Earnest fasting/abstinence question

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clammyside

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My family is going through a tough time with unemployment now. I am praying constantly and know I need to fast or abstain to show some sacrifice on my part.

The problem is that food doesn’t interest me so giving up something isn’t a sacrifice (I may have the occasional sweet but it’s no big deal).

I am a smoker but giving up smoking worries me. I don’t want to snap at my child or wife when undergoing withdrawal…seriously! The job hunt and family situation is tough. I am a coffee drinker as well and don’t want to give it up right now for those reasons as well. I fear trying something and then reneging because of a blinding headache or withdrawal that makes me take it out in our house.

I don’t have lots of time to do acts of mercy. I have to take care of my child and look for work while doing more around the house.

I am trying to be more upbeat and nicer as I try to do more chores willingly and without complaint, sometimes not too successfully.

I need advice that won’t add stress to my household. My non churchgoing wife is okay with my return to the Faith and going to a men’s group but I can’t tax her patience much more right now, even though I would like to be able to do an act of mercy outside of the house. She is under stress, too.

Any ideas would be appreciated.
 
Hi, there, I think it’s great that you’re seeking God’s face right now. Too often we turn on Him in times of strife like you’re going through. Please understand that I’m not going to quote scripture at you, but I am going to ask you a couple of questions that came to mind when I read your post.

What is your objection to fasting? I know you said that food means little to you, and by that I think you mean that you have no food issues and giving up smoking or drinking coffee would be a more heroic sacrifice because they would hurt a bit. I don’t think that the meaning of sacrifice comes from what we think would hurt us more but from obedience to God. He has prescribed fasting and prayer for us when we are seeking His face and it’s important to be obedient to that. Be careful that you’re not falling into pride by trying do the thing you think will hurt rather than the thing that He’s asked.

Do you think that God would honor your sacrifice if it harms your witness to your wife? This is something that I’ve been struggling with recently. The way to lead her to the Church is probably not by snapping at her. If you are aware that you’ll get snappy then you could be creating an occasion for sin for both of you, something else you need to be careful with.

I’ll be praying for you. I’m sure you’ll get more longwinded replies than mine, but please give it some thought.

In Christ,
jazzbaby1
 
jazzbaby1 said:
Hi, there, I think it’s great that you’re seeking God’s face right now. Too often we turn on Him in times of strife like you’re going through. Please understand that I’m not going to quote scripture at you, but I am going to ask you a couple of questions that came to mind when I read your post.

What is your objection to fasting? I know you said that food means little to you, and by that I think you mean that you have no food issues and giving up smoking or drinking coffee would be a more heroic sacrifice because they would hurt a bit. I don’t think that the meaning of sacrifice comes from what we think would hurt us more but from obedience to God. He has prescribed fasting and prayer for us when we are seeking His face and it’s important to be obedient to that. Be careful that you’re not falling into pride by trying do the thing you think will hurt rather than the thing that He’s asked.

Do you think that God would honor your sacrifice if it harms your witness to your wife? This is something that I’ve been struggling with recently. The way to lead her to the Church is probably not by snapping at her. If you are aware that you’ll get snappy then you could be creating an occasion for sin for both of you, something else you need to be careful with.

I’ll be praying for you. I’m sure you’ll get more longwinded replies than mine, but please give it some thought.

In Christ,
jazzbaby1
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Thank you for your reply. I certainly don’t want to fall into pride. I can’t really fast since my wife is insisting I eat healthily. It’s an effort to eat a full meal since I don’t have an appetite.

Thanks.
 
So, you’re looking to make a sacrifice that is a real sacrifice for you, but not too much of a sacrifice? I jest. 😉

I always like to point out that fasting isn’t just about food. You can fast from a great number of things. You can fast from listening to music in the car. You can fast from taking warm showers by taking cold showers. You can fast from complaining. You can fast from certain websites. You can fast from TV. The possibilities are endless. 🙂

What would probably help the most is to find a good spiritual director/priest who could guide you in this. Sometimes, we need things to “hurt” a little in order to grow more spiritually. Sometimes, fasting in such a way that would add stress would be detrimental to our spiritual life. That’s something none of us here can really help you with. But a good spiritual director could.

In any event, feel free to try different fasts. If one particular fast is creating stress for your marriage, try another one. There’s no substitute for trial and error.
 
Smoking, coffee, these are luxury items that should be the FIRST thing to go when the family is facing economic hardship.
 
clammyside said:
I can’t really fast since my wife is insisting I eat healthily. It’s an effort to eat a full meal since I don’t have an appetite.
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Then how about if you eat the full meals your wife prepares for you without complaint? Sacrificing one’s own will is always a good thing.

Betsy
 
kage_ar said:
Smoking, coffee, these are luxury items that should be the FIRST thing to go when the family is facing economic hardship.
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Thank you for your reply. I am trying to cut down. We are trying to manage our expenses. I am not eating caviar and expecting the Lord to save us.

I want to atone for what I can and not bounce off the walls and scream at my child and wife either. That is kind of why I asked for help in the first place.
 
Offer up the suffering of craving a cigarette.

We are commanded to keep our passions under control, to be the master of our passions - by taking control of the desire to “bounce off the walls” you can bring this passion under submission!
 
Offering up a prayer for you and the family. Take care and remember that God knows your heart and loves you.

God bless,
Dan
 
I agree that eating the food your wife wants you to when you have no appetite is a discpline as well. I can’t really think of anything else creative off the top of my head, but I know that when you’re under stress, giving up things like coffee and cigarettes – caffeine and nicotine – that your body is chemically used to would probably make things worse. (One reason I don’t give up coffee for Lent: I need to stay awake at work!) Perhaps cutting back (as you’ve said), so that you feel the lack but your body doesn’t have the reaction that going cold turkey would?

Praying for you, in any case!

Francesca
 
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