T
Teflon
Guest
I married a good woman, hard working, faithful, kind, and loving. Not Catholic, but plenty of moral fiber. We married under pressure from her family earlier than we had hoped because she had a child.
Many years later, I am at the end of my rope. She is still kind, loving, and faithful, but she is no longer hard working. We have made some decisions that in retrospect weren’t so smart, taking on debt to start a business, etc… It has been hard.
What has me at my absolute limit is that some years ago my wife just quit on me. She quit working. She quit taking care of herself. She quit taking care of me. She doesnt work, she doesnt cook, she doesnt clean (much), she doesnt shop, she doesnt take care of her animals very well… She has let long term manageable health conditions degenerate to the point where she is basically an invalid at the moment, and almost died for lack of management of these issues several months ago. Sometimes she will go several days without bathing. Needless to say, intimacy is essentially over.
She says she is looking for work, she says she is following her doctor’s orders. She makes just enough effort in both directions so that she can say she is doing it, and has been doing so for years.
In the meantime, I have worked full time, and either attended school full time or run a business for many years. For the last few years, I have been the sole provider in a depressed economy where wages are horrible. I earn less now per hour than I did 20 years ago. On a slow week, I work 60 hours, on a big week I work 90 or more. I had an anxiety attack about a year ago because I was working 80 hours plus continuously for over a year, and just couldn’t take it. Since then, I have slowed down to about 60 consistently… but I have no idea how I have kept us out of bankruptcy… Which of course is not even an option because it would put her family assets at risk…
So here I am with a sick wife who wont work when she is well, broke, broken, stressed out, rapidly deteriorating health of my own due to overwork and stress… Down to one car with bald tires, living in a house I cant afford so that my wife can keep her belongings and animals, 40 miles from my cruddy job(s)… She spends her days surfing the internet and dreaming of making it big in a hobby business, which has provided no useful income of any kind in the 2 years she has been spending our resources on it… and blaming her unhappiness on me…
I don’t want a divorce. And there is no way that I am just going to walk out when she is on her back… but honestly, the only future I see for myself is more of the same, and this is completely intolerable… Talking doesnt help. In fact it just makes it worse.
The way I see it, I have one or a combination of several options.
Many years later, I am at the end of my rope. She is still kind, loving, and faithful, but she is no longer hard working. We have made some decisions that in retrospect weren’t so smart, taking on debt to start a business, etc… It has been hard.
What has me at my absolute limit is that some years ago my wife just quit on me. She quit working. She quit taking care of herself. She quit taking care of me. She doesnt work, she doesnt cook, she doesnt clean (much), she doesnt shop, she doesnt take care of her animals very well… She has let long term manageable health conditions degenerate to the point where she is basically an invalid at the moment, and almost died for lack of management of these issues several months ago. Sometimes she will go several days without bathing. Needless to say, intimacy is essentially over.
She says she is looking for work, she says she is following her doctor’s orders. She makes just enough effort in both directions so that she can say she is doing it, and has been doing so for years.
In the meantime, I have worked full time, and either attended school full time or run a business for many years. For the last few years, I have been the sole provider in a depressed economy where wages are horrible. I earn less now per hour than I did 20 years ago. On a slow week, I work 60 hours, on a big week I work 90 or more. I had an anxiety attack about a year ago because I was working 80 hours plus continuously for over a year, and just couldn’t take it. Since then, I have slowed down to about 60 consistently… but I have no idea how I have kept us out of bankruptcy… Which of course is not even an option because it would put her family assets at risk…
So here I am with a sick wife who wont work when she is well, broke, broken, stressed out, rapidly deteriorating health of my own due to overwork and stress… Down to one car with bald tires, living in a house I cant afford so that my wife can keep her belongings and animals, 40 miles from my cruddy job(s)… She spends her days surfing the internet and dreaming of making it big in a hobby business, which has provided no useful income of any kind in the 2 years she has been spending our resources on it… and blaming her unhappiness on me…
I don’t want a divorce. And there is no way that I am just going to walk out when she is on her back… but honestly, the only future I see for myself is more of the same, and this is completely intolerable… Talking doesnt help. In fact it just makes it worse.
The way I see it, I have one or a combination of several options.
- find some way to by hook or by crook get her well enough to get a job with insurance, and run like heck.
- Move to a smaller place closer to work so I can redirect that money to paying off debt… Whether she likes it or not. This of course means hauling 90% of her belongings to the dump and dropping her animals at the humane society, and dealing with all the associated drama… But it also means that I eventually have a shot at a life again, and perhaps she will eventually decide to give a darn…
- Get a third job, and hope that when the stroke finally arrives, God is merciful and takes me quickly.
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