Evangelizing Family Members

[MelissaMarie]

Hi all! I would like some advice on how to handle a sensitive topic–discussing religion with family members.

My husband and I have very good relationships with his parents, and see each other and talk often. My husband converted to Catholicism about 3 years ago, before we were married, and they were very supportive. Right now, they do not belong to any particular denomination, and I don’t believe either of them were raised in any particular denomination, but both have attended Protestant services for periods of time but I am not sure of the denomination.

I do know that my mother-in-law felt she had a motherly responsibility to teach her kids about Christianity, so when they were very small, she registered in the nearest parish to their home, a Protestant church that had a title something like “First Congregational Church” or something like that. She and the three kids were baptized, attended services, and the kids went to Sunday school. I know that my father-in-law was not baptized at this time, but I’m not sure if he has ever been baptized–I’ve never asked.

When the kids were older (about middle school/high school age), there were some changes in the leadership of the church and she became discouraged about the faith because of the un-Christian like behavior of the pastors. She decided that she had “fulfilled her responsibility” (not sure if this is the right way to put it) and that the kids were now old enough to decide for themselves about their faith. She stopped attending, and needless to say, the kids also gradually stopped attending.

My husbands older brother does not attend any church services, and I think he may be leaning towards atheist/agnostic beliefs. My husbands younger sister attends a large non-denominational church with her fiance that she joined primarily because a lot of her friends at school went to the church. It’s one of those huge-mega-churches. I’m glad she is attending services, and I think her faith is important to her, but she doesn’t seem really serious about it. For example, she doesn’t think twice about missing services on Sunday. My husbands parents also don’t attend services, and they have told us that they think that all you really have to do is try to live the best life you can and be a good person, and that “religion” isn’t really important. I do have to say that the whole family is very moral in behavior, and overall a good solid, virtuous family. They’re great people.

Sorry this is getting so long winded, but my husband and I both love being Catholic, and our faith is very important to us. Religion has only come up a handful of times in the years I’ve known the family, and they always seem uncomfortable in talking about it. They feel that it’s really a personal decision, and that others shouldn’t be nosy or judgmental about what they do or not do in their own privacy (i.e., reading the bible, praying, what they believe).

I guess the main question I have is how much of a responsibility do we have to try to evangelize our family members? I’m not sure how to bring it up in conversation without making them feel uncomfortable or defensive–the last thing I want to do is start preaching about Catholicism to someone who isn’t ready to hear it or feels threatened or that I’m condemning them, because that isn’t our goal. We just want them to see how beautiful and truthful the Catholic faith is, and have a chance to decide for themselves. How do you handle a situation like this? Do you wait for them to bring it up? (Which might be never, or years from now, or dare I say, too late?) Or do we bring it up? If so, how?

 

[La_Chiara]

You are wise to be careful–for all the reasons you indicate. People do take offense at overt evangelization because they feel criticized (that they are “wrong”), that they are being judged and found wanting, and that they are viewed as not holy enough. Catholics generally are not as overt as other Christian denominations at evangelizing. We don’t knock at doors, or have mandatory “missionary” work for young people. But that does not mean that we are not called to evangelize our faith. I suspect you and your family are already evangelizing–by living your Catholic faith and explaining things (such as sacraments) as they come up. A great Catholic (Bishop Sheehan, perhaps) called us to preach our faith “and when necessary use words”. (This is a very rough paraphrase. I know someone knows the exact quote.)

 

[dhgray]

MelissaMarie:

I guess the main question I have is how much of a responsibility do we have to try to evangelize our family members? I’m not sure how to bring it up in conversation without making them feel uncomfortable or defensive–the last thing I want to do is start preaching about Catholicism to someone who isn’t ready to hear it or feels threatened or that I’m condemning them, because that isn’t our goal. We just want them to see how beautiful and truthful the Catholic faith is, and have a chance to decide for themselves. How do you handle a situation like this? Do you wait for them to bring it up? (Which might be never, or years from now, or dare I say, too late?) Or do we bring it up? If so, how?

I can speak as the only Catholic among my siblings. I evangalize through my actions towards them. It is not my job to convert them, that’s God’s job, my job is to be a good Catholic wittness. They all know I’m a Catholic, I show them the faith by the way I live my life.

 

[legeorge]

dhgray:

I can speak as the only Catholic among my siblings. I evangalize through my actions towards them. It is not my job to convert them, that’s God’s job, my job is to be a good Catholic wittness. They all know I’m a Catholic, I show them the faith by the way I live my life.

I agree. Your first tool of evangelization is example. Live a good, catholic life. Let your joy show. When subjects come up, just answer them truthfully and knowledgeably. Sometimes, when talking about the news or social issues, you could interject with “Our priest was just talking about that on Sunday” or something like that without making the whole conversation about religion. Then you could talk about the issue from a christian perspective. But I think that subtle things work best in these situations.

 

[LSK]

I also agree with dhgray - my pastor told me that the best way to evangelize to my family was to keep a good, honest Catholic home, to not shy away from talking about myself in terms of my faith and to not allow them to be disrespectful of my faith or the Holy Mother Church, but to fully live as an obedient daughter of the Church no matter what…and that can be difficult. Not so much because of them, but because of ME - I can get impatient (please affect the reconversion of my family, Oh Lord - RIGHT THIS MINUTE) and not be the best example of a Catholic Christian!