Enabling (not): Need Examples w/ Christ from Bible:

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smokey888x2

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I was wondering if there are any examples where Christ demonstrated ‘not enabling’ someone? Often in the real life someone will come across a relative who is constantly in some sort of crisis and the only answer is for everyone to back off and stop ‘enabling’ this person; or another way of saying this is, ‘stop helping this person to continue in this life style’. Also, and equally important, is that those who do the ‘enabling’ (help) are doing it under the guise of ‘doing the christian thing’ and when confronted about it, they respond that, “well, it seems like the christian thing to do”. I know the whole term of “enable” is some times difficult to actually understand. However, it’s not rocket science psycho-analytical mush; it’s really very simple: It’s giving aid to someone who merely ends up just using it, only to fail again. It’s very much the same as giving a drug addict a hundred dollors. We attempt to reason they need food but the person recieving it, ends up buying drugs or some other repetitive act that just never works. This might be staying married to a drug addict who beats them, and/or just constantly losing your job – combined with alchol problems and more. Repeating this over and over. The problem here isn’t money, the problem is the person keeps getting bailed out of their problem only to repeat it over and over.

What would help this person would be what is sometimes referred to as ‘tough love’ or ‘don’t enable them’. What happens is that when this relative once again gets fired, gets drunk, gets beat up in front of the kids or any of a dozen other combinations … when this happens, we ‘don’t bail them out’. Doesn’t seem Christ-like does it. But what does need to happen is that the person needs to take charge of their life and change. This can’t happen if “we” keep bailing them out! When we bail them out, they come to expect that “net”. They will say to themselves, “they will rescue me, so I don’t have grow out of this” … I don’t have to change" … the Christians will once again, erect the “net” I need.

But is this the “Christian” thing to do? Christ went around and helped a lot of people, all the time, everytime, didn’t he? Then if He did that, I should too?

But did Christ ever practice ‘not enabling’ someone in the bible? Was it ever written about by any of the Apostles?

The reason why I ask is because when we have sometimes attempted to explain this, others see it as ‘giving help’ and they can’t understand that someone ‘down on the luck’ again, is better off with ‘no help’; they can’t see that this would be ‘christ-like’ and they eventually ask about: “well can you show me where Christ did this?” Because so much of what he did was ‘help’ but did he ever practice ‘not enabling’ someone? Thanks
 
Jesus was in the unique position that he could help people by ELEMINATING their problems. A blind beggar? He cured the blindness. A demon-possessed kid? He expelled the demon.

I don’t think that Jesus was ever confronted with a problem that He could not simply eleminate. So I’m not sure such an example exists.

But, of course, there is no example of “enabling” in Our Lord’s behavior, either. So someone who thinks that this is being Christ-like cannot cite such an example, either.
 
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DavidFilmer:
But, of course, there is no example of “enabling” in Our Lord’s behavior, either. So someone who thinks that this is being Christ-like cannot cite such an example, either.
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Could you explain this part more, I need more information. Thanks
 
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smokey888x2:
Could you explain this part more, I need more information. Thanks
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Where does Jesus ever encounter a drunkard and simply give him money to buy more drink? Where does He confront a woman abused by her husband and council her to put up with this behavior?

Never. Jesus does not “enable” anyone to continue in their destructive ways.
 
Dear smokey888x2,

quote: smokey888x2
The reason why I ask is because when we have sometimes attempted to explain this, others see it as ‘giving help’ and they can’t understand that someone ‘down on the luck’ again, is better off with ‘no help’; they can’t see that this would be ‘christ-like’ and they eventually ask about: “well can you show me where Christ did this?” Because so much of what he did was ‘help’ but did he ever practice ‘not enabling’ someone? Thanks
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That is a question full of insight, I think.

I’m going to think about it, over the course of the day,
and see if I can respond to your concern, adequately,
O.K.?

Again, it’s an excellent question,

reen12
 
Jesus went right to the heart of each person’s problem and attacked root causes: first sin, then the disorder. His converstation with the Samaritan woman is a great example. He told her what was wrong with her life and he told her the solution. He gave her the choice to act or not to act. The same with the woman taken in adultery. First he intervened to save her life, told her what to do, and gave her the freedom to do it–sin no more.

Jesus described “the Christian thing to do” in different terms than most people use it today. Unless you love Me, he said, more than parents, children, family, money, job everything you hold dear you cannot follow me. that means human relationships and human consolations cannot replace the Cross. Most people who undertake so-called “Christian” acts like giving money to drunks, covering up for misdeeds by friends, and other enabling behavior do so to increase their own personal comfort level, make themselves feel good, relieve themselves of real responsibility for the person’s condition. This is opposed to Christ’s teaching.

Jesus also told the disciples to bring the good news to every town, but where they were rejected to leave and brush the dust of that place from their feet.
 
Hi, smokey888x2,

Well, I’ve given your question some thought, and I can’t
think of one example where Jesus chose to enable
an individual…that is, to relieve them of responsibility
for their own behavior, by assisting them in continuing
that behavior.

The only New Testament verse that I could think of,
was in the epistle of St. James, where he says:
if you refuse to work, you don’t eat [assuming the
person was capable of working.] Now there’s
refusing to “enable.” 🙂

Maybe Jesus saying: Those who have ears to hear,
listen to Me, would somehow apply to your question.

Which would be the opposite of “in one ear and out
the other” that those who are used to being “enabled”
sometimes display.

My experience has been that one who wishes to be
enabled simply moves on to the next person, if I
refuse to enable. What’s needed is a change of
heart, and that come only with God’s grace, I think.

