Examination of Conscience -- Past Suicidal Attempt

[CatholicWife1]

I feel uncomfortable opening up about this, but I would very much appreciate a different perspective on a matter in my life. Please try to be compassionate in your responses.

Several years ago, I was suicidal after I experienced traumatic abuse from a parent who brought the rest of the family into an argument to beat up on me. I have a long history of depression, so I was already prone to suicidal ideation. To summarize it quickly, I was screamed at, lied about, cursed out and it seemed everyone in the family was contemptuous of me. All of their accusations were unfounded, and I was so enmeshed with the parent who led this argument that I snapped under all the pressure and said I was going to end my life. I understand that this could be seen as manipulation, however, I was seriously wanting to end my life so the pain would stop and wanted to give my family a chance to stop me if they cared about me. I know the logic is messed up, but I was severely depressed, anxious and at that point completely hopeless. In the end, I didn’t end my life, though I was seriously considering it and even went to the location where I was going to do it.

I am going to confession today. So, here is my question: How do I discern if this needs confessing? If I didn’t sin mortally, I would prefer not to bring it up since it also brings up so many uncomfortable emotions. And, since I didn’t go through with the suicide, does that mean I didn’t sin mortally? I feel so conflicted about this and would appreciate a different perspective on the matter. Thank you, and God bless you all.

Also, please know that I am very healthy now, and have not been suicidal for several years since I ended contact with my family for the sake of my mental health.

 

[QwertyGirl]

It doesn’t sound like it meets the qualifiers for mortal sin designation. Therefore, you don’t need to bring it up.

God knows your heart. I am glad you are doing better now. There is no need to re-visit something like this in any situation, as long as it has been properly dealt with already. It sounds like it has been.

 

[1ke]

In a state of depression you had thoughts. You didn’t “attempt” suicide. You thought about it. As many depressed people do at one time or another.

There isn’t anything to confess.

 

[Viki63]

A sin is something you do. Since you didn’t do anything, there is no sin.
God bless.

 

[Irishmom2]

What would she confess? That she thought about something?

I agree with the others that there is nothing to confess.

 

[Legend]

It doesn’t sound like a mortal sin, but It is obviously still bothering you. Try and get some help. You can tell your priest, and he can recommend someone. He can also give you all the info on what is and isn’t sin.

 

[Retsel]

I can’t answer your question but will say; Why not talk to your priest about the whole situation/experience.

I’m sure the trauma of such a dysfunctional family still weighs heavily on you, and most likely will for the rest of your life.

It’s time to start understanding and forgiving.

Which is the only true path to freedom, salvation and joy.

A friend.

 

[CatholicWife1]

I agree with you. In the past my husband reached out to a past parish priest and he agreed that we were right to go no contact with my family. You are right in saying that forgiveness is the path to joy. While I will never be happy about the situation, I have found a certain joy in offering up the suffering I experience for my family member’s conversion of heart. I figure that instead of just sitting in my pain, I can offer it up so that God can maybe use it to somehow soften their hearts. I have found a bittersweet joy in this. I don’t wish any of my family ill will. I hope they make it to heaven so we can have a happy family in the afterlife.

And I’m not sure if I am ready to open up about it to a priest face to face. I tried to open up about it to several friends in the past but they were oddly judgmental which made me less comfortable opening up to those who are not mental health providers.

 

[Legend]

There are some people who don’t understand that sometimes families must have long separations, even indefinite ones, in order to heal. You have reached the point where you think that you may never reconcile.

It may or may not turn out that way. But, as you have a family of your own now, they must come first. And, if you only inspire contempt, lying, cursing, etc. you may be honoring your family in the only way you can…by removing yourself. Many people get stuck on the ‘honor your parents’ commandment that they never figure out what is the most ‘honorable’.

I wish you the very best. God Bless!

 

[Elf01]

A sin is something you do.

In my thoughts, and in my words, in what I have done, and what I have failed to do.

I was going to go against the prevailing advice, but I think depression may mean it’s not a sin.

However, it won’t do any harm and you don’t need to say any more than seriously considering suicide.

 

[Ammi]

Whether or not CatholicWife1 did or did not sin has nothing to do with it only being a thought.

Thoughts can definitely constitute sin.

CatholicWife1, I am not saying I believe you committed mortal sin. So just know that I am sorry for all this hardship you e gone through.

As for suicidal thoughts. Remember to love Life, even if you hate your own, and those around you.

Jesus said it’s even necessary to hate our own lives. But to love Jesus, and His life in us, is to have hope that overcomes despair and self condemnation.

1 John 3
By this we shall know that we are of the truth, and reassure our hearts before him whenever our hearts condemn us; for God is greater than our hearts, and he knows everything.