Don't be fearful of Confession

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Dear friends

Another one of those meditations that I thought you good folks might like to cast your eye at and have a read at.
** DON’T BE FEARFUL OF CONFESSION
By the late Father Kilian McGowan, C.P. Used with permission, from the Passionist Priests, to help spiritually guide the layman.

Previously we treated of the necessity of having a right attitude towards that tribunal of mercy we call Confession. Perhaps it might be well to repeat here that if the Sacrament of Penance made God appear as an exacting tyrant, it would be out of place in Christ’s “Gospel of Mercy.” It appears as such only to the poorly instructed or the unreasonably fearful.

Here, we consider some of the more common fears concerning this sacrament. Some of them may seem rather insignificant to our readers, but they loom large indeed in the minds of others. These fears may plague the souls of even the more intelligent and well-instructed.

Many people are afraid of what the priest will think of them after they have relieved their consciences of their burden of guilt. Let us remind these that they have the freedom of going to any priest they select. They go in secret and the confessional is dark. The priest rarely recognizes them or their voices. All he really thinks is that another sincere and humble penitent has come in contact with the merciful Heart of our Blessed Savior.

Surprisingly, some stay away from confession because they feel they have too little to confess, just as others do because they have too much. These should know that the priest is neither shocked by grave sins, nor disappointed when there are none to mention. Even though your confession may sound like a broken record, you may avail yourselves of the many graces of this sacrament.

There are those who are afraid that the priest will not understand their particular problem – especially if it involves some shameful sin. This is complimentary neither to the priest’s training nor experience. The confessor is not only trained in theology and the laws of God; he is also well aware of every weakness of the human heart. He is trained to be kindly and understanding, and shortly becomes skilled in handling every possible case.

Some are fearful for the simple reason that their last good confession was much too long ago, and their sins are much too numerous. Let these be reassured that every priest shares the joy of Christ who said that there is more joy in heaven over one sinner doing penance than over ninety-nine who have no need of it. Don’t be afraid to challenge His patience and compassion. He’ll appreciate the opportunity to reconcile you to your God.

Even if you hardly know where to start, just enter the confessional and start talking. You should examine your conscience and stir up your sorrow, of course. But if you get confused, don’t let it scare you away from this Sacrament of mercy and relief… just go into the confessional and ask for help. That’s what the priest is there for.

Occasionally, we find those who are afraid of taking too much time – perhaps those in line will think that they are big sinners. Well, the amount of time in the confessional is never a gauge of the amount of sins confessed. Perhaps the confessor may be encouraging the penitent to lead an even more generous life, or explaining means of growing in the love of God.

What should be done for those who constantly worry about their confessions? These must remember that confession was never intended to be a straining, worrying affair. All theologians teach that only a sincere effort is needed for a good confession, not a super-effort. God doesn’t want us to scour our consciences like an overwashed floor.

Our Lord considers it very uncomplimentary to His Mercy to put any human limits upon a mercy that knows no limits.

Probably the most common complaint is that many feel as though they haven’t made a good confession. They say that they don’t experience any perceptible feeling of relief. We remind these that this is a question of faith, and not of feeling. We go to confession to have our sins forgiven, to expose ourselves to the mercy of Christ, to receive the sacramental graces, and not to feel good! If you have done your best, you have received all of these spiritual benefits, regardless of your feelings.

Once again, Confession is an encounter with the merciful and compassionate Savior, through His representative, the priest. Let us be careful not to make a bugbear of what He intends to be a balm!**
God Bless you and much love and peace to you

Teresa
 
Confession is scary! Full stop!

I don’t like the idea of going into a small dark room with only myself and the priest all alone… (ok now trust me you don’t want to know what is going through my mind at the moment! well I take my mobile/cell phone for saftey reasons although the possibility is highly unlikely thank god!)