Just some thoughts,

reen12
 
These aren’t really enabling/not enabling, but they might be examples:

When Jesus is before Herod, Herod wants to see a miracle. Herod asks Jesus many questions, but Jesus refuses to answer. He will not enable Herod to continue to gain cheap pleasure at the expense of miracle workers but rather refuses to indulge Herod’s ‘addiction’ to wondrous signs. (Luke 23:6-12)

Jesus tells his disciples to wipe the dust from a town off of their feet if that town does not receive them, not to keep going back to give the town more and more chances to repent. (Luke 10:11)
 
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DavidFilmer:
Where does Jesus ever encounter a drunkard and simply give him money to buy more drink? Where does He confront a woman abused by her husband and council her to put up with this behavior?

Never. Jesus does not “enable” anyone to continue in their destructive ways.
Click to expand...
Your reading my statement wrong. I’m not suggesting that Christ was an enabler. I’m wanting to know if he ever encountered anyone and employed the practice so that person wouldn’t be enabled. I merely ‘used’ popular times when it’s used, “like” a drunkard or an abused women. I’m wondering if he ever employed ‘tough love’, I’m not suggesting, I’m wanting examples. That word ‘enable’ is really difficult to use, ya know it. It can trip you up real quick.
 
I can’t find the quote but how about this:

You know that quote about:

'would you give your child a rock when what they wanted was bread … would you give your child a snake when they want water…

I know that’s not exactly the quote but I know it’s there. In other words, Would you take the hard route, … tough love

Am I on it? Anyone know the quote?

And how about 'in the temple, when he cleaned out the place, that was also tough love but I don’t know where that one is either.
 
I understand your point, smokey888x2.

How about this thought:

To love someone [the virture of charity] means to
wish their good, in this world, and in the hereafter.

Christ wants us to “be as children” in terms of
our relationship with God, but to put away the things
of a child, when we are grown.

“Enabling” a person allows them to remain in a state
of child-ish, not child-like, behavior, which is neither
good for them here, or in the hereafter.

reen12
 
Mat: 7

**9 ****Which one of you would hand his son a stone when he asks for a loaf of bread, 5 ****10 ****or a snake when he asks for a fish? ****11 **If you then, who are wicked, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give good things to those who ask him.

In other words, would you hand your son a stone – something he doesn’t want in order to not enable him, or not help him out again or even better to cease supporting his negative actions; if in fact, his past actions were one failure after another or if he was involved in a life style that just wasn’t ‘clearly’ good for him. When continuing to help him was only to continue to support a clearly negative lifestyle.

Supporting him/her again, after many attempts is not helping. Often these people have wonderful excuses, they have children (this one is complicated), or their uncle died, so they had to go to his funeral and got fired again (because they had probably missed work before because of drugs or alcholic problems). I know of one example where one young (but 40+) man was bailed out of jail to attend his grandmothers funeral which he did attend but immediately was picked up for drunk driving and nearly killed others the next night. Like I said, they have and always will have wonderful excuses but you MUST just draw the line! and stop enabling them. This can also apply to someone married to a clear and strong problem but won’t change the lifestyle

One word of caution. Of course, early, you do attempt to help but start looking at the patterns – when you find these patterns you often will find that you are enabling someone. This means your part of the problem and you need to stop and become part of the solution.
 
The word of God gives us a wealth of information that should steer us away from a destructive pattern of enabling. God is by no means an enabler. He is a merciful God, a gracious God, and a wise and all knowing God that has the forsight to know when “tough love” is what is called for. He leads by example.

John 8:38 says: Now we know that God heareth not sinners: but if any man be a worshipper of God, and doeth his will, him he heareth.

In other words, God knows when to bless and when to withhold blessing. God does not reward bad behavior, and He knows when to turn a deaf ear to foolish folly. Don’t believe me? Here’s what His word says:

Isaiah 59:1-3 Behold, the Lord’s hand is not shortened, that it cannot save; neither his ear heavy that it cannot hear, but your iniquities have separated between you and your God, and your sins have hid his face from you that he will not hear. For your hands are defiled with blood and your fingers with iniquity, your lips have spoken lies, your tongue hath muttered perverseness. None calleth for justice, nor any pleadeth for the truth. They trust in vanities and speak lies; they conceive mischief and bring forth iniquity

Ouch, God’s word says that our iniquities (unconfessed habitual sins) will hide His face from us that he will not hear. Hmmmmm, does that mean that He won’t enable us. Does that mean that He won’t immediately close up shop to come riding in like the knight on a white horse in order to rescue us from our self inflicted mess. That’s what it sounds like to me. The word of God teaches that he is “married” to the backslider. He will love us to the bitter end, but part of that all consuming love involves not rewarding our bad behaviour and not being a sounding board for the unrepentant.

God desperately wants all of us to confess our sins and forsake our sins, but the entire Old Testament is repetetive in nature in that the children of Israel continually excercised the free will that God had given them, and they continually turned to idolatry and wickedness. All throughout the New Testament we see a consistant and repeated pattern.

-Obedience to God equaled blessing
-For a period of time the people would follow God and keep His law
-After a period of time the people would then stray
-God would send a prophet to warn them
-They would continue to sin and ignore his commandments
-God would then bring judgement
-Eventually they’d get their heads on straight
-They’d genuinely repent
-They’d act right
-They’d change
-God would bless them
-God never blessed bad behavior
-He always called for genuine repentance and change prior to blessing His people
 
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