Don't know how much longer I can do this

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Mr_Lonely

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I once heard that when you pray because you want to pray, that’s when you seek God’s comfort, but when you pray even though you don’t feel like it, you comfort God…

For me, I’ve been doing a lot of the latter lately, and I’m starting to wonder, “what’s the point anymore?”. I used to be very active in Church until I was betrayed and back stabbed by the spiritual community I was part of. I haven’t really said this to anyone, but it’s still hurts. At one point or another, I have been betrayed by everyone that I have held dear to me. At one point, it felt like I was only Catholic because I needed to believe that hell exists for those who betrayed me.

Now…I’m starting to feel numb inside. Indifferent yet conflicted. I don’t want to feel this way, but I’m tired…physically, emotionally, mentally tired. Is God really there for me? I see Him there for others, but for me…I don’t know anymore. I suppose it could be worse, but I don’t know how much longer I can live from that perspective before the pain and indifference takes over.

I’m trying to put things in perspective to try and find that light, that spark of hope, before I stop looking. I don’t know…Anyone else feel this way?
 
It seems to me that you’re carrying around bitterness. Have you tried to forgive those who have offended you? Believe me, it’s good for you as well as for them. It seems harsh to hope for hell for the people who have betrayed you. Remember Jesus was betrayed by St Peter but he didn’t turn his back on Peter. And from the cross he asked for forgiveness for us because we knew not what we were doing. Jesus also told Peter that we must forgive not seven but seventy seven times.
The Lord’s Prayer - ‘Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.’

A lack of forgiveness breeds bitterness. You must remember that people are weak and we do make mistakes sometimes. We must try to forgive them as we hope to be forgiven.

I think it would be helpful for you to talk about this with your Priest as you need guidance, and he can bless you.

Edit: I realise what I’ve written seems cold and not addressing the issues. Loneliness is caused by isolating yourself from people. These people who have betrayed you may not realise the error of their ways, have you tried to talk with them about it? Confession is good for the soul. Feeling this anger, depression and bitterness is not good for you, but they are all likely caused from the same issues. Confess the negative feelings and discuss with the Priest a way out of these problems. I’m sure he’ll give you plenty of good advice.

Edit2: I think that bitterness is linked to Pride. Putting ourselves before others in some way. Perhaps this might be something you may want to give some consideration to. I’ll pray you find your answers.
 
sudy said:
It seems to me that you’re carrying around bitterness. Have you tried to forgive those who have offended you? Believe me, it’s good for you as well as for them. It seems harsh to hope for hell for the people who have betrayed you. Remember Jesus was betrayed by St Peter but he didn’t turn his back on Peter. And from the cross he asked for forgiveness for us because we knew not what we were doing. Jesus also told Peter that we must forgive not seven but seventy seven times.
The Lord’s Prayer - ‘Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.’

A lack of forgiveness breeds bitterness. You must remember that people are weak and we do make mistakes sometimes. We must try to forgive them as we hope to be forgiven.

I think it would be helpful for you to talk about this with your Priest as you need guidance, and he can bless you.

Edit: I realise what I’ve written seems cold and not addressing the issues. Loneliness is caused by isolating yourself from people. These people who have betrayed you may not realise the error of their ways, have you tried to talk with them about it? Confession is good for the soul. Feeling this anger, depression and bitterness is not good for you, but they are all likely caused from the same issues. Confess the negative feelings and discuss with the Priest a way out of these problems. I’m sure he’ll give you plenty of good advice.

Edit2: I think that bitterness is linked to Pride. Putting ourselves before others in some way. Perhaps this might be something you may want to give some consideration to. I’ll pray you find your answers.
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I’ve tried (or trying) forgiving them…and it’s been a very hard process. Believe me, as God is my witness, I’ve tried…I love God, yet the perception is I was betrayed by His people. Hate/indifference in the name of God…never thought I would experience that.

Bitterness = Pride…you could be right.

Thanks for the reply by the way.
 
Mr_Lonely said:
I once heard that when you pray because you want to pray, that’s when you seek God’s comfort, but when you pray even though you don’t feel like it, you comfort God…

For me, I’ve been doing a lot of the latter lately, and I’m starting to wonder, “what’s the point anymore?”. I used to be very active in Church until I was betrayed and back stabbed by the spiritual community I was part of. I haven’t really said this to anyone, but it’s still hurts. At one point or another, I have been betrayed by everyone that I have held dear to me. At one point, it felt like I was only Catholic because I needed to believe that hell exists for those who betrayed me.

Now…I’m starting to feel numb inside. Indifferent yet conflicted. I don’t want to feel this way, but I’m tired…physically, emotionally, mentally tired. Is God really there for me? I see Him there for others, but for me…I don’t know anymore. I suppose it could be worse, but I don’t know how much longer I can live from that perspective before the pain and indifference takes over.

I’m trying to put things in perspective to try and find that light, that spark of hope, before I stop looking. I don’t know…Anyone else feel this way?
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I don’t know the details, and please do not take my comments here as negative in any way (my only goal is to offer a different approach), but it seems that if everyone in your life has betrayed you in some way, then perhaps the key to putting things into perspective is by letting go of your own perspective.