What if you suffer from Claustraphobia Not liking small spaces?

my confessional in my local church is not dark at all in fact its rather a bright little room, there is only one exit! thank goodness the confessor is closest to the exit! (I feel tempted to make a bolt for it half way through confession sometimes! 😃

**
Many people are afraid of what the priest will think of them after they have relieved their consciences of their burden of guilt. Let us remind these that they have the freedom of going to any priest they select. They go in secret and the confessional is dark. The priest rarely recognizes them or their voices. All he really thinks is that another sincere and humble penitent has come in contact with the merciful Heart of our Blessed Savior.
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not my priest! and i’ll repeat the confessional room ain’t dark!
And also my priest can reconise me anyday! scary**

I have a phobia of confessional! 😦 I don’t want to sin because I don’t want to go to confession!

Evanescence (I think my priest hates me)
 
Evanescence you don’t need to go to your priest. Our priest told the RCIA group that if we were uncomfortable with confessing to him we could go to a number of other parishes in the area. It is anonymous and frankly there isn’t anything you could say to a priest he hasn’t heard a zillion times before. We all think our sins are so novel or so particularly loathesome but trust me we are in good company!

I must say I didn’t look forward to this at all, it WAS scary to think about but believe me it was such a burden lifted when it was over. You might find that once you get over your initial reluctance it will be a very positive experience for you.
Lisa N
 
evanascence, you have an excuse, not a reason to avoid confession. find another priest of you don’t like this one, make an appointment, tell him about your claustrophobia, he will gladly hear your confession elsewhere. sorry, bud, you will have to find another excuse, this one won’t wash.
 
Lisa N:
Evanescence you don’t need to go to your priest. Our priest told the RCIA group that if we were uncomfortable with confessing to him we could go to a number of other parishes in the area. It is anonymous and frankly there isn’t anything you could say to a priest he hasn’t heard a zillion times before. We all think our sins are so novel or so particularly loathesome but trust me we are in good company!
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It’s definitely true that none of our sins are really new to the priest. I once heard a priest talk about how he doesn’t really like hearing confessions. He went on to explain that he dislikes it because it’s boring, because there are only a few ‘flavors’ of sinfulness. He said that what is really exciting to him is to see growth in holiness, and that he tries to look for that when he hears confessions. This priest does make time to hear confessions, so I know he doesn’t try to aviod it, but I thought it was funny that he described it as boring–not the first word that comes to mind for me.
 
Grace and Glory:
It’s definitely true that none of our sins are really new to the priest. I once heard a priest talk about how he doesn’t really like hearing confessions. He went on to explain that he dislikes it because it’s boring, because there are only a few ‘flavors’ of sinfulness. He said that what is really exciting to him is to see growth in holiness, and that he tries to look for that when he hears confessions. This priest does make time to hear confessions, so I know he doesn’t try to aviod it, but I thought it was funny that he described it as boring–not the first word that comes to mind for me.
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Most sin is painfully tedious, ordinary (sickeningly ordinary), dreary. Hearing confessions can be a tremendous burden for priests – particularly when people fail to appreciate that the whole point of it is that key “growth in holiness” – or at least growth in humility!
 
Its not the sins I confess that makes me think he dislikes me its the strange twisted expression on his face everytime I see him…

I can’t stand confession! I’m a very shy timid person I need a list everytime I go otherwise I forget all my sins on the spot! also in my confessional its not like a typical confessional with the screen and stuff. Its just a small room with two seats! no hiding behing a screen or anything!

Evanescence
 
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Evanescence:
Its not the sins I confess that makes me think he dislikes me its the strange twisted expression on his face everytime I see him…

I can’t stand confession! I’m a very shy timid person I need a list everytime I go otherwise I forget all my sins on the spot! also in my confessional its not like a typical confessional with the screen and stuff. Its just a small room with two seats! no hiding behing a screen or anything!

Evanescence
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Dear friend

I can understand your fear. The hard part is actually going into the confessional and spilling your guts to the Priest. I always get nervous before confession, my head goes light, my knees weak and my palms sweat. I sit outside in the pew praying and praying asking the Holy Spirit to help me to make a good confession and for courage in the confessional. I go in and feel almost led through it all and full of courage I make my confession, the words just seem to come out of my mouth and sometimes I don’t know how I said the words but they come and it is only by the help of the Holy Spirit who knows what my heart is trying to say, He makes sense of it all and helps me to speak the words. Christ’s peace is immediately upon me after absolution. Confession is the most wonderful sacrament.

