M
Mark_David
Guest
Hi, I’m new to this site and forum and so glad to be here! Many issues have already been answered for me here! God bless you all!
I’m a former Catholic-turned-agnostic-turned-unofficial/superficial-Protestant (takes breath), who has recently been drawn back home to the One True Church - by what I feel is the unmistakable, overwhelmingly wonderful grace of God. (I’m 28 years old, for the record).
A few days ago, I wrote down that list to take with me to Confession; I wrote it with total heart and sincerity. I had no fears, except of not being able to go soon enough; I could hardly wait to confess and be forgiven.
On my day of Reconciliation (which was today, incidentally), I deliberately skipped breakfast, got annoyed by some bad weather and delayed public transport, and so felt I was running against the clock. I really wanted to make this Confession.
So, eventually, when I made it to the confessional stall, I was still somewhat irritated by the weather and delayed transport (even though I was well ahead of time before Mass) - in other words, not exactly the appropriate state of mind and heart to be in for Confession.
I “read” my list, and rushed it a little with the good intention of not keeping the priest too long (I know this was probably a non-issue, esp. considering my long-absence from the Church) - but my reading was fairly flat, I think. I elaborated honestly, though, and answered all of the priest’s questions as best, honestly and reverently as I could. He was very understanding and helpful; we even briefly discussed some Catholic theological literature that would be good for me to meditate on (rather than just simply read, as I often did as a Protestant).
But, here’s the thing… I’m not quite sure that I was being fully genuine in heart during this Confession. Certainly I didn’t feel opposed to what I was saying, but neither did I feel very passionate about much of it either. And I do feel utterly passionately about Christ and the Church in general. The Confession went quite well as far as what I said, and how the priest responded; and (after all) he did absolve me of all my sins in the name of God. However, I’m concerned that my inner-feelings (or lack thereof) at the time may have somehow nullified this absolution. As Gal 6:7 states, “Be not deceived, God is not mocked.”
I’m aware that it’s probably gravely sinful to even doubt the effect of absolution, but I am worried nevertheless. Should I repeat these very-same sins at my next confession (a re-attempt, if you will), or explain my general concern? Or simply pray in private and move on? No doubt: I was worried the moment I left the stall, and prayed as earnestly as I could in the pews, and stayed for the Mass, and received the Host with hope. But some guilt and uncertainty remained throughout, and still does to some extent (though it fluctuates; I trust in the Lord that He loves me regardless).
Am I underestimating how absolution works? Knowing that I’m forgiven would take the weight of the world off my shoulders, but I really need to know. I love God, and so the last thing I would want to do is offend him with a halfhearted confession, especially being the first one since childhood.
Thanks for reading, and, again, God bless.
I’m a former Catholic-turned-agnostic-turned-unofficial/superficial-Protestant (takes breath), who has recently been drawn back home to the One True Church - by what I feel is the unmistakable, overwhelmingly wonderful grace of God. (I’m 28 years old, for the record).
A few days ago, I wrote down that list to take with me to Confession; I wrote it with total heart and sincerity. I had no fears, except of not being able to go soon enough; I could hardly wait to confess and be forgiven.
On my day of Reconciliation (which was today, incidentally), I deliberately skipped breakfast, got annoyed by some bad weather and delayed public transport, and so felt I was running against the clock. I really wanted to make this Confession.
So, eventually, when I made it to the confessional stall, I was still somewhat irritated by the weather and delayed transport (even though I was well ahead of time before Mass) - in other words, not exactly the appropriate state of mind and heart to be in for Confession.
I “read” my list, and rushed it a little with the good intention of not keeping the priest too long (I know this was probably a non-issue, esp. considering my long-absence from the Church) - but my reading was fairly flat, I think. I elaborated honestly, though, and answered all of the priest’s questions as best, honestly and reverently as I could. He was very understanding and helpful; we even briefly discussed some Catholic theological literature that would be good for me to meditate on (rather than just simply read, as I often did as a Protestant).
But, here’s the thing… I’m not quite sure that I was being fully genuine in heart during this Confession. Certainly I didn’t feel opposed to what I was saying, but neither did I feel very passionate about much of it either. And I do feel utterly passionately about Christ and the Church in general. The Confession went quite well as far as what I said, and how the priest responded; and (after all) he did absolve me of all my sins in the name of God. However, I’m concerned that my inner-feelings (or lack thereof) at the time may have somehow nullified this absolution. As Gal 6:7 states, “Be not deceived, God is not mocked.”
I’m aware that it’s probably gravely sinful to even doubt the effect of absolution, but I am worried nevertheless. Should I repeat these very-same sins at my next confession (a re-attempt, if you will), or explain my general concern? Or simply pray in private and move on? No doubt: I was worried the moment I left the stall, and prayed as earnestly as I could in the pews, and stayed for the Mass, and received the Host with hope. But some guilt and uncertainty remained throughout, and still does to some extent (though it fluctuates; I trust in the Lord that He loves me regardless).
Am I underestimating how absolution works? Knowing that I’m forgiven would take the weight of the world off my shoulders, but I really need to know. I love God, and so the last thing I would want to do is offend him with a halfhearted confession, especially being the first one since childhood.
Thanks for reading, and, again, God bless.
. I’m just trying to get my head around how Reconciliation works (at least insofar that it’s possible for the finite mind to comprehend). Maybe I’m still hanging onto Protestant ideas of salvation subconsciously.