Dressing Modestly - Important to the other

[idontknow]

Ok, Just thought I’d see what others thought. Dressing modestly is very important to me. I guess I am tempted easily. So I told my girlfriend in the beginning that it was important to me that she dress modestly and not show off much skin. She is a good Catholic girl and does dress pretty modestly. Once in a while she wears a shirt that is a little low or loose. And I try not to look if she leans forward or whatever.

But the problem is with her swimsuit. It is lower than I feel is appropriate. It isn’t really bad like some, but it is kind of low in front and I feel it shows too much. We went swimming together last Sunday and it had an effect on me. We decided that I shouldn’t see her in it without a shirt on over it.

She is on vacation right now with her family. Before she had said she would wear a shirt over it around other people, now she is saying that it is up to her and not for me to say. I feel it is important that she not show off her body. Guys will lust over it. I feel, I’m not allowed to see that much of her now, so I don’t want other guys getting to see that. I would change on things if she thought I was showing off too much of my body, for her or whatever - because she is important. But she says I am controlling her. I see it as adjusting for the other person, and feel it is a must for a relationship to work out. We do plan on getting married.

Thanx, for any advice.

 

[Bluegoat]

Um, you are controlling her. You just shouldn’t tell your girlfriend how to dress. You say she is aware of modesty issues, that she is serious about her religion. She has accommodated your personal issues. She sounds like a lovely girl who is thoughtful of others.

As far as other men lusting after her - neither you, nor she, can control them, it will happen, even if she wears one of those Victorian bathing outfits. If they do, neither you nor she will melt. If she thinks the bathing suit is appropriate, then she is doing what is required on her end.

You realize that noticing that a person is attractive, maybe even feeling sexually attracted to them, is not itself sinful. It’s just hormones, working the way they are supposed to. It is purposefully trying to arouse those feelings or dwelling on them when they happen that is the sin. So it is a two-way street - you also have a responsibility to fulfill in this regard. Your own responsibility should be your concern, not anyone else’s.

What have you been doing to accomplish that? Prayer, maybe fasting. learning ways to distract yourself? Not going to the beach, if that helps. But even shutting yourself off in a shed won’t totally solve the problem, which is internal, not external. That is where you should start.

 

[tjm190]

She appears to be willing to adjust for you, but it seems like she thinks you’re pushing her too far. It’s important to learn self control and not just expect the world around you to remove temptation from your sight.

 

[True_Believer_1]

She appears to be willing to adjust for you, but it seems like she thinks you’re pushing her too far. It’s important to learn self control and not just expect the world around you to remove temptation from your sight.

Excellent Answer!

NOT JUST STRONG…CATHOLIC STRONG!!!

 

[kage_ar]

It sounds from this and your other posts that working on getting YOUR passions under control is the first order of the day.

 

[Just_Lurking]

I would change on things if she thought I was showing off too much of my body, for her or whatever - because she is important. But she says I am controlling her. I see it as adjusting for the other person, and feel it is a must for a relationship to work out. We do plan on getting married.

Thanx, for any advice.

If you see the matter as closed, and the only issue is how to get her to follow through with your decision, then you are controlling her. However, if you are committed to resolving this conflict by treating her perspective as being equally as valid as yours, and approaching this as two adults who merely happen to disagree, then you aren’t controlling her.

Adjusting for the other person is fine. Having an absolute expectation that the other person must adjust to your demands is controlling. It isn’t the issue itself, it is how you two resolve it.