However you should feel comfortable with the Priest you confess to. You should not be confessing to a Priest you feel has a personal issue with you, whether he actually does or not. You must feel comfortable and able to approach your Priest. So if this Priest is not the guy for the job for you, then go and find another Priest to confess to. But above all, go to confession.

God Bless you and much love and peace to you

Teresa
 
"Some are fearful for the simple reason that their last good confession was much too long ago, and their sins are much too numerous. Let these be reassured that every priest shares the joy of Christ who said that there is more joy in heaven over one sinner doing penance than over ninety-nine who have no need of it. Don’t be afraid to challenge His patience and compassion. He’ll appreciate the opportunity to reconcile you to your God."

Springbreeze,

These are good words, and I know they are true, and I know I need to heed them one of these days. But still, I am too stupid to take my own advice, and still too fearful. I cannot even define what it is I’m afraid of. It is not like Evanescence says, of being afraid of the priest. I have no fear of the priests in my parish–they are good people, for sure. It is more of what you quoted here–it has been too long, and the sins are too many, and they include being away from the Church and even from God for a good long time. And even though I am well on the way to getting myself back to where I belong, I can’t see having the courage to tell this stuff to a priest, or anyone else, for that matter, except on the internet. But I know that I need to, one of these days, and I even get what this quotation is saying, that the priest would probably be glad when I do. But I just can’t get through the fear and do it. It doesn’t help any that I don’t even know what to do, or say, in a confessional anymore, although I know that if I asked the priest for help he would give it. And it doesn’t help that in my church, when I am there for Saturday night Mass a bit early, and during the times that are put in the bulletin as “confession times”, there are no lights on to indicate that there is a priest in the confession booth. Yes, I could call for an appointment…but, no, I won’t…can’t…whatever. Okay, won’t. I have looked at some websites from other churches in my area, and have found a few in which their confession times are right before the Saturday night Mass, and thought that I might go early to one of those Masses, and check to see if “the lights are on, and anybody’s home” and then proceed from there. But I haven’t, yet.

I don’t even get what is so scary to me about this. The priest won’t bite me. The priest, in all likelihood, won’t hate me, and even if he did, so what? The priest is not God, and I do think I know that God won’t hate me. Maybe it is more that I think I will hate myself, for what I would have to say, but my intellect tells me that I should hate myself less for being honest in the confessional. Maybe my emotions tell me differently…I don’t know.

It was interesting to me that, last Sunday, the priest did talk about the scripture reading in which Christ said to his disciples, don’t be afraid. And the priest reiterated this several times, and he finally said that Christ told them “Cut it out! There is nothing to be afraid of!” And I laughed at that, knowing that what I really need to tell myself is “Cut out your stupidity!”

On a funny aside, after this nice retired priest who says Mass for us had been up at the altar preparing for communion for several minutes already, he started laughing out loud, and said “'Excuse me, but the rectory dog is under the altar”. And then he pulled out a small gray dog, and handed it off to one of the communion servers, and said “I don’t think he’s been baptized yet”, and went back to what he was doing. Hardly a scarey man, there.

So what is so scarey?
 
Dear friend

Every rationale that you are giving is the movement of the Holy Spirit in you reassuring you that there is nothing to be afraid of.

When I was a child and I was naughty, I knew what I was doing for the most part was naughty, but still I went ahead and did it and although I felt a bit mischievous and giddy about what I was doing as a child, I had in the pit of my stomach fear of getting found out and most of all fear of my father telling me off and punishing me. I always got found out because I wasn’t a great liar and I always got told off. I knew what was coming and I knew I was in real hot water! My dad would rage at me , tell me off, give me a punishment and then miraculously, he’d seem to just forget it. Talk to me normally and be my friend as he’d always been. I couldn’t understand that at the time.

Now I realise that because my father loved me (he died some years back) that when I was a child and naughty, that for my own good he would tell me off, give me reasons and advice about why what I did was wrong and as soon as I had said sorry and done my punishment, it was all forgotten and we continued on as normal. My father had forgiven me before he even found out what I’d been up to, he told me off because he loved me and he forgave and forgot because he loved me.

