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Well… considering it is after midnight, I guess it was a year ago yesterday
My dad and I had our differences. When I was a teenager we were worse than a cat and a dog. As I became an adult things got better (for which I am grateful) but I still feel guilty for some of the cruel things I said and did to him. I never meant to hurt him, I just felt he was not behaving reasonable to me and it was the only way I knew of protecting myself
And it just baffles me. I never though I would say this, but loosing my dad was the first time I could ever see the beauty in death and how people actually go on to the next life. I know my dad is in heaven because I did a plenary indulgence for him. And I also got to see how merciful God can be. My best friend was on his death bed in the hospital for a year and when my dad died, all I wanted to do was go to the hospital because I knew my friend could comfort me. And when I got there, this 94 year old frail man had the twinkle in his eye that always comforted me. And I am SO grateful to God for taking my dad first. It was the bigger lost and I needed my best friend to be there for me. Loosing my friend hurt but not as much as loosing my dad
And then at other times, I just don’t get what God is doing. It baffles me how there are times in my life that God does more for me than I ever would have though of asking for and at other times He seems to not listen to a word I say.
I have been feeling a bit weird because as much as I miss my dad and I can tell by my behaviour, I am not quite myself, I still have the drive to go on with life. 10 years ago, I would be sure than on every anniversary of my dad’s death I would be in bed all day crying. Anytime a friend’s mom or dad died, I would lock myself in a room and cry. Now I kind of understand why they never quite understood my reaction
So that is my ramble.
CM
My dad and I had our differences. When I was a teenager we were worse than a cat and a dog. As I became an adult things got better (for which I am grateful) but I still feel guilty for some of the cruel things I said and did to him. I never meant to hurt him, I just felt he was not behaving reasonable to me and it was the only way I knew of protecting myself
And it just baffles me. I never though I would say this, but loosing my dad was the first time I could ever see the beauty in death and how people actually go on to the next life. I know my dad is in heaven because I did a plenary indulgence for him. And I also got to see how merciful God can be. My best friend was on his death bed in the hospital for a year and when my dad died, all I wanted to do was go to the hospital because I knew my friend could comfort me. And when I got there, this 94 year old frail man had the twinkle in his eye that always comforted me. And I am SO grateful to God for taking my dad first. It was the bigger lost and I needed my best friend to be there for me. Loosing my friend hurt but not as much as loosing my dad
And then at other times, I just don’t get what God is doing. It baffles me how there are times in my life that God does more for me than I ever would have though of asking for and at other times He seems to not listen to a word I say.
I have been feeling a bit weird because as much as I miss my dad and I can tell by my behaviour, I am not quite myself, I still have the drive to go on with life. 10 years ago, I would be sure than on every anniversary of my dad’s death I would be in bed all day crying. Anytime a friend’s mom or dad died, I would lock myself in a room and cry. Now I kind of understand why they never quite understood my reaction
So that is my ramble.
CM