Emotional Attachment

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Mike.McKenzie

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I have had a pretty rough life. When i was 18 i met a 16 year old girl whom i fell in deep love with. We went through everything together and where together for 2 and a half years. Some of the things we went through were pretty severe. One of the greatest things we went through was i was gone for a year doing military training, and any body who is in the service knows how great it is when you get a letter from home. Well every day that i was gone was every day that i got a letter from home from my girl infact she was the only one who wrote me my family did not. So i grew more attached to her. Not only that her family loved me alot as well. It almost seemed an obsession i thought. Well i took it for granted and nearing the last few months of our relationship i did things i was not proud of. I completly ignored her and ended up losing her. No duh right it was my fault i admit of corse. Now to all who read this i want them to put in there heads an almost flawless relationship a strong one that i tore apart now she hates me and i am so hurt that i would do anything to get her back, she wont have it. I am most certian this is just not puppy love, all the other girls that i date do not display the pure love that she displayed to me. It has been about a year now and i cant get over her i cry every night myself to sleep still to this day cause i miss her. So my question may be a dumb one, but indeed it is a question; What do i do when i love a girl so much. Is there a prayer for soul mates, a prayer that we find our soul mates something that will let me know if she is my soul mate or not.
 
Being military, you have a huge stereotype to overcome. A lot of people associate cheating and adultry with TDYs. You obviously know the pressures that go on, giving in to them. I think it is MUCH harder for someone to forgive/forget this sort of thing in the military because we know you will be gone again, and the pressures will come back. Spouses can’t be there, so they feel helpless, and without full trust, it is hard to recommit. Many relationships are ended because of this.

Do you currently live near this girl? Are you ABSOLUTELY sure that you can stay strong in the future? I would suggest asking her to go to Mass with you. Don’t pursue a relationship until you can prove to both her and yourself that you are not “that guy” anymore. Your relationship will need to be built from the ground up, no matter how much love was there in the past. Trust isn’t something that any level-headed girl would easily give to a guy who cheated on her.

You many also want to reevaluate your entire life at this point. Was what happened at your training your only fault? Do you have any bad habits? Kick them now. Start over. If you smoke, stop. If you drink, stop. Go to Mass EVERY Sunday. Starting with a clean slate will help you through your TDYs. This girl may or may not be your soulmate, but you want to be ready for the one who is.
 
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AirForceMama:
Being military, you have a huge stereotype to overcome. A lot of people associate cheating and adultry with TDYs. You obviously know the pressures that go on, giving in to them. I think it is MUCH harder for someone to forgive/forget this sort of thing in the military because we know you will be gone again, and the pressures will come back. Spouses can’t be there, so they feel helpless, and without full trust, it is hard to recommit. Many relationships are ended because of this.

Do you currently live near this girl? Are you ABSOLUTELY sure that you can stay strong in the future? I would suggest asking her to go to Mass with you. Don’t pursue a relationship until you can prove to both her and yourself that you are not “that guy” anymore. Your relationship will need to be built from the ground up, no matter how much love was there in the past. Trust isn’t something that any level-headed girl would easily give to a guy who cheated on her.

You many also want to reevaluate your entire life at this point. Was what happened at your training your only fault? Do you have any bad habits? Kick them now. Start over. If you smoke, stop. If you drink, stop. Go to Mass EVERY Sunday. Starting with a clean slate will help you through your TDYs. This girl may or may not be your soulmate, but you want to be ready for the one who is.
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Well i am a reservist now and yes i live near this girl. So i am not sure, she trusted me when i was in the military, that was not a problem. The problem is that i did it when i was out, the last three months was when i was out. She aslo did not know that i cheated, she was fed up with me not paying any attention to her. What do you think
 
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Mike.McKenzie:
Well i am a reservist now and yes i live near this girl. So i am not sure, she trusted me when i was in the military, that was not a problem. The problem is that i did it when i was out, the last three months was when i was out. She aslo did not know that i cheated, she was fed up with me not paying any attention to her. What do you think
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I think she made you so secure with her that you felt maybe it was weakness and that she would get over it if caught.
At this point since it wasn’t weakness she deserves a relationship that she can give that same gift to again. I think if you are able to reaquaint yourself with her I would keep that at the very forefront of my thoughts. That if she can’t give the kind of trust and respect to me that she did before I would want her to be able to have a relationship that she can give her whole self too. Another recommendation is to follow the courtship method that incorporates JPII’s theology of the body. If any method can restore or discover compatability it is this one that has at it’s disposal the wisdom of this theology. I’ll post it below. godofdesire.com/ 👍
 
