Ever encounter this problem with fellow Christians?

[yesukristus]

I serve at various ministries at my local parish. I found that many of the people serving with me (all Catholics) do not welcome me as much as I think they should (ya I know judging judging ). I mean they’re not including me in their lives outside the ministry. What conversation I have with them seems superficial. Maybe the onus is on me to make friends with them. But it’s not easy for me (i get easily disinterested, plus lack in experience in making friends). Their attitude certainly does not make it easier.
Not all of them are like this though, just the ones around my age (i’m 27) in the more work-oriented ministries.
P.S. What’s more, no one ever bothered to ask me to volunteer for anything. I’ve heard many stories about people being asked to become altar servers, etc. I had to volunteer for almost everything. Not that there’s anything wrong with volunteering, but it would be nice to know i’m acknowledged as part of a community. Don’t get me wrong- i’m not saying my serving in the various ministries are primarily because i want more friends or more acknowledgment. But it would be nice though… sigh…

 

[Trishie]

I wonder what they’d say about you? Probably your shyness and inexperience doesn’t make it easy for them! Their perception of you may be similar as they can’t intuit your good will and your wishes. It’s a fair bet that they’re busy with their young lives, establishing their work, starting young families, working on relationships, hurrying off for some hard-earned Sunday leisure.
I was a very shy person, but I learned to approach others and to respond to them with warmth, empathy, and enthusiasm. It took time, but it makes all the difference in personal relationships even with acquaintances.
The following are just a couple of the prayers I wrote seeking ways to love my brothers and sisters of this world

Loving others
God, through Your Spirit, please let me respond to others with Your sensitivity and compassion.
Help me to listen, so that I hear both what is spoken and what it conceals of others’ needs.

Help me to recognise others’ unique personality and value. Help me to present to others the gift of themselves as You create and perceive them, so that they may come to see themselves in beautiful, humble trust, as cherished gifts of Your love.

I do not wish to curtail Your blessings to others through doubt, insensitivity or selfishness. Please grant others all the graces and support that You require for them. Despite my infidelities let me be Your love, blessing and response made sacramentally present to everyone in my life, whether I understand or not!

I cannot fathom Your vision of my life and theirs, but although my heart is sometimes bleak, I honour Your love and wisdom. Please mercifully complete what You have begun, granting us grace to submit, trustingly, contritely and joyfully to Your loving creative will. In all my prayers, contacts and dealings let Your Spirit speak and respond in me to You. Thank You, God who loves us all.

Prayer for understanding of others
Jesus, please open us to receive each other with love, so that we no longer betray God’s Love that re-creates us in each moment of life. Reveal to us our sins against charity, and heal us of fears and prejudices that lead to judgement of others.

How easily even the generous Christian reduces others to categories, judging them with unconscious pride and lack of empathy! How carelessly, with convincing appraisal and bias, we dismiss others in their seeming sin, error or foolishness. How often we misjudge them in their difficulties and achievements, and underestimate their intrinsic worth as persons!

Jesus, please forgive us that we presume to deal uncharitably with anyone! Each person is Your own creation lovingly spoken out of Yourself in the private language of love chosen for each alone! No matter how different from one’s own character or journey, the path and meaning of each person is treasured mystery hidden within You!

Let us share in Your love for others, rejoicing in Your image within them whether evident or not. Let us reverence our dissimilarity and their individuality. Let us be respectful and discreet in our helpfulness. Have mercy on our prayer and goodwill for them, so that we may love them with Your Love. Jesus, I am so sorry for the times I fail to love others wisely and respectfully.

 

[Trishie]

Loneliness and relationship
Jesus, Scripture tells us, “It is not good that man should be alone.” [Genesis 2:8] Yet loneliness affects many people even in company because they feel unable to trust in their value to others. They often feel rejected and unloved, and have little self-esteem.

Humans hope for companionship that is reciprocal and happy, with love that affirms our individuality and value. We seek in others the gift of ourselves forgiven and accepted in all our faults. We also secretly desire others’ recognition of our hidden beauty.

We cannot receive such a gift unless we can also give to others the gift of themselves accepted by love that is aware, not blind.

Express Your love in our relationships as we seek to live in gospel community, not as isolated individuals. For only where individuals and communities are willing to love and to minister to others, do we find in each other the nourishing power of Christ’s presence.

Therefore, let the lonely and hurt understand their need to welcome others in charity in however small or great means open to them, rather than to remain trapped in isolation or self-pity.
However if they remain isolated, we offer You their pain, united with the atoning loneliness of Your own earthly exile in reparation for all sins against compassion, against friendship, justice and unity.

Jesus let us gently bring Your love to the lonely, to all persons who hunger for love and companionship. “God gives the lonely a permanent home.” [Psalm 68:6]

I do know how you feel though and understand. Take care of yourself Bless you, Trishie

 

[Salonika]

yesukristus:

I serve at various ministries at my local parish. I found that many of the people serving with me (all Catholics) do not welcome me as much as I think they should … Maybe the onus is on me to make friends with them. But it’s not easy for me (i get easily disinterested, plus lack in experience in making friends). Their attitude certainly does not make it easier.

P.S. What’s more, no one ever bothered to ask me to volunteer for anything … I had to volunteer for almost everything. Not that there’s anything wrong with volunteering, but it would be nice to know I’m acknowledged as part of a community.

No I don’t think the onus is on you to make friends as becoming friends takes two. That said, however we need to be open to becoming friends but sometimes those of us who are shy and find it difficult to initiate conversations put people off as we came comes across as stand offish or not seeking friendship.

