Enjoy Mass together or separate

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bobdarlacook

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Our “Cry Room” is misused (in my opinion- and that’s a different debate). In its current state it does not help me. It’s noisy, has loud toys, adults and kids milling about…and even with the speaker system maximized it’s hard to hear, difficult to concentrate and impossible for me to enjoy the Mass. My wife can somehow tune a lot of the background noise out, but I can’t. I feel like I’m watching EWTN on a TV at a sports bar during the super bowl.

Our 4 yr old attends “Wee Worship” so he’s out of the equation. So it’s my wife and our 10 and 1 yr old at Mass. My problem is we have tried several things so we can all enjoy the Mass as a family, but usually my wife senses my disgust in the cry room and urges me to go out and enjoy the Mass alone (a contradiction to me). Sometimes my wife will take the baby to the 8:00a where the cry room is less populated (and she often naps at that hour anyway) and I take the 10 yr old to 10:00a. Sometimes the 10 yr old will watch the baby in the cry room but I’m not comfortable depriving her of the Mass. The few times we all sit together outside the cry room seems to be when the baby is fussiest and we have to leave anyway.

Anyone else struggling with this or have another solution. I don’t believe changing the use of the cry room to meet my expectations is an option but if anyone has had luck with that I would want to learn how you accomplished it.
 
My husband and our 3 children finally attend Mass together as a family (for about a year now). We attended separate Masses as the kids were growing as my husband could not handle the cry room and/or our children fussing in Mass. In order to keep peace and have my husband keep going to Mass on a regular basis, I agreed to the separate Mass thing. Once we began to go together as a family, we attended an earlier less crowded Mass and sat in the back. Now, with the children 11, 9, and 5, we sit in the front and enjoy Mass peaceably together. I looked at it as a sacrifice on my part (after much fussing and fighting about it first:)).

Hope this helps.
Giannawannabe
 
My husband and I attend different masses but mostly because of our other involvement in the Church. He is part of the choir and sings at the 9AM mass with one child. I teach religious ed at that time so I go to the next mass at 11AM with the other (since he is in religious ed). When we can we go to Mass together. But until that is a regular happening, I feel that we are role models of just not attending mass, but serving the Church.

In my opinion, it is a personal obligation to attend Church first. Then, if and when possible, do this as a family unit.
 
We were able to go to Mass as a family more often when our children were younger actually. As they get older and have more commitments (our little one sings in the junior choir and our older daughter plays trumpet for the Teen Mass, and they are both Altar Servers) we are not always able to attend together. In fact last Sunday, the priest asked the married “couples” to stand for a special blessing, and I was left sitting alone:o . If you enjoy going as a family, go for it. Personally, I love seeing the babies at mass and watching them grow up through the years.
 
My wife ,myself and six kids find it best to attend 7:30 a.m.Mass It seems the later we go the harder it is to get everybody focused on getting ready to go.Also when behavior and participation are good we all go out for breakfast,otherwise Dad cooks
 
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Giannawannabe:
My husband and our 3 children finally attend Mass together as a family (for about a year now). We attended separate Masses as the kids were growing as my husband could not handle the cry room and/or our children fussing in Mass. In order to keep peace and have my husband keep going to Mass on a regular basis, I agreed to the separate Mass thing. Once we began to go together as a family, we attended an earlier less crowded Mass and sat in the back. Now, with the children 11, 9, and 5, we sit in the front and enjoy Mass peaceably together… Giannawannabe
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Ditto–we have kids the same age as the above and enjoy mass as a family now that we are not wrestling a toddler or fussy baby anymore. All I can say is bless you for using the cry room. Our parish doesn’t have one and if there’s anything more annoying than your own kid acting up during the homily…it’s someone else’s–esp. when the parents wait it out instead of removing the caterwauling offender.

Before anyone takes me to task for being uncharitable or intolerant…we did the split shift for years to avoid disrupting everyone else’s mass experience. It is so terribly distracting for people who aren’t used to being around small children to block out their fussing and crying. It isn’t always easy…but it is the only considerate thing to do when you have a child too young to control his/her outbursts.
 
I’ve been criticized alot for doing the split shift thing…but ya know what?
I do it anyway.

When one of my little ones acts up - the other 2 little ones take that as a sign to act up.
I have sprinted down the aisle after a racing toddler in the middle of mass (and I mean SPRINT)

I have apologized to the people in front of me for getting pelted in the head by my toddlers

When they are all in good moods - well rested and well fed (a rare occasion as one in particular eats like a bird) ALL AT THE SAME TIME!!
We go as a family - and if we’re lucky we’re still sitting together after the homily.

I say…do what you have to do. This too shall pass.
 
Dear Bobdarlacook - I have the same problem as you! I feel that the cry area is more used as a romper room as opposed to a practice area to get into the “real” part of the church. But I agree, that’s a whole other story. My husband and I have decided to split up during Mass, one of us stays in the cry room with our two year old on alternating weeks, while the other spouse sits inside with the older two. I feel that this way, my 5 and 7 year old can actually listen and the attending adult can relay the information afterwards. We came to this conclusion upon leaving Mass one day, both of us having NO idea what was in the Homily. Very sad, feeling like we just went through the motions, we decided it would be the best for our family. I’m sure some people will disagree for various reasons, many saying you should be able to control your kids, but by the same token the same people would complain about an occasional outburst. I have also heard from some friends that they have stopped going to church entirely. Not sure what the logic is there, but we know that it’s not the right answer. I wish you the best of luck - before you know it your precious angels will be able to behave in church (I’m still waiting for mine!)
 