Now I see that same thing within the relationship with my daughter and I. She’s a hopeless lair also! I find out her antics and she freely admits them to me, I tell her off, give her my reasons and advice and ask her not to do it again, she sometimes gets a punishment like sitting at the bottom of the stairs alone to think about her ‘crime’ and then it is forgotten and is always immediately forgiven. I know this is similar to how God the Father is with his children, only infinitely more loving and infinitely perfect. Human love reflects Divine Love. I see the fear in my daughter’s face, why is she afraid? Not because I will meter out an awful punishment, not because I am a scary parent, not because I will relentlessly drive on and on about her ‘crime’. She is afraid because ultimately she desires to please me and is horror stricken because she knows she hasn’t pleased me and has done the wrong thing. She’d rather I had never found out about her ‘crime’, she’d rather run and hide her face from me than admit it all to me, she’d rather just brush over it and ignore it had ever happened. I, as a parent cannot allow any of those things to happen for her own good. I am pleased as a parent to find out these things and help my daughter with them, so that she will not do the same thing again and learn it is not good for her nor for other people around her and it is not how God desires we live for our own good, the good of all souls and for the sake of God’s good name. Then I always hold her and tell her I love her and that I tell her off because I love her, I tell her to forget about it all now and not do that same thing again and that everything is alright, we are together and everythign is alright.

So it all is the same with your Heavenly Father.

Why is confession scary? You desire to please God and you haven’t, we all haven’t, we all sin. You fear God, that is Holy to do so, but you cannot fear God so much that you feel forced to stay distant from Him. You must only fear offending Him, that is all. You must not fear Him. God loves you so much, beyond anything you can imagine, even the closest human love is a faint reflection of His love for you. God the Father is pleased when any soul comes through that confessional door and like the naughty child admits their sins, the He rejoices, He is full of joy, His child is home! Then He goes absolutley crazy with joy to help you, He lavishes forgiveness on you that He desired to give you all along, then He can bless you abundantly with graces, then He forgets that sin was ever committed, then He says , ‘Come on, let’s go on together as normal, it’s alright, don’t leave Me again My child’

Even though it is sometimes scary, we must get past the fear and not be afraid, I know I have had to do that and it is not easy. But who said things were going to be easy? Fear is good for us, it can make us act, we can become so tired of being afraid we burst out in courage.

Don’t be afraid, burst out of your fear and act even though you may still have in the pit of your stomach a knot of fear, make that fear act for you, pray for courage to the Holy Spirit.

The Peace of Christ lavished on us and the coming home to God is so over bearing in the face of any fear we may have that the struggle of going into the confessional and the whipping down of our pride to spill our guts and confess is a minimal agony.

I will say a prayer for you and you say one for me, that we may always have the courage to burst out of our fear and go into the confessional and admit like children before our Father, that we have not pleased Him, we have sinned, we are sorry and we are willing to please Him if He will grant us the graces to do that and that we desire to live in His love and friendship and know that He infinitely desires our love and friendship and to grant His love and friendship to us eternally.

Don’t be afraid, He seeks you, He wants to be with you and you with Him, to be together.

God Bless you and much love and peace to you

Teresa
 
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Bootoo:
On a funny aside, after this nice retired priest who says Mass for us had been up at the altar preparing for communion for several minutes already, he started laughing out loud, and said “'Excuse me, but the rectory dog is under the altar”. And then he pulled out a small gray dog, and handed it off to one of the communion servers, and said “I don’t think he’s been baptized yet”, and went back to what he was doing. Hardly a scarey man, there.
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Dear friend

That’s a lovely story. 😃

He sounds a lovely Priest. Go and see him, see this Priest for confession.

He loves the dog, he will also love you.

God Bless you and much love and peace to you

Teresa
 
I was able to solve the 'scary" problem by going to confession for the first time in many years to one of the priests at a conference. I knew he would not know me, I’d probably never be around him again, and taking a little longer wouldn’t matter to the people in line because there were other priests available. If they thought I was straightening out my life as a serial killer, so what? Someone did look at me a litte quizzically when I finally came out, but by then it just seemed funny. The priest was so patient and kind, even tho I had forgotten how to go to confession, and even what I was going to say. He just asked questions and all I had to say was yes or no. I am so happy I went, even tho it took a long time to work up to it.
 
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