People are generally decent, and don’t consider themselves evil, nor do they plot to be evil. Armed with this notion, try to understand the perspective of those whom you feel betrayed by. Try to put yourself in their shoes, assume that they believe they are doing the right thing (whether they actually are or not isn’t the point), and start trying to form an argument that supports their side of the story. Once you can understand the how and why behind the actions of others, you can begin to forgive them.

Even if what they did was deliberately hurtful to you, you must realize that they have their own perspective about it all. Once you can understand their perspective, you will find the ability to forgive. And there is where the root of your problem is: Forgiveness. You’ll never feel better until you are able to forgive those that have hurt you. It may sound paradoxical, or even unfair, but trust me. Give it a shot.
 
Mr_Lonely said:
I’ve tried (or trying) forgiving them…and it’s been a very hard process. Believe me, as God is my witness, I’ve tried…I love God, yet the perception is I was betrayed by His people. Hate/indifference in the name of God…never thought I would experience that.

Bitterness = Pride…you could be right.

Thanks for the reply by the way.
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I understand the pain of feeling like you’ve been betrayed. One perspective I’ve worked on is that the Church led by Christ has not betrayed anyone. People within the church who are only human made mistakes and sinned against a person. I know it is not the most helpful thing, but distinguishing between the two has always helped me. I may be discouraged or disheartened by someone within the church. However, celebrating mass and receiving the Eucharist (when able to) has always encouraged and strengthened my faith. Even when I don’t have the feeling of close community within the Church, going to mass and receiving the sacraments helps bring me closer to God which often in of itself is a tremendous blessing and grace.

Hope some of this helps you somehow.
 
My advice is about prayer, we pray b/c God wants
us to. He wants our hearts not just our prayers,
similarly we should seek not only the gifts but
the Giver of all good things!!
 
People will disappoint us. There is no way around that fact. It then becomes our responsibility to deal with the disappointment. Please do not allow those that have betrayed you to continue to have power over your thoughts or your emotions. Letting go of bitterness and anger, while extremely difficult at times, is one of the most spiritual liberating experiences one can have.
As for your feelings of God not being there for you. I suggest you read some of the personal letters written by Mother Teresa in: Come Be My Light. I have also felt distant from God. Wondering if God really hears me when I pray. Her writings are similar in that she felt this way, as well. She wrote:
"“In my soul I feel just that terrible pain of loss,” she wrote in 1959, “of God not wanting me — of God not being God — of God not existing.”
She understood the pain you are experiencing and I found her writings very helpful.

Please do not cease your prayer time. I will pray for you, as well. I know God hears us, even when we don’t think so. Peace be with you.
 
Mr_Lonely said:
I’ve tried (or trying) forgiving them…and it’s been a very hard process. Believe me, as God is my witness, I’ve tried…I love God, yet the perception is I was betrayed by His people. Hate/indifference in the name of God…never thought I would experience that.

Bitterness = Pride…you could be right.

Thanks for the reply by the way.
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When the people hurt you, they weren’t acting in a Christ-like way.

When you forgive others you don’t have to “feel” the forgiveness emotionally.

You want them to know the love of God in a deeper way and accept His grace to become a more loving person. You do not have to be a doormat.

We need to be “wise as a serpent, and gentle as a dove.” I know that is in scripture, but don’t have the time right now to look it up; you probably recognize the verse.

In the Sacraments we have powerful encounters with our Lord Jesus Christ. Do not leave Christ in the Sacraments because others have hurt you!
 
I have had a hard time forgiving those who are repeat betrayers. Holding on to those grudges hurts you. The person you are holding it against may not even know you are holding a grudge. I think one can forgive without forgetting. It is very hard to forgive, IMO. Sometimes, IMO, forgiveness means that whatever that person did was okay.

The other side of it is that do we want others to hold grudges against ourselves? The answer for me is no. I try as much as possible to live by The Golden Rule. Sometimes it can be hard when it comes to situations such as these.

I agree with the others that it is Christ-like to forgive, even though it is very hard to do sometimes.

Now I need to go and live out my own advice. 😉
 
My parish has three churches; I am the head sacristan of one. It’s been an enormous blessing; overall, I’m very happy. For a variety of reasons I won’t go into, a certain sizable segment of the parish community regularly stabs me in the back. Yet I’m still here. I stay, and I take the mistreatment…because I am here to serve God and His Church.

Before serving in this parish, I had never been active in any other. Stepping up to the plate seemed like a natural progression and I thought my responsibilities would deepen my faith. It has, but with that came a lot of suffering I never expected. So yeah, I can relate.

Four things.

As others have said, you shouldn’t let what happened to you rule your thoughts and feelings. You are only hurting yourself when you do this. When I’m treated poorly or unfairly, I aim to assume the best of the person and the reasons behind their actions. I try to forgive immediately. Note that this goes against my nature 😊 and is very hard for me to do, but I can’t be at peace unless I do it.

Next, don’t let the actions of people estrange you from God. He is always with you. If you prayed regularly before something happened to alienate you, keep praying anyway. When we find ourselves in a state of spiritual desolation, the last thing we should do is change our good habits.