Maybe we all (people new to a parish and newcomers) need to brush up on some conversation starters - ones that do not ask “why” as this can be threatening. Also check people’s body language, this can give clues whether someone is seeking contact or not.

Also people already in a church (or any other organisation) need to keep in mind that some people need encouragement to volunteer, or may need more information about what a task involvesbefore doing so. Others may feel that they shouldn’t ask new people to come on rosters etc as soon as they arrive as this may put them off. Some people may not volunteer when they are new as they think people will think them pushy.

I hope that you soon begin making some friends among your fellow parishioners.

 

[BarbaraTherese]

I serve at various ministries at my local parish. I found that many of the people serving with me (all Catholics) do not welcome me as much as I think they should (ya I know judging judging ).

Hello Yesukristus…I was comforted by reading your Post as in reading it, suddenly I did not feel so terribly alone - others have similar experience to me - you!..and I remain confident probably many do.

I mean they’re not including me in their lives outside the ministry. What conversation I have with them seems superficial. Maybe the onus is on me to make friends with them. But it’s not easy for me (i get easily disinterested, plus lack in experience in making friends). Their attitude certainly does not make it easier.

I have been in this parish over 27 years now and prior to going back to school (I’m 63yrs and on an Adult Campus here in Sth. Aust.) was a daily Mass attender. But my parish has always shied away from me, found it difficult to converse with me as they know I suffer a mental illness: Bipolar Disorder. Actually I have come to feel very sorry for them in their discomfort and awkwardness when around me…I can almost feel their desire to move away and so I asually give very polite reasons to move away myself to relieve them of all this discomfort etc.
Be that as it may, it hurts…and I feel alienated from my own parish. Prior to onset of Bipolar I was not only active in my then parish, but on diocesan level to a much lesser degree also. With the onset of Bipolar and at first being a very ill woman - no one wanted to know me in the parish or diocese any more. This does go back around probably 35 years ago now or so.

Not all of them are like this though, just the ones around my age (i’m 27) in the more work-oriented ministries.

Mine is right across the board in the parish. Some, I can tell, really try to make an effort to converse with me…but I can tell they feel very uncomfortable. I really do feel for them and so politely and without making it obvious relieve them of the burden by moving away myself. But it does hurt…once too it triggered an aweful lot of anger in me…mentally I forgave them but my emotional self was very angry indeed. Actually I never expected that over time this anger would become pity and compassion. I make phone calls to the parish for some ordinary matter asking a question and I never get a call back. Once I plucked up the courage and made an appointment with our then pp to talk to him about it. I arrived early and was waiting outside the parish house. Father walked out and said “Sorry, I have to leave”…I was totally struck dumb. Nowadays we don’t have a full time pp (we once had four) for the two huge parishes now twinned due the priest shortage…and I know our part time pp who is also a Catholic University lecturer is overloaded to the max in workload and duties - plus he has the responsibility for the formation of our twinned parishes, with many parishioners up in arms…so I spare him my problems. I can’t understand why many parishioners are so upset although we have lost daily Mass altogether, only Eucharistic Services…and also Eucharistic Adoration. Father lives a long way from the parish…and our poor Archbishop must be very concerned as our priest shortage worsens. In fact, we have been advised that at some future point we will probably loose our weekly Sunday Mass…Sunday Mass will only be perhaps twice monthly or so, if even that.

P.S. What’s more, no one ever bothered to ask me to volunteer for anything. I’ve heard many stories about people being asked to become altar servers, etc. I had to volunteer for almost everything. Not that there’s anything wrong with volunteering, but it would be nice to know i’m acknowledged as part of a community.

I have volunteered over and over again for tasks that need to be done, volunteers are asked for, and for tasks that are simple, but must be done in the parish. I fill out forms offering to volunteer and I make phone calls offering to volunteer…I never get a reply.

Don’t get me wrong- i’m not saying my serving in the various ministries are primarily because i want more friends or more acknowledgment. But it would be nice though… sigh…

I feel totally alienated in my parish and have learnt personally to be happy that I can get to Mass and The Sacraments…and I remain hopeful, for one never knows what is around the next corner, that somehow I will have a breakthrough and my parish will discover I don’t have two heads and am just a very ordinary person in every way, who happens to suffer an illness.

God bless you and may He grant you a major breakthrough in your parish…we can never know what is round the next corner and God’s Plan for our lives.
Blessings and my regards…sail safely with The Lord and take care, always trusting Him implicitly no matter what - regardless…Barb

“All is well
All is well
…and all manner of things will be well” (St. Julian of Norwich)

 

[puzzleannie]

I serve at various ministries at my local parish. I found that many of the people serving with me (all Catholics) do not welcome me as much as I think they should (ya I know judging judging ). I mean they’re not including me in their lives outside the ministry. What conversation I have with them seems superficial…

I have been in church work as a volunteer for over 30 years, and as a paid parish staff member for 10, and can count on the fingers of one hand parishioners I met in the course of this work who became personal friends with whom we socialize in non-Church non-ministry contexts.

the invitations I receive for involvement in their lives consists almost solely of invitations to landmarks such as weddings, first communion parties, birthdays, which I routinely decline since I get so many and cannot attend all, so attend none.

we do have personal friendships that have evolved with some of these people (I can think of 6 lasting friendships) but they came about the same way friendships usually do, shared interests, initiative in communication and maintaining contact, mutual help i times of need, but the shared ministry and prayer has definitely been a bond.

I think you, and all your fellow parishioners, have been asked many times to volunteer for various activitie, but in a broad pulpit or bulletin announcement. I grant you not as satisfactory (or effective) as a personal invitation, but an invitation nonetheless.