Ex-Priest Friend

[Cap123]

Hi,
I would like to share this with you and hear your opinions on this issue that I’ve been having.
I’m a practicing Catholic currently going to university. I met a class mate a few months ago and we have a great friendship… It may sound weird but I really like to know who I’m hanging out with. After a few weeks of talking to this person he mentioned to me that he worked for the Catholic church and that he was Catholic but he avoided many questions related to the church. I decided to spend some time doing some research about him and after a few minutes I found out that he was a priest for many years (saw photos, church bulletins with his name, etc). I thought that this was wonderful and I don’t want to know why he left priesthood but every time we talk about church I can see that he knows a lot but he pretends to know “just enough”. I asked him how do you know so much and he says that he likes to read… but I know he is a priest!
Here is the issue, I don’t really care why he left priesthood but I feel like I can’t really move forward with this friendship knowing that he is not being honest to me.
What do you think?

 

[Cruciferi]

Etiquette dictates that we shouldn’t pry. Therefore, don’t be nosy. He’s not obligated to discuss the past.

 

[Lou2U]

If he wanted you to know, he would have told you. Don’t ask, it isn’t your business.

 

[MaryEstelle2]

What do you mean “You can’t move forward with him?” What are you expecting from him? MYOB. What do want, a confession
of his past. The fact that he avoids the issues the best he can means he is in pain and doesn’t want to talk about. How about we all look YOU up and dig into your private affairs? Really!

 

[DeniseNY]

Not being honest with you? He’s under no obligation to disclose something so personal.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I’m presuming you’re a guy and this isn’t a dating situation. Therefore, the man’s status regarding his priesthood, why he left, if he left etc is none of your business.
If he wanted you to know, he would tell you.

Keep in mind that not everybody leaves the priesthood voluntarily - he may have gotten in some trouble and been suspended or laicized, now trying to make a fresh start. Even if he did leave voluntarily, this is often a very difficult, emotional decision for a man to make, especially when he was a priest for a long time.

If you can’t be friends with this man without needing to know all about his past and his priesthood situation, then find a different friend. I myself don’t think being friendly with someone entitles them to know my entire private life history. If I were seriously dating them, it might be another matter as that’s a different level of intimacy and in that situation you would need to know things like whether the person is free to marry, were they accused of a felony, etc.

 

[angel12]

I feel like I can’t really move forward with this friendship knowing that he is not being honest to me.
What do you think?

I wonder if you require everyone to reveal all their secrets to you, as a condition of your friendship? Do you Google everyone to see if there’s something they haven’t told you?

 

[Tis_Bearself]

I think this case shows that in today’s culture, some people are so used to all the sharing and oversharing that goes on especially through social media, that they just don’t “get” that personal boundaries still exist.

 

[Mary888]

If I were your friend I wouldn’t mind if you just went and asked me and told me you looked me up on the internet, rather than you worrying and fretting behind my back. He may get angry or not but true friends don’t suspect each other. It depends on how serious you want this friendship to be.

 

[jvickers]

I think that sounds like a contingent, somewhat unfair friendship, personally. Everyone has something in their past. Is it their obligation to disclose everything to someone they are friends with? There are things I am sure my wife has not told me. I don’t consider it hiding things from me. Somethings, in fact, are best left unsaid. You like the person for who are they are at that point in time, I would think.

 

[Joe_5859]

Here is the issue, I don’t really care why he left priesthood but I feel like I can’t really move forward with this friendship knowing that he is not being honest to me.

I don’t think his failure to disclose his past as a priest means that he’s not being honest with you. We don’t disclose everything about ourselves to everyone. It doesn’t mean we are being dishonest.

Something like that is very personal, and—I imagine—not easy to talk about. We cannot force people to open up to us on our own desired timetable. Maybe he’ll open up to you about it eventually as the friendship grows. Maybe he’ll never get to that point. But it doesn’t have anything to do with his level of honesty. He’s being discreet, not dishonest.