Don't know what to do about Confession

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TheAmazingGrace

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I used to hit up the confessional fairly often (though not regularly), but it’s been about 17 months since the last time I went. I’ve committed plenty of mortal sins in the interim, and I am sorry for them, but I’ve also been struggling with some of the Church’s positions on gender and sexuality, and I haven’t come across any arguments that were persuasive enough to fully convince me of their validity. Because of this, I don’t feel comfortable seeking out absolution and receiving Communion, so I’m at a loss. I’ve been living in South Korea for a few months on a work visa, and I have yet to find a confessor.
 
Are your mortal sins related to your struggles with the Church’s positions on gender and sexuality?
In other words, did you go against a teaching of the Church in these areas and commit a mortal sin?
Or are your mortal sins in some other area (it would seem like they are, because you are sorry for them)?

If you are truly sorry for your mortal sins, then the fact that you have some disagreement with the Church in an area totally unrelated to your sins shouldn’t keep you from Confession. I have areas where I’m not totally on board with things the Church says or does or that certain members of said Church say or do. I think most people have such areas to be honest. However, since I don’t commit sins in these areas, it’s an intellectual issue that I simply pray over and ask God to lead both me and the Church to the right mindset.

It’s dangerous to let disagreement with the Church on an issue unrelated to your sin keep you from confessing your sin. If you haven’t been to confession in 17 months, and think you have committed mortal sins, you’re in violation of the Canon law provision 989 requiring you to confess your grave sins once per year.

As for not finding a confessor, do you go to Mass in South Korea? If so, there’s a priest there, and presumably confessions at a particular time that you could go to, unless perhaps there is a language barrier.
 
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Tis_Bearself said:
Are your mortal sins related to your struggles with the Church’s positions on gender and sexuality?

In other words, did you go against a teaching of the Church in these areas and commit a mortal sin?

Or are your mortal sins in some other area (it would seem like they are, because you are sorry for them)?
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Not really. I’m cis-het and celibate, but I’ve adopted kind of a “live and let live” attitude with regard to things like gay marriage, premarital sex, and transgenderism.
Tis_Bearself said:
As for not finding a confessor, do you go to Mass in South Korea?
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I’ve been to Myeongdong Cathedral a few times, but the English Mass is at 9am, and it takes over an hour to get there. I’ve tried to get in touch with a church that’s closer to where I am, but I’m having a hard time finding directions, and they won’t answer the phone.
 
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With respect to things like gay marriage, premarital sex, and transgenderism, once again if you’re not actually doing any of these things, the proper response as I see it is to just pray for the people involved and ask Jesus to help all of them to become closer to him in whatever way He wishes. Pray for the Church too and ask Jesus to please help it to respond in the best, most Christ-like way possible.

We are all human. That means that any one of us might be off track in our beliefs, whether the “one of us” is you, me, or a guy in the Magisterium. The Church has struggled with many, many issues over the centuries (many of which seem relatively minor to us today, but were a huge deal at the time) and eventually come out in a reasonable place through God’s guidance.

The danger, like I said, is in using this big unrelated stuff going on in the Church as an excuse to permit we ourselves to fall into unrelated sin and get farther away from Jesus instead of closer to Him.

If I were you I would find out when the English language confessions were at the Cathedral and make a point of going there to Confession (even if I had to take a day off or something) and then try not to commit any more mortal sins so I could go longer between Confessions if they weren’t readily available.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
We are all human. That means that any one of us might be off track in our beliefs, whether the “one of us” is you, me, or a guy in the Magisterium. The Church has struggled with many, many issues over the centuries (many of which seem relatively minor to us today, but were a huge deal at the time) and eventually come out in a reasonable place through God’s guidance.
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This helps a lot. Thank you.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
However, since I don’t commit sins in these areas, it’s an intellectual issue that I simply pray over and ask God to lead both me and the Church to the right mindset.
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This has been my approach as well. I recognize that it’s not possible for many of us to simply force ourselves to understand certain things. But we can obey and refrain from saying what might lead others astray. There is no sin in not doing what we are not able to do.