I would prefer to put our babies in the Sunday day care but my wife prefers all of us together. I’ve learned from my older boys (now 14, 15 and 16) that it definitely does get better (around age 5-6 in our experience) our parish has 100’s to 1000 young families. We do not have a cry room in our 5 year old church. Instead we have a rather large gathering area with windows into the sanctuary and speakers so young families can sit on folding chairs and listen while we chase our kids around. I know it will get better for all of us, hang in there! Always remember that God understands!!
 
It would be nice to have a cry room in our church. There is none. I have made the “walk of shame” more times than I can count with my 3yr old, 20 mo old, and 2 mo old. I sit in front so they can see what’s happening and I can explain to them what’s happening. When they need attention, we go to the confessional room or the bathroom. It’s not forever, it will pass, your children will grow, and you will be able to listen in Mass as a family in the future. Don’t worry, enjoy the Mass outside the cry room with whomever is left of your family.
 
I have children aged 3, 10, and 11. We’ve been going to church regularly for a year now. For a good 6 months, either my husband or myself would end up in the cry room (almost always right around the homily). I wouldn’t feel bad about splitting up, or going to seperate masses. Don’t worry about it. It’s a struggle and we all have to find ways to deal with it. But it will pass. We are now able to sit together, our 3 yo is usually quiet enough-sometimes he talks quietly though. Sometimes he tries to follow along, and sings “Hallelujah”…that’s really cute.
 
Oh how I can relate!!! Just this weekend, I left mass in tears because of this.

My husband and 15 month old daughter and I attend mass together, and we usually head right for the cry room so we can all sit together. (We used to start out sitting in back of the church, but by the gospel reading, I’d be taking a fussy toddler back to the cry room while my husband sat in church alone. We don’t like the feeling of being separated during mass.) But, our cry room is sorely misused and mistaken for a free-for-all play room that it sounds like many of yours are as well.

I left in tears this weekend because I couldn’t hear a single thing! I was miserable because I felt like I didn’t even go to mass. I try to remember that I still received Jesus in the eucharist, and He knows I am trying, but it just seems so futile!
 
Well, I hope I won’t get crucified for saying this, but: Our parish does not have a cry room, and it has never seemed to be much of a problem.

We always sat up front with our little ones – We found it much better for them to be able to see and be attentive than to be hidden in the back where boredom could set in. (This became so ingrained I find it difficult to get them to sit anywhere else today) Sitting up front also meant that any "outbursts’ were heard more by the sanctuary than the congregation, and Father likes to hear babies – He knows they don’t come to Mass by themselves. Maybe ten years intervening since the terrible-2’s have dimmed my memory, but I can recall having to take a child out of the Mass exactly once for each child.

:twocents:
tee
 
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tee_eff_em:
We always sat up front with our little ones – We found it much better for them to be able to see and be attentive than to be hidden in the back where boredom could set in.
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Ya know, I’ve thought about doing this the last couple weekends. I just haven’t had the guts to do it. I’m afraid, that she’ll start to “act up” and then I’ll have to walk her out with other parishoners thinking “why did you have to sit up front with a little one? don’t you know any better?” But I do think that it would be much more “entertaining” for her to be able to see what was going on. And I like that then I could explain each thing to her.

I may just have to get up the courage and try it this weekend! 🙂
 
Our parish is addressing the “disruptive children” issue at mass. Our cry-room is intended for nursing mother’s and a place to care/discipline disruptive children. Is not a place to attend mass as a family.

To address this issue, our parish is distributing a handout with ideas of what to do with children who may not behave. I haven’t read it yet, so I do not know any specifics.

In our case, we have only taken our children to the cry room for a stern reminder that one behaves in church, or to let them let our their anger. Sometimes we don’t make it to the cry room since there is even more distraction there. We never let the children “play” in the cry room. It is a type of time out, and not relief from being in the church.

In the pew, we let the children play with a few items, a rosary, some catholic children s’ books, my daughter has some Marian cards with pictures, etc. I found that during Mass, I can distract them by pointing out what is going on. “Oh, look! Where’s Fr. Greg taking the book? What is he going to read? Look! A family is bringing up the gifts!” Come to think of it, this may be why my children like to “play Mass”. My son constantly carries a “candle”, cross or book over his head around the house.

My daughter is now four and much better. Our goal now is for her to pay attention to the Eucharistic prayer by kneeling, observing the consecration and reciting the Lord’s Prayer.
 
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bobdarlacook:
Our “Cry Room” is misused (in my opinion- and that’s a different debate). In its current state it does not help me. It’s noisy, has loud toys, adults and kids milling about…and even with the speaker system maximized it’s hard to hear, difficult to concentrate and impossible for me to enjoy the Mass. My wife can somehow tune a lot of the background noise out, but I can’t. I feel like I’m watching EWTN on a TV at a sports bar during the super bowl.
it.
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DD was attend OL Victory in State College when a new pastor came and “reorganized” the cry room. Instead of a playground it became a place where parents could sit comforably with the little ones, even nurse if necessary using chairs in the back, teach them how to behave gradually at their age level, no more rowdy toys and food, but a place where they could learn gradually to sit still, watch, listen and learn. Much improved over our previous visits.

This sounds like a pastoral problem that should be addressed with all the parents involved and the pastor and liturgy committee. Childrens liturgy of the Word or Wee Wordship for pre-schoolers, kinder and primary is excellent way for kids to learn. This will not happen without parent involvement to the degree that couples assist once every 2-3 months.

After first communion children should take their place with the full assembly as adults. this is not going to happen if they have not been taught the Mass properly, what is going on, our responses and actions and postures.
 
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