Jean Piaget. Just because somebody else’s child can concentrate on Mass at 6 (a rare feat, as I attend a certain Mass once a week with not one, not two, but twenty-seven 5 and 6 year olds). It depends on the child. A doll is one of the oldest and best learning tools available, for boys and girls (although boys tend to be hard on dolls- and things ).

 

[kage_ar]

Imagine this goes deeper… as long as your Priest is not advising you to do something immoral, you are obliged to obey.

That being said, in order for a Priest to notice a child with a toy during mass, the toy or child must’ve been somehow attention-getting. There is a difference between a small cloth doll that is held or gently played with during Mass (teaching the doll to kneel or pray) and a big hard or noise making doll that is banged or tossed about making a disturbance during Mass.

My advice, get to the heart of the problem with your Pastor. Make peace with him, and get your child a rosary or prayer book to hold during Mass.

 

[Mommyof02green]

Imagine this goes deeper… as long as your Priest is not advising you to do something immoral, you are obliged to obey.

That being said, in order for a Priest to notice a child with a toy during mass, the toy or child must’ve been somehow attention-getting. There is a difference between a small cloth doll that is held or gently played with during Mass (teaching the doll to kneel or pray) and a big hard or noise making doll that is banged or tossed about making a disturbance during Mass.

My advice, get to the heart of the problem with your Pastor. Make peace with him, and get your child a rosary or prayer book to hold during Mass.

I don’t know why really but I got the impression that this took placed AFTER mass. Which means Father may have noticed the stuff toy while they were out the door. (That is if he was greeting the people after Mass)

So its possible that he didn’t noticed during Mass…

 

[saramichelle6]

Even though I was raised protestant, I was taught to sit still in church. I wasn’t allowed to have toys or books or anything. Although I have no children of my own yet, and I know kids will be kids, I’m thankful that my parents disciplined me to sit quietly through church. If I was being disruptive, I was taken home. Period. It was the same with other outings. I wasn’t allowed to bring books or dolls into a restaurant or a play or anything. I feel that children need to know when to be quiet and respect what their parents tell them to do. Of course there will always be the people who say “lighten up” or “don’t you let your kids have any fun?” but those are the people who sometimes can’t control their children. (I mean control in the nicest, most loving way. Discipline may be a better word)

 

[Mommyof02green]

Even though I was raised protestant, I was taught to sit still in church. I wasn’t allowed to have toys or books or anything. Although I have no children of my own yet, and I know kids will be kids, I’m thankful that my parents disciplined me to sit quietly through church. If I was being disruptive, I was taken home. Period. It was the same with other outings. I wasn’t allowed to bring books or dolls into a restaurant or a play or anything. I feel that children need to know when to be quiet and respect what their parents tell them to do. Of course there will always be the people who say “lighten up” or “don’t you let your kids have any fun?” but those are the people who sometimes can’t control their children. (I mean control in the nicest, most loving way. Discipline may be a better word)

Just because a child has a doll with them does not mean they were not sitting still…Well I mean not following along.

My kids were standing when I stood, sat when I sat, kneeled when I kneeled, singing when I singed, etc.

My kids also had a stuff animal with them…

 

[TraderTif]

I think I actually brought the occasional stuffed animal to church with me until I was almost 10.

Mind you, I wasn’t “playing” with it at that age. I just wanted it near me. Being an extremely shy/somewhat anxious, only child, in a parish with almost no other children, I sometimes found church a somewhat…intimidating…place. And I think my parents figured that it would be worse for them to try to take it away from me. (Which probably would have made going to church a bad experience, instead of the fantastic one it should be!)

Around the time I made my first confession, my mom explained that I had to pay attention at Mass now. No more playing with toys. She let me bring a stuffie, as long as I just held it or sat it in the pew next to me. No bringing it up to communion, of course. And the priest always made a special point of saying hi to me AND my stuffie as we left.

I think it depends on the child, and what they’re doing with their toys. Even when I was 3 or 4, I was never allowed to bang my toys, wave them around, make noise, or do anything else that would be distracting. And I was certainly encouraged to pay attention to the mass. (Indeed, I remember teaching my favorite stuffie, a large stuffed insect, all about what was happening, lol)
Tif

 

[jkatpc]

I think the doll might have been a little bit of security for your daughter. Maybe she didn’t have much exposure to church in the past (?), and certainly not to the Mass. If this is the case, maybe you can put the doll in a baby carrier so the child cannot play with it, but knows it’s there.

BTW, I love the idea of inviting your priest over for dinner. I’m a Knight (Knights of Columbus), and our annual Chaplain’s Appreciation Night (we live in a military town) is a big hit–lots of home cooked meals.