Emotional affair spin-off

[sallybirchwood]

Kind of a spin-off on another thread. My sister-in-law had an emotional affair with a man she worked with several years ago. She claims it was because she married the only man she ever dated. The man at work paid her a lot of attention and she was flattered. Yet I know other women who married their only boyfriend and have never steered the wrong course.

 

[puzzleannie]

in the first place this should not be a topic of discussion between you, and in the second place the term “emotional affair” is so weighted and contradictory, I doubt any two people have the same meaning in mind when they use it. There is no excuse for infidelity to one’s marriage partner on any level, and people will always try to make up an excuse, but that is always just an excuse for doing what they want to do, it is never a real reason.

 

[Phemie]

I’ve never understood this ‘emotional affair’ thing. What exactly does that mean?

There are things I share with friends, male & female, that I can’t share with my husband because he a) doesn’t get my love for the theatre & b) is bored to tears when I talk about it. The same can be said for my reaction to his love of Scouting. We usually don’t attend each other’s parties when they involve either theatre or scouting. OTOH, we share other interests and are very involved together in things like geocaching and socialize with other people with that interest.

 

[RubyWannabe]

I don’t necessarily agree that you and your sister should not talk about this. Sounds like she needs some good advice, and you’re looking for help for her.

There are probably many people out there that married about the only person they ever dated. That’s not an excuse to cheat or even think about cheating on her husband. I think that by “emotional affair” you probably mean that your sister had feelings of love and desire for this man but never carried them out physically.

At this point, she should commit to not seeing this man again or talking to him, and she should seek to see her husband the way she sees this man or perceives that he sees here. A good place to start would be to read “The Five Love Languages” by Gary Chapman.

RubyWannabe

 

[whatevergirl]

Kind of a spin-off on another thread. My sister-in-law had an emotional affair with a man she worked with several years ago. She claims it was because she married the only man she ever dated. The man at work paid her a lot of attention and she was flattered. Yet I know other women who married their only boyfriend and have never steered the wrong course.

Affairs whether they be physical, emotional or both are really more about the person who is ‘cheating,’ not the marriage. Now, there can be bad marriages out there that lead a person astray–but, most of the time–affairs are about the person who is cheating–and that they are seeking to fill some void in his/her life. The void can range from not having God in his/her life (that is largely it) to not feeling good about one’s self. It can also be something one does to overcome a past wound–like maybe a person didn’t feel loved as a child, and is still seeking that type of attention, etc. Never received praise, so needs it constantly from a lot of strangers to feel good. I would share those things with your sister in law, as most likely, she is lacking one of those things–or all. The reality is, is that we should feel good about ourselves, and love ourselves–without the praise of anyone. When people seek praise from others–it will never be satiated. That craving needs to be quenched with a relationship with Christ. Becoming immersed in one’s faith is the best defense against this type of temptation. I’ll pray for her.

 

[rayne89]

Kind of a spin-off on another thread. My sister-in-law had an emotional affair with a man she worked with several years ago. She claims it was because she married the only man she ever dated. The man at work paid her a lot of attention and she was flattered. Yet I know other women who married their only boyfriend and have never steered the wrong course.

Um…I married my first (and only) boyfriend and I never had nor considered an affair, emotional or otherwise. If she’s looking for attention from other men than there are issues in her marriage that need to be addressed instead of her making excuses.

 

[puzzleannie]

yes I agree a woman who somehow has convinced herself having an “emotional affair” whatever that means, is not a problem, certainly could use some straight talk, but the sister of her husband is not the best candidate for a confidante.