Dr. Phil Knows Parenting?

[Zooey]

Dr. Phil is a PhD social psychologist. He is not an expert in developmental psychology, though he probably took some undergraduate and graduate courses in this area, as do most psychologists. He’s not a researcher, and I have no idea if he keeps up with the latest journal articles on parenting or any other topic in psychology. Most of his advice on television is based on common sense with a sprinkling of psychological theory and research. His aversion toward the “militaristic” family may be due to the negative features of the so-called authoritarian parenting style. There is even a book, “The Authoritarian Personality,” written by Adorno and published in 1950, which discusses the negative effects of authoritarian parenting on children. Parents who instill an authoritarian personality in their children do so by means of strict discipline and frequent, inconsistent, and often physical punishment, without the accompaniment of love and warmth; and the children develop intolerance of weakness in themselves and others and respect only for strong authority figures. They also lack cognitive complexity and prefer to see the world in terms of black and white without any shades of gray. Authoritarian parenting is differentiated from what many developmental psychologists believe is the optimal parenting style: authoritative parenting, in which parents set the rules and provide structure for their children, but are also open to discussion and some compromise. Equally dangerous are styles of parenting that involve excessive permissiveness, especially when parents are mainly uninvolved with their children’s lives.

This.
There have been several true tragedies in the news lately, about parents who have gone to such extremes in authoriatarianism that they have ended with children in hospital with severe injuries, even killed in some cases. Most of these people were probably intending to avoid permissiveness, & slipped over the edge because they don’t, as you point out so well here, see any shades of grey. (Which they probably learned from equally authoritarian parents themselves).
The last thing we need in this world is more extremism of either permissiveness, or of authoritarianism. Kids need to be allowed to be kids. Turning them into little robots is not going to help them do anything except need to rebel.
What ever happened to common sense???

 

[TravisDover]

Thank you for posting this. Very sobering.

From what I’ve seen, parents who raise their children in a strict, authoritarian atmosphere tend to lose their kids once the kids are old enough to “escape.” Do you have any statistics supporting what you’ve “seen”? ]

Sad, but true. I suppose I will have to take your word for it??

It’s especially true in strict fundamentalist Christian homes (What is a strict fundamentalist Christian home? One where parents are practicing Catholics maybe?)–so many of these kids leave home and go hog-wild, indulging in all the sins they can cram in (I would still like to see some facts here, other than what is seen on television shows and movies). They have no self-control because they have always relied on their parents’ control, not their own.

But as you say, the highly-permissive home is dangerous, too. (You aren’t going to go into detail with this one as you did the "fundamental Christian homes? I’ll give you one detail, over 70% of prison inmates come from broken homes; i.e. permissive)

There’s a happy medium, a child-rearing approach that is both firm and loving (I agree). Dr. James Dobson describes this method beautifully in his many books, especially Dare to Discipline. I highly recommend his books and his methods. They worked for us.

 

[Monica4316]

I feel sorry for the little boy and since this story is everywhere and a book was written, the show, etc, how will he grow up knowing his life was advertised like that, when he was a kid? And dressing him in dresses it doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to be a boy, if he just happens to like pretty sparkly things. He’s a child!

One problem I have with these shows also is that they make entertainment out of people’s problems.