K
Katia
Guest
I need advice. My husband and I recently presented an Engaged Encounter weekend (junior couple). From past experiences at his parish, we know this priest does a DIY Mass, so it wasn’t a surprise to find much standing and kneeling eliminated, lots of words altered, and “This, and you, (senior couple) are the Body of Christ” used when presenting the Eucharist to the first couple to receive on the weekend Mass. I didn’t like it, but tolerated it, not wishing to make a fuss at Mass.
However, we had another difficulty. There is one group Q&A session for couples to ask the other couples questions they could answer (inlaws, weddings, finances, etc.). Other questions (Church teachings, NFP, etc.), we will occasionally answer or have couples come to us afterward.The elephant in the room is cohab (probably 70% of the couples are), and one person asked about the Church’s teaching. Father put it to the group first, which sometimes works, if there are well-catechized, outgoing folks in the room (I hear Jason Evert and Crystallina did a wonderful job one time with the same question…wish we’d been there
). This time, the most vocal were totally in favor of it, even saying everyone should do it.
Finally, one person asked Father what he had to say. He said that “officially,” the Church says it’s never okay, but that because couples confer that sacrament on one another, many theologians have difficulty seeing that marriage and cohab are very far apart, and therefore have a hard time condemning it, and Father seemed to go more with that view. (Most of the priests we’ve presented with take the opportunity on the weekend to lovingly educate the couples about the concept of fornication, what the Bible says, the effect of it upon their relationship, and to invite them to confession and to abstain until marriage from this point on. Some always seem receptive.) Unfortunately, the priest on this weekend gave them all exactly the rationalization they were looking for. It caught us by surprise, and not sure how to handle it at the time, we didn’t say much, but I’d like to be more prepared in the future.
I doubt going to the priest with our concerns and relevant documents would help. The EE community is split on how and whether to deal with cohab, and probably wouldn’t want to alienate one of the limited supply of priests they have. We’d most likely have to deal with it ourselves on the weekend. I hate to let all those couples (including many non-Catholics) leave with the impression that the Church okays it. Should we correct him on the spot? There’s really no other good time to address it, other than what our talks already touch on. Would it be better to get into an argument if necessary than to leave it as is? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!
However, we had another difficulty. There is one group Q&A session for couples to ask the other couples questions they could answer (inlaws, weddings, finances, etc.). Other questions (Church teachings, NFP, etc.), we will occasionally answer or have couples come to us afterward.The elephant in the room is cohab (probably 70% of the couples are), and one person asked about the Church’s teaching. Father put it to the group first, which sometimes works, if there are well-catechized, outgoing folks in the room (I hear Jason Evert and Crystallina did a wonderful job one time with the same question…wish we’d been there
). This time, the most vocal were totally in favor of it, even saying everyone should do it.Finally, one person asked Father what he had to say. He said that “officially,” the Church says it’s never okay, but that because couples confer that sacrament on one another, many theologians have difficulty seeing that marriage and cohab are very far apart, and therefore have a hard time condemning it, and Father seemed to go more with that view. (Most of the priests we’ve presented with take the opportunity on the weekend to lovingly educate the couples about the concept of fornication, what the Bible says, the effect of it upon their relationship, and to invite them to confession and to abstain until marriage from this point on. Some always seem receptive.) Unfortunately, the priest on this weekend gave them all exactly the rationalization they were looking for. It caught us by surprise, and not sure how to handle it at the time, we didn’t say much, but I’d like to be more prepared in the future.
I doubt going to the priest with our concerns and relevant documents would help. The EE community is split on how and whether to deal with cohab, and probably wouldn’t want to alienate one of the limited supply of priests they have. We’d most likely have to deal with it ourselves on the weekend. I hate to let all those couples (including many non-Catholics) leave with the impression that the Church okays it. Should we correct him on the spot? There’s really no other good time to address it, other than what our talks already touch on. Would it be better to get into an argument if necessary than to leave it as is? Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!
is your commitment to the weekend and to the couples.