Excellent quotes from cans/bottles/labels (and other warnings)

[DisorientingSneeze]

Have you read any quality “literature” off a can or label lately? I submit this:

“Regular consumption of More Cowbell may cause you to stop fearing the reaper; put your pants on one leg at a time; make gold records; skin a raccoon and wear it as a hat; wrastle bears; grow a beard; buy a plaid shirt; start a land war in Asia; pick a fight with a warlock; build a school for ants; think of childhood friends and the dreams you had; clear the savannah after every meal; and roll in Shabbos.” -More Cowbell American Double IPA

 

[DisorientingSneeze]

“Do not ask for whom the cowbell tolls, it tolls for thee.” -More Cowbell American Double IPA

 

[DisorientingSneeze]

“Known side-effects of More Cowbell include but are not limited to: Jibba-Jabba, over-confidence in joke telling, and an inability to control the volume of one’s voice.” -More Cowbell American Double IPA

 

[Irishmom2]

My daughter bought a tee shirt from a company founded and run by veterans. The tag had washing instructions that said something to the effect “wash with the tears of terrorists.”

 

[BartholomewB]

In a London supermarket a few years back, I chose this wine because of the brand name:
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[UpUpAndAway]

I once bought some animal repellent for gardening use, and its label warned me not to spray it on the animals Poor critters!

 

[Rob2]

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[dochawk]

My favourite is when you buy an iron, and the warning states: do not iron clothes whilst wearing them.

The top warning of all time has to be “do not look back into laser with remaining eye”, although the swedish(?) chainsaw warning not to stop blade with your crotch must have an “interesting” tale behind it . . .

I once got clothes back from a dry cleaner with a warning that the ink used to print the warnings was toxic–but no other warnings!

And my father’s reaction when wine & others in California starts bearing the warnings that pregnant women shouldn’t drink them: “Shouldn’t the warning be that wine can cause pregnancy?” :crazy_face:

hawk