EDITED: Need advice--people talking after Mass while others are still praying

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Lormar

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My husband and I are, 99% of the time, the only two people who stay after Holy Mass to pray. Our church is a large one of the more modern design. We have a “gathering space” for people to congregate to chat either before or after Mass.

It never fails that after Mass, people decide to stand either right along side or directly behind us to talk - loud. This past Sunday, three people stood directly behind us and talked, and not for a few minutes. They wouldn’t even move when my husband tried to get passed them to go over to Our Lady’s statue to pray. We are not talking about young people. These are all folks in their sixties/early seventies. In other words, old enough to know better.

I am not sure how to handle this. I have thought of asking the pastor for his advice, but thought first to ask here to see if other people, who have had a similar problem, took care of it. My husband thinks that they are just being used (unknown to them) by the enemy to bother us.

I had thought about turning around and saying to them that some people were trying to pray, but they would have looked around and asked “Who?” As I said, most of the time we are the only two who do. There used to be others; perhaps they just got discourage and stopped.

Any advice will be appreciated.

God bless you, and thank you!
 
I would politely ask them to go into the gathering area to chat so you two could pray. Something along the lines of, “I’m sorry to interupt, but would you mid going to the gathering area to chat? My husband and I love being able to pray after Mass.”

If that doesn’t work, feel free to have a conversation with the pastor.
 
First of all remember that folks in their 60’s - 70’s were the “flower children” of the hippie movement. They generally represent the age of rebellion. Hard to loose your spots.

Secondly, the same thing happened to me ONCE. I wasn’t polite. I was sharp and to the point. I said, “if you don’t mind, I’m trying tp pray”. I was quite loud in my statement. They said they were sorry and moved off. It has not happened since. Folks just think I’m “one of those trad nuts”. And thats OK with me.
 
Earplugs. That way, you don’t have to start taking other people’s sin inventory 😉

And / or walk over to the quietest part of the Church (normally near the altar).
 
why don’t you and your husband offer to God that particular annoyance ?
 
Barbkw said:
Earplugs. That way, you don’t have to start taking other people’s sin inventory 😉

And / or walk over to the quietest part of the Church (normally near the altar).
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Sin inventory? Are you joking?
 
Three weeks ago our Pastor devoted his weekly collum in the bulletin to the issue of talking in church before or after Mass while others are trying to pray. Rarely is it necessary to talk like that. Most conversations should be held outside the sanctuary.

Ask your Priest’ to discuss this .
 
corsair said:
First of all remember that folks in their 60’s - 70’s were the “flower children” of the hippie movement. They generally represent the age of rebellion. Hard to loose your spots.

Wrong on all counts. Those of us in our 60’s-70’s who still go to Mass are not now or ever “flower children”. The most conspicuous sign of rebellion, I see are those who refuse to accept the teachings of the Magesterium. Most of that rebellion is not seen in the older folks.
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The elderly appear to be the worst at the 5:30 Saturday Mass as far as loud talking.

They aren’t the worst of course, but their voices are louder - either because their hearing is failing or the person they’re talking to is hard of hearing.
 
"One of the key documents governing the way in which the Mass is celebrated is the General Instruction of the Roman Missal.
It contains basic directives instructing priests and other ministers in how the Mass is to be celebrated. The previous edition of the GIRM was released in 1975, but in 2000 Pope John Paul II released a new edition, which was slightly modified in 2002.
This new edition of the GIRM was substantially the same as the prior one but had many small changes made to improve the quality of liturgical celebrations and clarify matters that previously were ambiguous.

Most national conferences of bishops petition Rome for local “adaptations” of the liturgy to be used in their countries. Rome must approve these adaptations before they have force of law.
The United States had such a set of adaptations under the 1975 GIRM, but they needed to be redrafted and resubmitted with the release of the new GIRM. Consequently, the United States Conference of Catholic Bishops proposed and submitted to Rome a set of national adaptations for use in the Latin-rite dioceses of the United States. These adaptations were approved and incorporated into the American translation of the GIRM.

This translation was approved and went into force on March 17, 2003. It is now liturgical law in the United States and is presently being implemented in dioceses across the nation. The following represent some of the most often asked about changes in liturgical law.

SILENCE IN CHURCH

Some have questioned whether the custom of observing silence in churches is to be retained, particularly before Mass. The new GIRM commends this practice:

“Even before the celebration itself, it is commendable that silence be observed in the church, in the sacristy, in the vesting room, and in adjacent areas, so that all may dispose themselves to carry out the sacred action in a devout and fitting manner” (45)."
 
The Church has spoken on talking in the Church, so perhaps you could circulate copies of the following instructions.

olmc-sophilly.org/masschanges.htm

"**Recently, the Catholic Church approved a new version of the General Instruction of the Roman Missal (GIRM) which is the overall set of guidelines and policies that state how we are to celebrate the Mass. This will be the third major revision of this document since the changes brought about by Vatican II. …

The GIRM points out that the celebration of the eucharist is an action of the whole church, and each person present – ordained, lay ministers, and members of the faithful – should be helped to realize that this Sunday celebration is of utmost importance in the life of the parish, and that it is , in fact, the center of the whole Christian life of the church. Everyone who takes part in the celebration of the eucharist is to prepare himself or herself before the liturgy. As an aid to this preparation, silence is important.