As far as confession - it is permissible to do so via an interpreter, if available, or there are apps for your phone that will read out a rough translation in korean. Basically any method where you can make yourself roughly understood.

It is possible to be given absolution if the priest is unable to understand you, but that’s generally only allowed if it’s not possible to use another solution (and you still have to do a proper confession when you can).
 
DarkLight said:
As far as confession - it is permissible to do so via an interpreter, if available, or there are apps for your phone that will read out a rough translation in korean. Basically any method where you can make yourself roughly understood.

It is possible to be given absolution if the priest is unable to understand you, but that’s generally only allowed if it’s not possible to use another solution (and you still have to do a proper confession when you can).
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I CAN go to an English Confession if I manage my time well. My issue is whether it would be disingenuous to do so because of my disagreements with Church doctrine.
 
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TheAmazingGrace said:
I CAN go to an English Confession if I organize my time well. My issue is whether it would be disingenuous to do so because of my disagreements with Church doctrine.
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So long as you are neither breaking the law of the Church nor teaching others to do so, it is not.
 
DarkLight said:
So long as you are neither breaking the law of the Church nor teaching others to do so, it is not.
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Does publicly expressing my disagreement count as “teaching others to do so?” Because I’ve done that, both here and elsewhere.
 
TheAmazingGrace said:
Does publicly expressing my disagreement count as “teaching others to do so?” Because I’ve done that, both here and elsewhere.
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Depends on how “public”. Are you being Martin Luther and starting a schismatic group? Are you telling other people it’s okay to sin and they can just ignore what the Church says? If you are doing those things then that’s bad.

If you’re just saying, “I have an issue with the Church’s position on X because it seems to me Jesus would really want us to do Y”, then you’re not doing anything different than many priests or theologians who express views on subjects. For that matter, you’re not doing anything different than the many people who post here or otherwise announce that they are having a serious problem with what the Pope said in Amoris Laetitia, or 50 other things the Pope said.
 
Tis_Bearself said:
If you’re just saying, “I have an issue with the Church’s position on X because it seems to me Jesus would really want us to do Y”, then you’re not doing anything different than many priests or theologians who express views on subjects
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Closer to this, I’d say.
 
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It’s pride.

You think you’re right. You think you have better criteria and ideas about these matters…and maybe now other matters too? : >

This is how people leave the Church. Pride. Higher opinion of our own beliefs.

The devil doesn’t care what separates you from the Sacraments…pride is a good one, vanity works too, and love of comfort is always a good one as well.

And they all operate on the decision to distance ourselves from the Sacraments, especially the more humiliating aspects of Confession.

Confession is an act of the will, of returning to the truth, reconciling our intellect, our will, and our body and appetites to the will of God.

And it hurts, humliation is required to grow in the virtue of humility.

And the virtue of “humility” is the “opposing virtue” to the disposition and sin of pride.

Work on humility, by doing acts that require a little bit of humiliation…picking up trash not your own in a parking lot, in a church pew, or examining your own sins of pride AND THEN show your love…your desire for humility and right ordering of your relationship with God, by preparing well for Sacramental Confession, and then going, and going “well” (no stories, no excuses, no buts…no self-justifications or reasons).

Hurts. will be a great day.
 
Edward_H said:
It’s pride.

You think you’re right. You think you have better criteria and ideas about these matters…and maybe now other matters too? : >

This is how people leave the Church. Pride. Higher opinion of our own beliefs.

The devil doesn’t care what separates you from the Sacraments…pride is a good one, vanity works too, and love of comfort is always a good one as well.

And they all operate on the decision to distance ourselves from the Sacraments, especially the more humiliating aspects of Confession.

Confession is an act of the will, of returning to the truth, reconciling our intellect, our will, and our body and appetites to the will of God.

And it hurts, humliation is required to grow in the virtue of humility.

