Eligible to Make Confession?

[lbn283]

I am a Catholic. I was baptized in the Catholic faith and received the sacraments of Reconciliation, Eucharist, and Confirmation. My husband is also a Catholic (has received all the same sacraments as I have)and was married once before in the Catholic church and then divorced. We married outside the Catholic church. We wanted to remarry in the Catholic church and he applied for an annullment, which was subsequently denied due to no overwhelmingly reason that it should be granted.

We have a son together (through adoption) who is now 14 years old and who we have raised Catholic. He has been baptized, received the sacraments of Reconciliation and Eucharist and is now preparing for to receive the sacrament of Confirmation. Through church meetings with the Faith Formation director, we have learned, unbeknownst to us, that due to our marriage outside the church that I am no longer eligible to receive the sacraments of Reconciliation and Eucharist. My husband is aware that he is unable to receive the sacraments as a result of the divorce and not having the annullment granted. What we didn’t ever understand was the effect it would have for me.

I would like to have some clarification if it is indeed true that I am now not eligible to receive the sacraments of Reconciliation and Eucharist as a result of my marriage outside the Catholic church?

We have had a long time friend in a Reverend who is no longer with us who I would turn to for answers, but he is at peace with our Lord. He’s known of our circumstances for 14+ years and never once indicated that we were not eligible for the sacraments of Reconciliation and Eucharist. Even at times he would call us at home if he hadn’t seen us at his mass asking if everything was OK and when he would see us/our family.

I’m extremely disheartened and feel unworthy.

 

[baltobetsy]

It must be terribly distressing to discover this after all these years. What I am about to tell you sounds tough and mean, but sometimes it’s better to get the whole truth, no matter how much it hurts. It is your eternal salvation at stake, and I’m sure you really want to make things right.

The main reason you are not eligible to receive the Sacraments of Reconciliation and Holy Eucharist is that you are objectively living in a state of mortal sin. Your husband, in the eyes of God and the Church, is married to someone else and cannot be married to you. This constitutes the sin of adultery. In addition, if your fellow parishioners are aware of this marriage situation, there is scandal given.

A possible solution, which you should discuss with your priest to see if it could apply to you, would be to live as brother and sister (giving up marital relations entirely). You then would be able to go to Confession and be sincerely repentant of the sin that is keeping you from receiving Holy Communion. If there is the issue of scandal, that is, if your fellow parishioners are aware that your husband was married before and not granted a decree of nullity for the previous marriage, you could receive Communion in a parish where you are not known.

This is a lot to think about and talk over with your husband. I hope you find a solution that you can live with. God bless you.

Betsy

 

[mercygate]

I am a Catholic. I was baptized in the Catholic faith and received the sacraments of Reconciliation, Eucharist, and Confirmation. My husband is also a Catholic (has received all the same sacraments as I have)and was married once before in the Catholic church and then divorced. We married outside the Catholic church. We wanted to remarry in the Catholic church and he applied for an annullment, which was subsequently denied due to no overwhelmingly reason that it should be granted.

We have a son together (through adoption) who is now 14 years old and who we have raised Catholic. He has been baptized, received the sacraments of Reconciliation and Eucharist and is now preparing for to receive the sacrament of Confirmation. Through church meetings with the Faith Formation director, we have learned, unbeknownst to us, that due to our marriage outside the church that I am no longer eligible to receive the sacraments of Reconciliation and Eucharist. My husband is aware that he is unable to receive the sacraments as a result of the divorce and not having the annullment granted. What we didn’t ever understand was the effect it would have for me.

I would like to have some clarification if it is indeed true that I am now not eligible to receive the sacraments of Reconciliation and Eucharist as a result of my marriage outside the Catholic church?

We have had a long time friend in a Reverend who is no longer with us who I would turn to for answers, but he is at peace with our Lord. He’s known of our circumstances for 14+ years and never once indicated that we were not eligible for the sacraments of Reconciliation and Eucharist. Even at times he would call us at home if he hadn’t seen us at his mass asking if everything was OK and when he would see us/our family.