Great spiritual growth sometimes comes through our trials and tribulations. I have learned more about trusting God from the bad things that have happened to me (I’m speaking about events both in the contest of my parish service as well as dissociated from it) than from the good. The Lord has a benevolent purpose in mind when he allows us to endure hardship. We may never know in this life what that benevolent purpose is, but we don’t have to. I realize this is a difficult concept to embrace, and I struggle with it often. It’s easier to have faith when life is calm and pleasant. The real challenge is nurturing that faith when everything seems upside down.

Finally, be sure to get adequate rest. Fatigue has a tendency to amplify our experiences, particularly the negative ones, and we run the risk of giving these events more importance than they should have. Don’t let your mind go into overdrive thinking about how you’ve been wronged. We can’t heal while we’re stewing.

Suggested reading: Searching for and Maintaining Peace: A Small Treatise on Peace of Heart by Fr. Jacques Philippe

You are in my prayers. :gopray2: Hang in there, and God bless!
 
Sounds like you are having some tough trials. Give yourself a pat on the back!

“These things I have spoken to you, so that in Me you may have peace. In the world you have tribulation, but take courage; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
 
Pray, hope, and don’t worry. God is there and he hears and loves you. Just remember Earth is a battleground and our true home is Heaven. God bless you.
 
Being hurt by others (and patiently suffering) is a fundamental of being Catholic and of picking up our crosses and following Christ.

Please don’t ignore that reality by giving in to desire for comfort. God will give you the graces you need in order to manfully struggle not only against yourself, but against all of the crosses God gives you in order to atone for past sins, to grow in sanctity, and to make reparation in an evil and corrupt generation.
 
Mr_Lonely said:
I once heard that when you pray because you want to pray, that’s when you seek God’s comfort, but when you pray even though you don’t feel like it, you comfort God…

For me, I’ve been doing a lot of the latter lately, and I’m starting to wonder, “what’s the point anymore?”. I used to be very active in Church until I was betrayed and back stabbed by the spiritual community I was part of. I haven’t really said this to anyone, but it’s still hurts. At one point or another, I have been betrayed by everyone that I have held dear to me. At one point, it felt like I was only Catholic because I needed to believe that hell exists for those who betrayed me.

Now…I’m starting to feel numb inside. Indifferent yet conflicted. I don’t want to feel this way, but I’m tired…physically, emotionally, mentally tired. Is God really there for me? I see Him there for others, but for me…I don’t know anymore. I suppose it could be worse, but I don’t know how much longer I can live from that perspective before the pain and indifference takes over.

I’m trying to put things in perspective to try and find that light, that spark of hope, before I stop looking. I don’t know…Anyone else feel this way?
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Hello sir, There are some helpful posts there above, I hope they help. I was gonna say that there are a lot of people who sometimes believe in GO_D but at the same time forget how Big he is and dis-acknowledge he is right there with you now, able too hear, see and definitely understand you, " That`s how big he is ".

" I also read in the bible many years ago " How difficult it is too find go_ d ". Christianity is not a game, hope I didnt patronize, he has too put up with a lot you know `.

__________________________________________ : )
 
Thanks everyone for your replies and words of encouragement. It helps. 🙂

God bless!

OP ----> Hits restart button on life and moves on “Hello God…can we talk?”
 
Mr_Lonely said:
I once heard that when you pray because you want to pray, that’s when you seek God’s comfort, but when you pray even though you don’t feel like it, you comfort God…

For me, I’ve been doing a lot of the latter lately, and I’m starting to wonder, “what’s the point anymore?”. I used to be very active in Church until I was betrayed and back stabbed by the spiritual community I was part of. I haven’t really said this to anyone, but it’s still hurts. At one point or another, I have been betrayed by everyone that I have held dear to me. At one point, it felt like I was only Catholic because I needed to believe that hell exists for those who betrayed me.

Now…I’m starting to feel numb inside. Indifferent yet conflicted. I don’t want to feel this way, but I’m tired…physically, emotionally, mentally tired. Is God really there for me? I see Him there for others, but for me…I don’t know anymore. I suppose it could be worse, but I don’t know how much longer I can live from that perspective before the pain and indifference takes over.

I’m trying to put things in perspective to try and find that light, that spark of hope, before I stop looking. I don’t know…Anyone else feel this way?
Click to expand...
Sometimes practical steps need to be taken. When i was severely depressed earlier this year a change of scenery helped. Small trips. Take time away from your parish if the people are hurting you. Maybe do some service projects outside the parish.
I hope you find joy again. It will come. God does love us.
 
Go see a priest and ask him for some counseling recommendations. Finding a good Catholic counselor who can help you work through your feelings and provide you with a plan to help you find contentment with your life would be very beneficial.

God Bless and I’m praying for you.
 
In my reading, I recently remember St Alphonsus Liguori saying, when talking about gossip & attacks on our honor & reputation, to say to oneself (paraphrased): “That is what they say about me, but imagine what they would be saying if they knew everything!”, and he is here referring to every dark thought we might have ever entertained while in the heat of passion or anger. It’s a little reflection that I find very helpful, and maybe you’ll find it helpful too.
 
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