Elderly Dad, widow, living in sin-- Suddenly! Priest approves. ADVICE NEEDED

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So much for the farm and inheritance; I hope no one in your family works with him there, but…

You have to cut him off.

Make your case with all your siblings plain to him then just go no contact. This is unacceptable and your tenable acceptance of it by your presence in his company is a poor witness for your children (and grandchildren, nieces/nephews, etc). I would also get with your siblings and surround the priest after Mass assuming he will not meet with all of you. Again, state your case plainly and concisely to him.

It stinks to loose your father in this way, be happy for all the years you did have him and he was so good. I hope the farm is already in a trust or other agreement.
 
Mary888 said:
According to Fr. Hardon then, if I understand correctly, when he says ““Such obstacles are a lack of faith or sanctifying grace or of a right intention.”” does this imply that sanctifying grace can be a state achieved without baptism since is a condition required from the one about to receive baptism before baptism?
According to the second quote I think that if this woman desired to receive baptism then her baptism is valid even if she did not understood the need for salvation or what salvation is. So it seems to me that it is valid baptism from here. She was not taken to baptism against her expressed will.
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Validity is different than fruitfulness.
  • Sacraments of the dead: can be validly and fruitfully received when a person is not in the state of grace. They are baptism, penance, and, if needed, anointing of the sick.
  • Sacraments of the living: require the state of grace to be received fruitfully. They are confirmation, the Eucharist, matrimony, and holy orders.
Obstacles to fruitfulness of sacraments are:
  • a lack of faith
  • lack of a right intention
  • lack of sanctifying grace
But, subsequent repentance and recourse to the sacrament of Reconciliation can bring the fruitfulness of the sacrament.
 
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Blessings,
We are in the world but not of the world. Your Dad crossed over blinded by loneliness and lust. Handholding (?) could be?! He is healthy but changes occur physiologically??? I agree w hour assessment of gold digger b/c all her husbands were older. Thank God they are alive. But, can you find them and get statements from them. This is practical advice.
Holy advice!
JUDGE NOT,AND BE THEE, NOT JUDGED.
Don’t look for splinter in your brothers eye when you have a log in yours.
You are in a justifiable panic. Calm down. PRAY!

Let nothing disturb you,
Let nothing frighten you,
All things are passing away:
God never changes.
Patience obtains all things
Whoever has God lacks nothing;
God alone suffices.

– St. Teresa of Avila
Be loving and wise! Did you have a formal background check done? Get info from husbands.
The PRIEST! Go talk to him w the background check. Ask him to explain his theology to you. Have scripture verses ready to do spiritual warfare. The Samaritan woman at the well w 6 husbands. The 6 and 10th Commandments.
The scripture verse on divorce only accepted for adultery.
In Christ’s love
Tweedlealice

Lord, calm his heart. Give him wisdom. Let all see the truth. In Jesus name .amen
 
his money and property mean nothing to me. I never counted or expected any inheritance, nor have my siblings. I am praying. They are not investigating any marriages. The priest knows the intimacy level (sleeping and living together) and has told my dad he is ok. They are NOT living as brother and sister. Brother and sisters don’t share beds and bathroom time. She’s wearing a ring on her finger as well. T.his is an overt scandal to the Protestants around whom he lives and those in his parish. The townspeople near him heard him constantly rebuke them for their serial marriages and divorces. They know this woman’s past well. now they think Catholics are just like them with divorce remarriage and live-ins. The priest’s actions have cemented my father’s will in this sin, not put it in the light of needing conversion. My father is completely complacent with his priests ignoring the situation.

The priest who gives communion to someone who knows the faith, and is living in an overt scandal is NOT being pastoral. He is being complicit. He also baptized her without any faith prep what so ever. She never was or is in danger of death.
 
Did you find out what happened with her past relationships with the older me ?
 
If your dad, who is a grown, competent adult, wants to behave in a way that you think “scandalizes the Protestants in your area”, that’s his choice to make. Other than you trying to talk him out of it, which apparently you’ve tried and it didn’t work, you can do nothing and it’s not your business. If you think the priest made wrong pastoral decisions, you’re entitled to that opinion, but again you can’t do anything about it and it’s also not your business since your father and this woman are grown, competent adults and are free to have their own pastoral relationship with a priest of their choice.

As others have said, I would file a report with law enforcement about the potential elder abuse/exploitation situation here based on the woman’s past history with older men, and then visit a good lawyer to see if there’s anything you can do to protect against this woman staking a claim to dad’s assets should he pass away.
 
Thanks for all the good advice. I am fully aware I can’t change their situation. And with all due respect, you don’t know this little town. Way, way out in the boonies, when dad moved there, no one had ever met a Catholic. Deep south, extremely rural. I am sure he has tarred the Church’s reputation, because that is how people think, and that is why scandal is a sin.

That being said, yes we called other spouses. She left after bankrupted one, Left another after he paid for her nursing school, left others because was kicked out for drug use. The older men she lived with: only one was living, and he paid her medical bills till she got a better deal with a younger man (that is the one spouse deceased.

I have called elder-abuse agency several times. But being in “sound mind” and no physical abuse going on, they won’t do anything or even go by.