.According to the GIRM, silence should be observed within the course of the celebration of the Mass, particularly at the following moments, as appropriate: after the invitation of the priest to pray, after the proclamation of the first and second readings, after the homily, and after communion (#45). At its heart the Mass is communal prayer; it is prayer with others. But there still needs to be times during the celebration when we should be alone with our own thoughts and prayers. All of the moments listed are at times when we are given much to consider: remembering our sins, the words of scripture or of the homilist or when we have partaken of the Body of Christ in the Eucharist. These should not be moments we breeze through without reflective thought

The other part of this rule regards silence in the Church before and after Mass. The GIRM notes that if the church has a gathering space and people greet one another there, then silence may accompany their entrance into the body of the church. If people greet one another in the church, then a few moments of silence may be requested before the liturgy begins. OLMC church would be of the second type where parishioners greet each other inside the church. This brings up two points. The first is that it is okay to greet one another and speak with one another before and after mass inside the church. The second point is that everyone needs to have silence just before Mass begins. In other words, when we enter church we should be aware of those around us who are praying privately and to give them our respect by our silence as we prepare to pray together**."
 
In general, it’s difficult if not impossible to control what other people do. You can pretty much only control your reaction to it.

I used to be bothered a lot by people talking before Mass when I was trying to get myself prepared. One day–in something like a miracle–I found myself feeling overwhelmed with how wonderful it was that all these people were there to pray and worship with me. Their conversations became almost like music as I listened to it and I felt like I wanted to embrace them all. I wish I could feel like that all the time but I don’t. All too often the best I can do is to say “thank you, Lord, for giving me this opportunity to practice charity and patience.”
 
What I find worse is young women dressed as if they were going to a raunchy nightclub.

I have seen cleavages pushed or hanging out, things and every shape you can imagine.

Can’t they be modest in church, just one place?

If you feel I am being unfair as I have not said anything about men, unless one was totally naked I wouldn’t notice him.

One woman was handing out hymn books before Mass and all I could see was 75% of her breasts hanging out and no bra so nipples pressing through; in Mass!
 
Nelka said:
What I find worse is young women dressed as if they were going to a raunchy nightclub.

I have seen cleavages pushed or hanging out, things and every shape you can imagine.

Can’t they be modest in church, just one place?

If you feel I am being unfair as I have not said anything about men, unless one was totally naked I wouldn’t notice him.

One woman was handing out hymn books before Mass and all I could see was 75% of her breasts hanging out and no bra so nipples pressing through; in Mass!
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I’m in my “prep for Summer mode” anticipating the female teens wearing their Daisy Dukes for Jesus. I’ve already seen a number of spaghetti string tank tops at Mass with the obligatory bra strap exposures - all while standing next to their apparently blind and mute Mothers.
 
We talk in church before and after. Small talk like good moring how you been an so on. Now when someone is trying to pray we nod our heads to say hello. We repect the people that are still praying. At our church we do have a few people stay after to pray me being one of them. I usally miss alot during mass becouse of my ocd or hyperactivty so I try to make up for the time lost.
 
My home parish is very noisy before and after Mass (it’s like a bingo parlor), and another one nearby is just the same. One up the road is quiet before but noisy afterwards. A fourth one is quiet before and afterwards. I prefer the fourth one that maintains silence before and after, but I can’t always attend Mass there.

Most of the time I have to attend my noisy home parish and I just offer it up. I tell myself that if I can’t pray here amid the noise, how will I pray in the world? Note that I think the lack of silence is irreverent and disrespectful, but I do not expect silence in my parish.

During Lent, the choirs don’t do a recessional. Instead, the cantor asked the parishoners to leave in silence. It didn’t work. Then, at the next week’s Mass, the cantor said, “Please leave Mass in silence by not talking.” And there was silence after Mass. :rolleyes:
 
Lormar said:
My husband and I are, 99% of the time, the only two people who stay after Holy Mass to pray. Our church is a large one of the more modern design. We have a “gathering space” for people to congregate to chat either before or after Mass.

It never fails that after Mass, people decide to stand either right along side or directly behind us to talk - loud. This past Sunday, three people stood directly behind us and talked, and not for a few minutes. They wouldn’t even move when my husband tried to get passed them to go over to Our Lady’s statue to pray. We are not talking about young people. These are all folks in their sixties/early seventies. In other words, old enough to know better.

I am not sure how to handle this. I have thought of asking the pastor for his advice, but thought first to ask here to see if other people, who have had a similar problem, took care of it. My husband thinks that they are just being used (unknown to them) by the enemy to bother us.

I had thought about turning around and saying to them that some people were trying to pray, but they would have looked around and asked “Who?” As I said, most of the time we are the only two who do. There used to be others; perhaps they just got discourage and stopped.

Any advice will be appreciated.

God bless you, and thank you!
Click to expand...
I kind of have a similar situation at my parish at home… I like praying after Mass but people are always talking. It’s a very “modern” parish as well. The one I go to now, while at university, is FSSP, and practically everyone prays in silence after Mass! but sadly, that’s not the case everywhere.

I would continue praying and accept the talking as a mortification or something… but make sure it’s in humility 🙂 it’s easy to get annoyed, but best not to. 🙂

God bless
 
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