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Benadam:
I think she made you so secure with her that you felt maybe it was weakness and that she would get over it if caught.
At this point since it wasn’t weakness she deserves a relationship that she can give that same gift to again. I think if you are able to reaquaint yourself with her I would keep that at the very forefront of my thoughts. That if she can’t give the kind of trust and respect to me that she did before I would want her to be able to have a relationship that she can give her whole self too. Another recommendation is to follow the courtship method that incorporates JPII’s theology of the body. If any method can restore or discover compatability it is this one that has at it’s disposal the wisdom of this theology. I’ll post it below. godofdesire.com/ 👍
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Well i appreciate your reply Benadam, and i think that you hit it right on the head. But there are some facts that i have yet to disclose to you guys. Well during our 2 and a half year relationship, I was fronted about 850 dollars from her father for a rent and about 1300 dollars from her best friends mother. Yes i still owe the money and i am planning on paying it these with the next checks that i get. That was a big issue to her not to mention i totalled two nice cars that i had. So she feels that i am irresponsible. Which i can not balme her. About 2 weeks ago she talked to me for about 40 mins on the phone and told me that things would posbe different if i just paid the money back. So of corse i am going to pay back the money. But do you think she is more inclined to come around. Or do you think she will just blow me off.
Another thing that i dont understand, is yes i guess her boyfriend treats her right but i do know for a fact that, her boyfriend now is a drug dealer and he does it as well as drinks. He is 19 and i am 21 and ocasionally i like to go out for a drink but i dont over do it. I am 21 and i can legally enjoy a beer. But she hates this and i dont understand why she would hate me going out drinking when her boyfriend does far worse. But with the money that he gets from drugs he spends some of it on her. It has also been said that she does them now to. It makes sence because he does them all the time why would she not do it as well. Another thing that i dont understand is that our mutual friends dont like him. They tell me i am a heck of alot better looking than he is. Do you think that it is just his money that she likes? Do you think that she may come around after the money is paid back or when i pay the money back and get a car? What do you think
 
I think you are too young for a serious relationship that contemplates marriage. You have a lot of immature atttitudes and behavior to correct before you can gift yourself to any woman. I would go about working on the virtues, working on being a good, solid Christian man, return to the sacraments, concentrate on education and career, in short, become the man you would wish this special young lady to have for a husband. And let her see what you are attempting, ask her help and prayers.
 
I met my wife when I was 18 and she was 16. I got engaged far too early and ended up splitting up at 21. After a year without her, I knew that we were soulmates and so I resolved to get her back, no matter what. We’ll have been married for 10 years in April and have four children. I love her a little more every day and thank God I had the courage of my conviction.

I would say if you love her- go for it! You’ll only spend the rest of your life wondering ‘what if?’ Hope this works out for you! God bless!
 
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Mike.McKenzie:
Well i appreciate your reply Benadam, and i think that you hit it right on the head. But there are some facts that i have yet to disclose to you guys. Well during our 2 and a half year relationship, I was fronted about 850 dollars from her father for a rent and about 1300 dollars from her best friends mother. Yes i still owe the money and i am planning on paying it these with the next checks that i get. That was a big issue to her not to mention i totalled two nice cars that i had. So she feels that i am irresponsible. Which i can not balme her. About 2 weeks ago she talked to me for about 40 mins on the phone and told me that things would posbe different if i just paid the money back. So of corse i am going to pay back the money. But do you think she is more inclined to come around. Or do you think she will just blow me off.
Another thing that i dont understand, is yes i guess her boyfriend treats her right but i do know for a fact that, her boyfriend now is a drug dealer and he does it as well as drinks. He is 19 and i am 21 and ocasionally i like to go out for a drink but i dont over do it. I am 21 and i can legally enjoy a beer. But she hates this and i dont understand why she would hate me going out drinking when her boyfriend does far worse. But with the money that he gets from drugs he spends some of it on her. It has also been said that she does them now to. It makes sence because he does them all the time why would she not do it as well. Another thing that i dont understand is that our mutual friends dont like him. They tell me i am a heck of alot better looking than he is. Do you think that it is just his money that she likes? Do you think that she may come around after the money is paid back or when i pay the money back and get a car? What do you think
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Sounds very hopefull to me. I read the advise of puzzleannie and fighting fat before posting this and they both sound good and it seems that you can do both at the same time as long as you can keep your head straight in regards of those goals. I hope it works out for you and her.
 
