Engaged! Now How to Plan the Mass Music

[siena_avila]

Hello, everyone! Last week my boyfriend proposed!

We are engaged to be married sometime next summer and very happy. :extrahappy:

Now, while many girls and women dream of their dress, the look of the reception, first dance song…I’ve dreamt about the music at the wedding Mass. If I’d gotten to church too early, I’d thumb through the various hymnals and make notes on whatever I had in my purse to remember the music. I’ve snagged worship aids from various Masses and have a folder of programs (yes, really). I’ve half-jokingly told my fiance that if I were to go Bridezilla over anything, it’d be the music.

I believe beautiful music contributes to the sacredness of the Mass and can elevate people’s experiences of the Mass. Good singing (from a full choir) and instrumentation can be signs that reveal the beauty of the consecration. My sister said something really sad: no one will remember the Mass, but will remember if the food and cake was good/bad, and if they had a good time at the reception. I personally think that has more to do with people used to lackluster liturgies.

My dream is to have a choir of nuns (I’ve worked with them and have a great relationship even after moving), my friend (a soprano at my former parish), and my future sister-in-law (classically trained and cantor-trained) sing at the upcoming wedding Mass. My family is not a singing family, and several of my friends are not even Catholic, so it’s not like the guests will participate in that special way.

Here’s the problem: the cantor at our parish is, well, not great. Even my guy admits she’s had some poor quality singing here and there. When we met with our celebrant and he mentioned the choir loft and it being Cantor’s domain, I excitedly told him about my wish to involve my singing friends, who are very happy to gift us with their talents. He again re-iterated that we’d have to talk to Cantor, because the loft is her domain.

To put it bluntly, I do not want her cantoring. At all. She can sing, but my ideal is that the other voices mask over the sometimes cringe-inducing errors in pitch or key she’s prone to.

But of course I want to be charitable and respectful. As an employed liturgical singer, she obviously has experience and knows how to plan liturgical music. But how can I best approach her about a) inviting other singers b) try to get around her voice being the focal point and c) present her with our selections which involve arrangements and setting’s she’s never used, and hymns that come from everywhere but the limited insert at the back of our missalette? I also don’t just want to cave to be “nice”–I do have some knowledge about liturgical music and hope to work with her to plan a beautiful liturgy.

Thanks in advance for any advice you can give.

 

[pianistclare]

Hello, everyone! Last week my boyfriend proposed!

We are engaged to be married sometime next summer and very happy. :extrahappy:

Now, while many girls and women dream of their dress, the look of the reception, first dance song…I’ve dreamt about the music at the wedding Mass. If I’d gotten to church too early, I’d thumb through the various hymnals and make notes on whatever I had in my purse to remember the music. I’ve snagged worship aids from various Masses and have a folder of programs (yes, really). I’ve half-jokingly told my fiance that if I were to go Bridezilla over anything, it’d be the music.

I believe beautiful music contributes to the sacredness of the Mass and can elevate people’s experiences of the Mass. Good singing (from a full choir) and instrumentation can be signs that reveal the beauty of the consecration. My sister said something really sad: no one will remember the Mass, but will remember if the food and cake was good/bad, and if they had a good time at the reception. I personally think that has more to do with people used to lackluster liturgies.

My dream is to have a choir of nuns (I’ve worked with them and have a great relationship even after moving), my friend (a soprano at my former parish), and my future sister-in-law (classically trained and cantor-trained) sing at the upcoming wedding Mass. My family is not a singing family, and several of my friends are not even Catholic, so it’s not like the guests will participate in that special way.

Here’s the problem: the cantor at our parish is, well, not great. Even my guy admits she’s had some poor quality singing here and there. When we met with our celebrant and he mentioned the choir loft and it being Cantor’s domain, I excitedly told him about my wish to involve my singing friends, who are very happy to gift us with their talents. He again re-iterated that we’d have to talk to Cantor, because the loft is her domain.

To put it bluntly, I do not want her cantoring. At all. She can sing, but my ideal is that the other voices mask over the sometimes cringe-inducing errors in pitch or key she’s prone to.

But of course I want to be charitable and respectful. As an employed liturgical singer, she obviously has experience and knows how to plan liturgical music. But how can I best approach her about a) inviting other singers b) try to get around her voice being the focal point and c) present her with our selections which involve arrangements and setting’s she’s never used, and hymns that come from everywhere but the limited insert at the back of our missalette? I also don’t just want to cave to be “nice”–I do have some knowledge about liturgical music and hope to work with her to plan a beautiful liturgy.

Thanks in advance for any advice you can give.

Is the cantor and the Director of Music the same person?
I think I know what your pastor is getting at. At many of the parishes where I have worked, the Director is the Primary Musician. People can use others, but they have to PAY the primary Musician even if they don’t use them. This is how the church 1) gets around paying for the wedding music themselves, and 2) encourages the people to only have approved music, because you can’t believe what brides ask for .
You undoubtedly, since you have the good sisters as personal friends, will select proper music. I would suggest that you pay the Cantor’s fee, and inform the Pastor that you will be bringing your own musicians, and supply him the a COMPLETE listing of the music to be used. He has full right to veto anything.
But really, he cannot force you to have someone sing at your wedding that you do no want. Be prepared for him to say “no” anyway, and find an alternative parish for the wedding. Which would be a shame, but pastors have their rules, and brides have their wishes. Sometimes they come together in peace. and sometimes one or both dig in their heels. Try to see it from his perspective, and try to figure out why he feels the way he does. Likely she has been there through the lean times, often singing for funerals with no compensation, at the drop of a hat, and he feels a strong loyalty to her. That’s great.
But if you come with a list, composers, (possible recordings of the music) and a roster of persons who will be singing, he may soften to your viewpoint.
All the best for a lovely wedding.
I know how you feel. A lousy cantor can really take away from the liturgy, which is why so many people would rather not have one at all, rather than a bad one.
Peace.

 

[Joe_5859]

For my wedding, one of my wife’s friends had a degree in music and we had lots of friends who sang in various choirs (though none sang at the parish we were married in), so we did the same type of thing. I don’t recall meeting any resistance, though.

I think PianistClare is correct, though. The priest will understandably want to be respectful of the person who contributes her time and talents (however limited ) week in and week out. There are also a lot of “Bridezillas” out there who make demands and do not recognize that not everything they want is appropriate for the nuptial liturgy. This obviously does not apply to you, but it would explain why the parish may have certain policies.

As for how to approach her, if it were me, I would try to be forthright about my desires without insulting her abilities. I’d probably lead early on with the “choir of nuns” piece of information. I would think that would at least set her mind at ease that you are not trying to bring in a group of professional musicians to sing a bunch of pop songs that are not suitable for Mass.

But a lot will depend on her and you won’t necessarily know until after you talk to her. You never can tell how someone will react. Some people can get very territorial about these things (unfortunately). Pray to the Holy Spirit to guide your conversation.