Easter Dinner with MIL

[Chovy]

When we lived near family and I hosted holiday dinners, I spent a lot of time planning my menu, and I always told people not to bring anything. That’s really what I meant. I didn’t want them to make and bring anything because I wanted them to enjoy their day without work and because I wanted the menu to flow the way I had planned it. After hours of planning and work on my part (very much enjoyed!) I really didn’t want to serve a salad or other side dish that didn’t go at all with what I had planned. Yes, I am a control freak.

I agree with other people’s posts, and suggest not bringing anything or bringing something like flowers (with the realization that they will probably not be the centerpiece as she has probably already carefully selected the centerpiece). Maybe some nice spring flowers or a plant that she could enjoy throughout the summer would be just the trick.

As for the seriousness or lightheartedness of this issue, it was nice to see a post like this one that I felt qualified to address. Although I have sympathy, understanding and offer many prayers for some of the more life-changing issues posted on the board, this kind of post is important too.

 

[mschrank]

okay, okay, the jerk thing was OTT… I apologize. seriously.

Still, just relax, just do what your mil wants, like I said, some day you’ll get to be the queen bee. MILs are almost out of work when their kids grow up, she’s probably just using it to relive the old days when she got to be “mom”.

 

[JustAnotherThou]

okay, okay, the jerk thing was OTT… I apologize. seriously.

Still, just relax, just do what your mil wants, like I said, some day you’ll get to be the queen bee. MILs are almost out of work when their kids grow up, she’s probably just using it to relive the old days when she got to be “mom”.

Thank you!!!

Will you please read or re-read my second post. I really think I addressed in there your concerns on the second half of this post.

 

[Shiann]

I tend to agree with the posters who say don’t bring anything, have your own ‘everyholiday’ shindig on another day if you want or START A NEW FAMILY TRADITION. Maybe once a summer have a bbq, or in the dead of winter when no one feels like doing anything, and they need a pick-me-up, have a winter get together superbowl party or something.

MIL will not be here forever. And after she’s gone, you’ll get a chance to host the holidays. I’m sure you realized they are a TON of work, and you might look back and be thankful you could show up, enjoy the company, help with dishes and GO HOME.

 

[JustAnotherThou]

MIL will not be here forever. And after she’s gone, you’ll get a chance to host the holidays. I’m sure you realized they are a TON of work, and you might look back and be thankful you could show up, enjoy the company, help with dishes and GO HOME.

I do agree with you, to a point, DH and I have decided together that we would host some holiday dinner ourselves. I do believe that family should share the joy of the Holidays including dinners.
My mother passed a few short months after my grandmother. Thank God she was able to host 1 Christmas dinner prior to her passing.

 

[rinnie]

I think what we are trying to share with you here is wisdom. We have all been in your shoes, its just that there are so many big problems with in-laws these days, what i think these lovely ladies are trying to say is count your blessings. Try to Love your MIL because what goes around comes around you know what i mean. And some day you will be one, and trust me earlier than what you think. I swear it was yesterday i was just starting out and now so much of my family are leaving me and going to the next world. I am 46 and My Father and FIL are both gone now, ITs just so hard to comprehend. You never think its going to happen to you. You think they will be here forever, but trust me before you know it they are gone. How many people would give their eye teeth to just have family back. thats what i think they are saying, Thank God for the family you have here today tommorow they may be gone. trust me i know.

 

[CB_Catholic]

My MIL was the same way. She was a wonderful cook and always wanted to do holidays herself (except for dishes) . So we went along with that.

She got cancer. The last holiday of her life she still insisted on cooking it without any help, except for my FIL. Dinner was not up to her usual standards, but we didn’t care. It was then I really understood that cooking all those big dinners was for her an act of love–and that last dinner was the biggest one of all. She was in tremendous pain, but sat at the dinner table in her usual place. She could not eat her dinner, but she wanted to be with her family. She died a few months later, and I will never forget the self-sacrifice she endured to cook that one last dinner.

Look upon your MIL’s dinners as her gift to her family, and enjoy them thoroughly.