Engaged to an agnostic /atheist

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Tessa30

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I’m engaged to an agnostic/atheist. He’s caring and loving, he helped me from my trauma of my past marriage where I was mentally and physically abused (I endured marital rapes for more than a decade). Now I’ve been growing more spiritually in Catholicism and I want to stop committing mortal sins like sex and taking pills and this could end my relationship. I know what God will say, I’m super sad about it bc we have been working on this relationship so hard to meet in the middle to bridge our differences, and most of the times, he would come to my middle.

Idk what to do.
 
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‘In his pride the wicked man does not seek Him; in all his schemes there is no God.’ - Psalm 10:4
It is blunt but true.
 
Tessa30 said:
I’m engaged to an agnostic/atheist. He’s caring and loving, he helped me from my trauma of my past marriage where I was mentally and physically abused (I endured marital rapes for more than a decade). Now I’ve been growing more spiritually in Catholicism and I want to stop committing mortal sins like sex and taking pills and this could end my relationship. I know what God will say, I’m super sad about it bc we have been working on this relationship so hard to meet in the middle to bridge our differences, and most of the times, he would come to my middle.

Idk what to do.
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I’d talk it through with him. Nobody here knows your situation better than he does.
 
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Hello and welcome to the forums,

This is a ball tossed in the air and it can be anyone’s catch (guess). Personally the way I see it if you are becoming more and more in tune with your faith and you are seeing the beauty of God’s love and mercy you have to do either of the following. You would be justified in all of it because God gives us free will.
  1. This man may or may not convert. It’s really hard to say. You can pray for him, pray a constant vigil of prayer for his conversion. It’s something you have to place in God’s hands. and if God’s gives him numerous graces and opportunities to cooperate with his grace and he still doesn’t change his ways then it’s a sad reality that he can’t be saved
  2. Keep in mind the ultimate goal of marriage; to build a family. If you bring children into the world it is your sole responsibility and you bear the sole responsibility for your children’s souls. That means baptism, confirmation, possibly catholic school, and Communion and teaching them the dogmas and teachings of the Church and taking them to mass every Sunday. Your fiance as the father should exercise his role given to him by his Creator. With kids both parents must be in on enriching their children’s faith and belief in God. It would be not only difficult but it can present your children temptations and occasions to stray and god forbid walk away from the faith. You have to discern if this is a cross you want to carry.
Going back to 1. There have been saints that married or were married to pagans and non believers and ultimately converted. Let that be your motivation. Pray the rosary and invoke the Blessed Mother with a sincere heart to touch his heart. A practicing Catholic marrying someone that is an atheist isnt the end of the world but ultimately you a relationship should be both parties striving for Heaven; Our Eternal home and endgoal and if the other isn’t helping us get to Heaven maybe they arent in our lives to be a significant other but rather a blessing in disguise and a close confident. The Father works in such mysterious ways and it’s up to us to figure our his language sometimes. God bless you.
 
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OP, I’d say the most serious talk you have with him is about children. As a Catholic, you are mandated to raise the children in the faith…not just kinda, sorta but completely. Make this as clear as you can and have him think it over in a serious manner. He may or may not ever convert but he has to be completely willing to allow the children to be raised as Catholics. Only if you don’t care to do this would he have any say in it.

Holidays and you keeping fasts and other requirements aren’t as hard to deal with…but children can make or break a marriage between any two conflicting faiths…and atheism definitely conflicts with Catholicism. Have this conversation as soon as possible…it can definitely be a deal breaker for either of you!.
 
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You should talk with him rather than asking a bunch of forum strangers.
 
Pray to our Blessed Mother every day and ask her to intercede for you both.

If you haven’t become familiar with the rosary there are many online. She will help to bring you to Son in the sacraments which we all need so badly.

A talk with a priest can help also.
 
If your first marriage was not annulled, you are not free to marry.

The deeper you get into Catholicism the easier it will be for you to understand why premarital sex and taking pills are wrong. And as you understand more, you will see how different you and your boyfriend see things since he does not believe what you believe.
 
If he ends the relationship on the basis that you want to stop sinning and want to be married before engaging in sex, then it wasn’t meant to be. Why not talk to him though? He may want to be in it for the long haul.
 
Pray for him. I will pray for him as well. God may use you as an instrument to introduce him to Christ. 1 Thessalonians 5:16-18 “ Rejoice always, pray without ceasing, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you.”

I hope this is a situation in which he is brought to salvation and Truth through Christ and your relationship may be saved as well.

However, if his heart is hardened to God, and if you are forced to chose between him and Jesus, chose Jesus. And take no more part in evil activities.

Ephesians 5:11 says “ Have nothing to do with the fruitless deeds of darkness, but rather expose them.” And 2 Corinthians 6:14 says “Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness?”

God will take care of you in ways that no one else can, if this man is not right for you, God will always be enough. Whether He wants you to focus more on your relationship with Him or if He has provided you with a healthy romantic relationship, He is all we need. I can somewhat understand a one-hundredth of the hardship of your situation, I have ended a relationship because they did not share my faith in Christ as well. God bless you and him.
 
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Welcome. Prayers for your healing!

Before you begin, yes stop having sex outside of marriage. This one is a deal killer. If your boyfriend/fiancee will not respect your faith, then, that tells you everything you need to know. Wish him well and end the relationship. As you have been sexually involved, it will be difficult to cut off all ties, but, do it anyway.

If he does agree to this respect and chaste relationship, you need to know if you are even free to marry. In some places you talk to your priest, in others you speak to the Diocese Tribunal (you can find yours online with Google).

If you are not free to marry, then you may ask the Tribunal to review your first marriage to determine if it was valid.

If it was valid, you end the relationship, stop dating and live your life without romantic partner until your valid spouse dies.

Should the first marriage be found invalid (assuming your boyfriend has no prior marriages to be investigated), you would then do some counseling. Your priest or someone designated at your parish can help facilitate these discussions, taking the Church’s compatibility test would be a good first step.

Understand that you need to be 100% good with living with this man, raising children with him, exactly as he is today. That he will not ever change one bit in his politics, religious views, lifestyle choices.
 
Thank you for your encouragement and prayers. He moved from Germany with his son to my country (we were about 11,000 km apart back then). Also, there’s a little part of me that wants to bring him back to Lord. I believe He loves everyone the same and He’s sad to see us turning away from Him. Idk, maybe I’m too naive and/or arrogant, thinking that I could (try to) save his and his son’s souls? I wonder.
 
Ya, he doesn’t mind that I raise my children and his in Catholicism. If not, it would be a limit for me. Since he doesn’t mind…

One of the reasons why my first marriage was broken, among other things, was even their father was a Catholic, he didn’t practice it. He even didn’t care of raising the kids in Catholicism. So…
 
My advice is don’t marry him with the expectation or hope that you can change him. If you can’t take him how he is now, then don’t marry him.

Talk to him. Tell him what you’re thinking and let him tell you what he’s thinking. Hopefully you can work out a compromise.
 
I did of course. But there’s a purpose for having this forum for us all: prayer and mental supports. I think you agree 🙂
 
I’ve been praying rosary everyday and Novena to Sacred Heart of Jesus. I hope God listens.
 
It’s still on the process. This pandemic made it postponed. #sigh
Ya basically what you said was true
 
Yes! Yes! I’m with you!

I don’t agree that we should avoid them. Somehow I believe, that it’s our job to spread the Good News. So I’ve been trying to speak about God again slowly. But yes, if at the end I have to choose, I choose God’s love <3
 
Thank you for your feedback. No he wasn’t married back then.
Please pray for me, so that God shows me the right way to go. Amen!
 
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