I’m extremely disheartened and feel unworthy.

Jumping into water that is above my head, it sounds like your situation does place you in a position of technically living with someone who is not your husband. Without a decree that your husband’s first marriage did not exist (i.e., was “null”), then he is still married.

I am curious that you use the term “Reverend” for a Catholic Priest, since most Catholics refer to clergy as “Priests” or perhaps “Pastor.”

I feel for you since you entered all of this without really knowing what you were doing. It must seem very unfair. I once knew a couple (many years ago) who attended Mass together daily for nearly 30 years but did not receive the sacraments of Eucharist or Confesson until the man’s first wife had died. Both were deeply faithful and both claimed that they believed the Church was correct in her position and did not even wish that anything should change to accommodate their situation. Now THAT is heroic conversion.

 

[lbn283]

Thank you very much, Betsy for your insight. I appreciate it very much.

Hypothetically, should we to divorce or should my husband pass away, would I then be eligible once again to receive the sacraments of Reconciliation and Holy Eucharist?

For the poster who referred to my reference of “Reverend,” I normally would have referred to him as “Father Frank,” however, his title is “Reverend Francis …”, therefore, I just referred her to him in formality.

 

[mercygate]

Thank you very much, Betsy for your insight. I appreciate it very much.

Hypothetically, should we to divorce or should my husband pass away, would I then be eligible once again to receive the sacraments of Reconciliation and Holy Eucharist?

For the poster who referred to my reference of “Reverend,” I normally would have referred to him as “Father Frank,” however, his title is “Reverend Francis …”, therefore, I just referred her to him in formality.

Hugs. You have friends here. May you find your way through this with peace of heart.

 

[baltobetsy]

Thank you very much, Betsy for your insight. I appreciate it very much.

Hypothetically, should we to divorce or should my husband pass away, would I then be eligible once again to receive the sacraments of Reconciliation and Holy Eucharist?

I believe that you would, because the ongoing sin of adultery would no longer be present. You would need to confess having been married to your husband, resolve not to do that again, and receive absolution.

A similar thing happened to someone in my family. When she divorced her husband (who had been previously married and divorced without a decree of nullity), she went to confession and returned to Holy Communion with no problem. She has not remarried; if she had wished to, she would have needed to go through the annullment process for her marriage. This would probably have been quick and simple, because he was not an eligible partner for her.

I hope you will speak about these matters with your pastor, who will be able to give you authoritative guidance.

Betsy

 

[muffinmojo]

Without further clarification, I can see no reason why the Sacrament of Confession would be closed to you- the Eucharist of course is only for those practicing Catholics in a state of grace, ie, have no unconfessed mortal sin. The Sacrament of Confession is availible for all baptized Catholics…the only possible reason you would not be able to make a Confession would be if you were excommunicated, which requires a public recanting of your errors and a confession to your local bishop to undo. Unless you have done something VERY VERY serious, I sincerely doubt you are an excommunicate.

Talk to your priest- he’ll know.

And welcome back

 

[Jea9]

Without further clarification, I can see no reason why the Sacrament of Confession would be closed to you- the Eucharist of course is only for those practicing Catholics in a state of grace, ie, have no unconfessed mortal sin. The Sacrament of Confession is availible for all baptized Catholics…the only possible reason you would not be able to make a Confession would be if you were excommunicated, which requires a public recanting of your errors and a confession to your local bishop to undo. Unless you have done something VERY VERY serious, I sincerely doubt you are an excommunicate.

Talk to your priest- he’ll know.

And welcome back

You cannot receive Absolution in the Sacrament of Penance if you are not resolved to no longer commit the sin. Thus, if the OP is continuing to live as husband and wife with her husband than, objectively speaking of course, she would not be able to go to Confession. She would be confessing a mortal sin that she plans on continuing to commit. At least that is the way that I understand it…until she resolves her ‘marriage’ situation.