My real point and purpose, was really to see if Bishop and Priest could be held accountable in the here and now my reporting their complicity. And regardless of all that has been said on that score, I will never believe it is anything else having spoken to both, and spoken to two other good priests in the area acquainted with the situation Those priests were the ones that refused the baptism of the woman due to no preparation. Those priests expressed shock and dismay of the actions of the “pastoral” priest. I know his actions are harming my dad spiritually because I know my dad. He cites the enabling priest’s words as his defense and sees this woman’s pretense of becoming a Catholic as making it all ok. And I know that is present because of her public actions, and as well as her words to me when I confronted her. She said it didn’t matter if she didn’t live according to Church rules because she “has her own beliefs on that.” Having quizzed her on why she “became Catholic.” She stated it was what my dad wanted. It is a sham.

Being concerned for him spiritually is of course number one. Being angry that other priests see this as what it is, and that dad found one that will enable him is so devastating. That the bishop will not correct that priest, is very, very troubling. All cooing words aside, this is not what Saints do with a public scandal. The Cure of Ars, Padre Pio, any saintly confessor would have read my dad the riot act and being a retire Marine, it would have worked… other priests did that in the past over issues of schism, and it worked. No. The priest and bishop have much to answer for.

Thanks for your prayers guys.
 
SandraHarrison said:
And with all due respect, you don’t know this little town. Way, way out in the boonies, when dad moved there, no one had ever met a Catholic. Deep south, extremely rural. I am sure he has tarred the Church’s reputation, because that is how people think, and that is why scandal is a sin.
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I am quite aware of the ways of little towns. My father came from one and my grandfather was a KKK member.

Unfortunately, like I said, if your father has lost his moral marbles in public, you still can’t do much about it besides tell him so, and if he continues to act this way, then pray for him.

If you feel that strongly that the priest acted wrongly, you could write to the Bishop. Although it seems quite likely that your letter will fall on deaf ears, perhaps it would relieve your own conscience to do so, and you could feel you had at least done as much as you could for your father.

There are people who become Catholic primarily because it is what someone else, like a spouse or partner wants. My father was one of those. Sometimes they turn out to be quite good Catholics, given the chance. As my father did.

God bless.
 
Bear, Sandra states that she has spoken to the Bishop, and his reaction was just to say the priest is being “pastoral”. If “being pastoral” meant that the laws of God and Church are not upheld or are being circumvented, and scandal was weakening the faith of others, then it’s ‘social work’ but a priest’s primary duty is to shepherd souls towards eternal salvation. If the reality is that the priest is too non-confrontational to deal with any matter that is contrary to Catholic teaching, this would also impact on his spiritual well-being as well as on his parishioners. If I was convinced of this in similar circumstances and the bishop brushed the matter aside with a general term, I’d contact the archbishop, but perhaps this is not an option for a small town.

We don’t know what is in the mind of the priest, so although careful reading of all that Sandra shared makes us feel that a stand should be taken, even to deny the Sacraments until the situation is resolved, we have to leave the judgment to God.
Much prayer is needed for all concerned
 
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Thanks Trishie. There is a lot going on in this thread, so I managed to miss the part where the bishop had been contacted already, and I appreciate you pointing it out. I agree that this is a difficult situation and prayer is called for.
 
Is there any chance, remotely, thst your father had a small stroke? It’s not that uncommon;I take it that his present behavior is uncharacteristic of him?

When is the last time he had a checkup? If he pays this woman’s medical bills, he shouldn’t be against seeing a doctor.
 
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I think your dad needs a mental health exam. I understand he is probably lonely, but his actions indicate perhaps he is having some mental instability. He could have girlfriend on the side, without all the drama. It doesn’t add up. Something else is going on.
 
If you have appraised the bishop and your PP about the situation then its time to let it go hard as that is. God does not need you to solve this spiritual issue as you have done all that God requires of you. it is now the responsibility of your PP. Yes you are scandalised but its time to get over that and move on from the spiritual point of view.

I would be more worried about your dad’s mental state and the gold digger “wife”.
You would be well advised to speak to his lawyer or GP and ask for his advice about having some sort of mental evalutation. Perhaps he can advise an experienced social worker in the field who can advise what is possible in your country.
Good luck.
 
If you’ve discussed this with your dad you need to now place the situation in the Lord’s hands. Pray, pray, pray.

I was confronted with a slightly similar situation, a priest ‘blessing’ the unmarried ‘union’ of a older man and woman who wouldn’t marry because one or the other would lose their Social Security Benefits. The woman held a high position in a particular lay apostolate and the priest was the spiritual advisor for the apostolate. I chose to end my association with the group quietly.

Your situation is different in that this involves your father. Your continued association with him can continue to influence him in a positive way. You can also continue to look out for his best interests, spiritual and temporal.

You and your family will be in my prayers.
 
Two other priests seem to understand this for what it is. If they cannot speak to the bishop on your behalf and resolve the situation then I doubt there is much else you can do in regards to the Church. I am guessing in a lot of ways you were hoping that they Church would in effect pry the relationship apart, or resolve it to a better state at least.

They only thing, at this point, you have control over is your actual relationship with your father. That is all you can change.
 
I wouldn’t cut your dad off, because frankly that would be playing into this woman’s hands. Isolating someone from his friends and family is one way that manipulation works best. Leave him a lifeline and don’t humiliate him.

There are probably books out there on how to help someone who is being manipulated.

On the bright side, she’s not a serial killer. She just wants a meal ticket. If she meets somebody richer than your dad, she could be gone tomorrow.
 
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Your father has made his choice. If you must, consult an attorney to explore your options to protect your father’s estate. If your children are aware of the situation, explain to them in an age appropriate way that their grandfather’s actions are not acceptable. God still loves him, but not his actions.

Adultery is not itself an excommunicatable offense, and an internal family drama is not the kind of grave public scandal the church typically would apply such a dramatic penalty towards.
 
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