And the virtue of “humility” is the “opposing virtue” to the disposition and sin of pride.

Work on humility, by doing acts that require a little bit of humiliation…picking up trash not your own in a parking lot, in a church pew, or examining your own sins of pride AND THEN show your love…your desire for humility and right ordering of your relationship with God, by preparing well for Sacramental Confession, and then going, and going “well” (no stories, no excuses, no buts…no self-justifications or reasons).

Hurts. will be a great day.
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This really didn’t help. You’re putting words in my mouth, and randomly ascribing personality traits to me that I’ve never expressed. I’m perfectly willing to “humiliate” myself by going to Confession, but I don’t want to do so insincerely.
 
TheAmazingGrace said:
Does publicly expressing my disagreement count as “teaching others to do so?” Because I’ve done that, both here and elsewhere.
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This is more going to be things like, telling people “it’s ok to do this”, or “the Church is ok with this” or something like that.

And frankly if we all waited to be sure of things to go to confession I don’t think half of us would ever go.
 
Pride isn’t a personality trait.

It exists within every one of us.

Believe me. Reflecting on pride - searching for it sincerely and savagely with God - will be very very helpful, particularly in this case.
 
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Oh, it will work. God definitely knows that pride exists in our motives…in what we do and what we don’t do, and in the reasons we tell our intellect to construct to justify our actions/inactions.

And God wants to help us “get pride out of the way” to be closer to us.

No doubt about it. You can count on it.

Here are some starting considerations.
COMMON MANIFESTATIONS OF PRIDE

too high an opinion of myself
annoyance with those who contradict me, brooking no contradictions
anger if I don’t get my way or am not taken into account
easily judgmental, putting others down, gossiping about them
slow to recognize my own mistakes, or to see when I hurt others, and inability to seek and give forgiveness
rage when others don’t thank me for favors
unwillingness to serve, rebellion against what I don’t like
impatience, distance, brusqueness in my daily contact with others
thinking I am the only one who knows how to do things right, unwillingness to let others help
inflated idea of my own intelligence and understanding, dismissing what I do not understand or what others see differently
not feeling a need for God, even though I do say prayers
nursing grudges, even in small matters
never taking orders
inflexible in preferences
always putting myself and my things first, indifference towards others and their needs, never putting myself out for them
centering everything (conversation, choices…) on myself and my likes
calculating in my relations with God and with others

COMMON MANIFESTATIONS OF VANITY

always seeking admiration and praise, worrying about not getting it
excessive concern about physical appearance
being guided by the opinions of others rather than principle (this is sometimes called “human respect”)
some types of shyness
sacrificing principles in order to fit in
placing too much a premium on popularity and acceptance
easily discouraged at my failures
taking pleasure in listening to gossip and hearing about others’ failures
always wanting to be the center of attention, at times stretching the truth, or lying outright, or being uncharitable in my words in order to achieve this

COMMON MANIFESTATIONS OF SENSUALITY

laziness
always the most comfortable, what requires least effort
not going the extra mile for others
procrastination, last-minute in everything
shoddiness, complaining, excessively affected by minor discomforts
inability to sacrifice
not doing my part at home
expecting everyone else to serve me always
behavior and decisions ruled by my feelings and moods instead of my principles
daydreaming a lot with self at center
unable to control my thoughts when they attract me, even if they are not good
doing only what I enjoy (choice of food, work, etc)
uncontrolled and overpowering curiosity, wanting to see and experience everything and every pleasure
my senses and impulses overrule what I know is right and wrong
acting out my feelings (frustrations, desires…) with no regard for my conscience, God or others
only working with those I like, being easily hurt
fickleness and inconstancy
can never finish what I start
Fr. John Bartunek
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Actually your points above are a case study buttressing and adding to the list from Father B.
 
Edward_H said:
Oh, it will work.
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Except it hasn’t. This list isn’t relevant to my concerns. I haven’t talked about struggling with most of these things in my posts, so you shouldn’t assume that they apply to me.
 
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