Both you and she need to grow in faith. It’s absolutely essential to make a good relationship between you possible. I met my fiance when he was 17 and I 18 and we had a lot of bad attitudes that we got from growing up in this society.

BUT as we both began to become better Catholics our relationship improved tremendously. We learned that loving each other means truly putting each other first. If you had put her feelings ahead of yours from the beginning you would not have lost her. And if you plan to be with her (or anyone else for that matter) and have a good relationship you need to learn to put the other person first always. The relationship becomes about them and making them happy, not about you and what you want. It means sacrificing your own desires to make them happy. It means completely giving up the “independence” that society makes us value so much. After all this is the love with which Christ loved us and with which we are called to love our spouses!!!

(And you know what, I am happiest when I put my fiance ahead of myself and work for his happiness and well being! God really knows what’s good for us!)

Another important thing my fiance and I learned is that it’s essential to be CHASTE. It doesn’t just mean not having premarital sex. It means not thinking lustful thoughts, not having lustful conversations, and obviously not looking at any sexual material etc. And if you are chaste affairs, flirting and everything else will never be a problem because a chaste person will see sexuality as it’s meant to be: unitive and OPEN TO LIFE.

Becoming chaste did amazing things for our relationship. I feel his love for me so much more, I trust him more, respect him more, and am much happier with him. He feels the same! (And when I recall the times when we weren’t as chaste as we are now, which for us never went further than thoughts, conversations, and passionate kisses, I feel very bad and can’t believe how desensitized and impure we were!)

Another really important thing that faith gave is us seeing our relationship not as something we are doing for the sake of feeling good, but as a VOCATION. The purpose of being together is serving God as a team, to do everything we can to help each other get to Heaven, to raise children for God, to support and help each other in using the talents God gave us to serve Him etc.

And you know what, the more our lives became about living for God the better our relationship became!!! We were able to move past recurring problems in our relationship. We were able to forgive each other and more or less let go of grudges. We became more patient and loving, more sensitive to each other’s feelings and needs. We began to love each other more and more selflessly! And we both became much, much HAPPIER!

Regardless of whether you’re going to marry this girl or another girl (if you are called to marry!), it is very, very, very important to be a good Catholic. It is the most important thing.

P.S. I don’t think you’re too young to discern marriage. In the past people our age already had children!!! So I don’t think it’s age that makes us immature, but a lack of faith and trust in God.
 
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Mike.McKenzie:
I have had a pretty rough life. When i was 18 i met a 16 year old girl whom i fell in deep love with. We went through everything together and where together for 2 and a half years. Some of the things we went through were pretty severe. One of the greatest things we went through was i was gone for a year doing military training, and any body who is in the service knows how great it is when you get a letter from home. Well every day that i was gone was every day that i got a letter from home from my girl infact she was the only one who wrote me my family did not. So i grew more attached to her. Not only that her family loved me alot as well. It almost seemed an obsession i thought. Well i took it for granted and nearing the last few months of our relationship i did things i was not proud of. I completly ignored her and ended up losing her. No duh right it was my fault i admit of corse. Now to all who read this i want them to put in there heads an almost flawless relationship a strong one that i tore apart now she hates me and i am so hurt that i would do anything to get her back, she wont have it. I am most certian this is just not puppy love, all the other girls that i date do not display the pure love that she displayed to me. It has been about a year now and i cant get over her i cry every night myself to sleep still to this day cause i miss her. So my question may be a dumb one, but indeed it is a question; What do i do when i love a girl so much. Is there a prayer for soul mates, a prayer that we find our soul mates something that will let me know if she is my soul mate or not?
Click to expand...
 
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