E
Eirinn
Guest
I recently joined the Church through RCIA. I believe that I do all that I am supposed to do - I pray with vigour daily, attend Mass daily, read the Bible and do my best to raise my child with in the Church. My RCIA experience was uplifting and lifechanging to say the least. The problem I have is that every step forward I take is a battle. I feel absolutely bombarded with thoughts, emotions and images(some good, some not so good). The worst however is the dreams. They absolutley haunt me and rob me of rest, and make me physically ill.
When I made the decision to join the Church, it was a dream that lead there. After watching Mel Gibson’s The Passion and seeing the portrayal of the 4th station of the cross(Jesus meeting his mother), the image of Mary crying with the look of, I don’t even know words to describe it, utter grief(?) it has been burned into my mind. I see her crying with that same look on her face in my dreams. At first, I didn’t know what to make of the dreams, then my Uncle(a deacon) suggested that maybe Mary was crying for me. It was at that moment I decided to join the Church. All through RCIA, I had the dream, thinking that when I joined the church at Easter, these dreams would stop. Instead of stopping they have completely completely taken over my sleep.
The Mary dream is disturbing, I don’t know why she is crying and I don’t know how to make it stop. There are other dreams as well. All are in different settings (although most start in a church and end in a cemetry) but revolve around the same theme - fear. There is some sort of evil that I fear - I never see it, I have no idea what it is, but I know it is there and I fear it. Whenever this occurs, I run, too scared to face whatever it is. Another thing that disturbs me is that I can hear a familiar voice telling me to stop and they’ll protect me. I know I’ve heard the voice before - but I can’t place it.
All this disturbs me greatly, and makes me wonder where my original dream of Mary came from? What if that dream was not divinely inspired? What if the motivating factor for me joining the Church was sent from evil?
When I made the decision to join the Church, it was a dream that lead there. After watching Mel Gibson’s The Passion and seeing the portrayal of the 4th station of the cross(Jesus meeting his mother), the image of Mary crying with the look of, I don’t even know words to describe it, utter grief(?) it has been burned into my mind. I see her crying with that same look on her face in my dreams. At first, I didn’t know what to make of the dreams, then my Uncle(a deacon) suggested that maybe Mary was crying for me. It was at that moment I decided to join the Church. All through RCIA, I had the dream, thinking that when I joined the church at Easter, these dreams would stop. Instead of stopping they have completely completely taken over my sleep.
The Mary dream is disturbing, I don’t know why she is crying and I don’t know how to make it stop. There are other dreams as well. All are in different settings (although most start in a church and end in a cemetry) but revolve around the same theme - fear. There is some sort of evil that I fear - I never see it, I have no idea what it is, but I know it is there and I fear it. Whenever this occurs, I run, too scared to face whatever it is. Another thing that disturbs me is that I can hear a familiar voice telling me to stop and they’ll protect me. I know I’ve heard the voice before - but I can’t place it.
All this disturbs me greatly, and makes me wonder where my original dream of Mary came from? What if that dream was not divinely inspired? What if the motivating factor for me joining the Church was sent from evil?