Don't know what to do or say

[thekneader7]

Our youngest daughter was married, not in the church, 9 years ago. She was pregnant with our beautiful intelligent granddaughter at the time. Last year she seperated from her husband. At first it seemed to be a good choice for her, she seemed happier, lost a lot of weight etc. Now we are not so sure. She was going out or having get parties at her home. Then she met someone.

She has shared custody with her husband (divorce papers have not been filed yet). There have been times on her week with her daughter that she has left her with her sister so she can go out partying with her boyfriend or without saying anything taken off while my granddaughter was staying overnight for a large city 300 miles away from home.

The boyfriend does not know how to interact with a child and has said some hurtful things to my granddaughter. My daughter has not spoken to him about this or spoken up for her daughter.

A few weeks ago, we found out that the boyfriend has moved in. We were so upset we were ready to support our son-in-law if he chose to request full custody.

Today, unknown to our daughter, we found out that she had seen a doctor for a pregnancy test and then for a prenatal visit. We found this out because she is still on our son-in-law’s insurance and he got the insurance statement stating such.

I’m afraid this guy is just a user. Our daughter does have a good paying job. He is a student with a parttime job for the college.

What should we do when she tells us she is pregnant?

 

[strngrnrth]

Wow. I know what I’d want to say. I don’t know if it would be right though.
Maybe something like, we wish you the best and we’ll pray for your health, and call if you need anyhting?

 

[Trishie]

My heart and prayers go out to you.

May God protect the children and ensure that what is in their best interests is followed. May the Holy Spirit influence your daughter to choices that lead to their welfare and happiness.

I don’t know what you can say, except not much. Your daughter knows somewhere in her mind what is right. If there is already a child there is nothing to be done, except to welcome the baby for his/her sake. Your grandchildren need your stability and love, and you wouldn’t wish to jeopardise your relationship with them. If there is too little conscience to prevent using your son-in-law’s insurance for another man’s child, then you may need to be careful not to precipitate any rift for the children’s sake. If the boyfriend is unkind to your grandchild, and your daughter careless of your granddaughter, then they may have no scruples about blocking your relationship with his child. Maybe you can say something very simple outlining the issue as you see it, although that can be risky, if just, but quietly and in a kind of detached way if at all possible. It might be unwise to convey much of the emotion you feel, as emotion hooks emotion and that can spiral…though I know nothing of your relationship with your daughter
You daughter is an adult who is making her own choices…and it is so painful to be a parent when such as these things are happening.

I will keep you and your family in my prayers and Masses.

Trishie

 

[royal_archer]

Sorry to hear about this situation and the potential news. If the news is what you are affraid it is, this will also effect your granddaughter, have you thought about what you would say to her to help her know she is loved and will continue to be loved with a new half sibling?