Excessive Christmas Gifts

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Magster

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Does anyone have a good idea on how to nudge the extended family into dropping the tradition of giving everyone a gift at Christmas time? In the past I suggested that all the adults should place their name in a hat and we could each pick a name and buy just for that person. That is what we do in my family, but my husband’s family thought I was the Grinch!

It’s really getting ridiculous. We buy not only for my husband’s five adult neices and nephews (2 of whom are married and one of whom is engaged, one lives in a half million dollar mini-manision, and two have children of their own), but also for his two siblings, the spouses of all these people and now the grand-neices and grand-nephews whom we rarely see.

These people want for nothing, and I get sick to my stomach opening pen and pencil sets and knick-knacks for which I have no use. I am also running out of room in which to store (hide) them and I can’t find a charily to take them off my hands. I even suggested that instead of buying me gifts, the money be donated to a charity, but the junk keeps coming!

Any ideas how to (charitably) make it stop?
 
My family and I have the same problem. Everyone is expected to buy for everyone else. My husband’s family is the same way. But a couple of years ago we just told people we weren’t buying for everyone. We said we couldn’t afford it and we were only buying our children and for our parents, but no extended family. We just couldn’t afford it and we didn’t see the sense in buying for people we hardly saw, and who were far better off than we are. And we didn’t care if people gave us gifts, either. We hoped our family would understand, and for the most part they did.

Perhaps you could make something, like cookies or something like that, for your extended family. Or, just tell them you’re not buying for everyone so don’t have everyone buy for you. I know it’s hard, but if you explain that you just can’t do it this year, hopefully they’ll understand. And if they think you’re a Grinch, then that’s really not that bad because the Grinch finally learned what the real meaning of Christmas is-and it isn’t all the gifts. It sounds to me like they’re being Grinches instead of you.

Scout :tiphat:
 
Since both my husband and I come from large families we just send a $25 dollar gift basket of assorted foods and candy from HFs. to each family. Cuts down considerably…
Now on the otherhand…I’m a “Bad Gift Giving Granny”:tsktsk: … and I’m desperately in need of repentance…😛
Annunciata:)
 
I am going to take a wild guiess here that YOU (for the most part) are doing all of this holiday gift buying.
This year tell your husband the shopping is up to him.
I am about 80% sure after a year or two of this he will side with you on this issue. :hmmm:
 
Since you’ve tried the direct approach and been rewarded with the moniker of “Grinch,” how about a lovely tree ornament for everyone? You can buy everyone’s gift at the same place (if you’re really good you’ll do it at the day-after-Christmas sales for the following year) can buy something of good quality for a reasonable amount, can ship it inexpensively and it reminds your family of your thoughtfulness every year when they pull out their ornaments to decorate the tree. This way you are giving something that will last to everyone without breaking the bank or wasting hours at the malls.
 
Island Oak:
Since you’ve tried the direct approach and been rewarded with the moniker of “Grinch,” how about a lovely tree ornament for everyone? You can buy everyone’s gift at the same place (if you’re really good you’ll do it at the day-after-Christmas sales for the following year) can buy something of good quality for a reasonable amount, can ship it inexpensively and it reminds your family of your thoughtfulness every year when they pull out their ornaments to decorate the tree. This way you are giving something that will last to everyone without breaking the bank or wasting hours at the malls.
Click to expand...
I like that idea!
 
Not much advice here but I do love the ornaments and cookies idea. I can try to explain why you’re running into a wall. Christmas for many is stepped in family tradition. I will admit I’m one that despises changes to “the way it’s always been done” when it comes to holidays like Christmas and Thanksgiving.

I have a only my parents on myside that I do Christmas with. (My sister passed away when I was 13 and all other relatives are out of state or out of the country.) I developed my own extended family with my 2 best friends from when we were 12. (we’re now 32). Every year we’ve gather for Christmas to exchange presents at my parents house as kids, and at my house as adults. We’ve since married and had children and now include the children in own Christmas party.

We’ve also extended our circle to 2 other close friends we’ve developed over the years. One friend is very diffrent from the rest of us and loves change. She changes her house around, repaints, recarpets, get’s new furniture, trades in cars on a regular basis ect. She very creative, energetic and livens up our quiet little group.

Well this year she proposed we do something different for Christmas.:eek: I am usually a very easy going, compromising person. But I found myself absolutely digging my heels in on this one. I just couldn’t do it. I thought I’ve never insisted on things being done my way that I can remeber when it came to our group before, but while we having this conversation I felt like I was going to cry. (Yes I know, very mature.) Well we are having our regular gathering at my house where we’ll be exchanging presents. This friend agreed but I know she’s not thrilled. I feel bad, but not bad enough to change the way we’ve done things for 20 years.

Sorry… I guess I’m just a traditionalist when it comes to Christmas.🙂

ps. I do sympathize on the knick-knack thing though. It’s my mother in laws (whom I love dearly) gift of choice. My dad (bless him) will buy anything that’s on sale so we’ve gotten some interesting gifts from him before. My father in law misses the whole point of Christmas by telling you if he doesn’t like your gift, and says you can return it. (He’s actually re-gifted stuff back to us that we’ve given to him!) And for some reason he feels the need to get my husband a new watch every year.

Once a year I box up stuff and donate to the a local charity thrift store. Some stuff like body lotion type things I’ve regifted in easter baskets for needy families at our church.
 
I like the idea of similar or same simple gifts.

I recently bought Discount Movie Tickets with my AAA card online.

They come out to about $6 each (after shipping)
{You can get these without shipping if you go to your local AAA office}

You can Buy 10 AMC Theater Tickets and/or 10 Regal Cinema Tickets. I got 30 of them in total.
:dancing:

*** Throw them into Christmas Cards for the extended family**
*** Keep them around for “emergency” and “last minute gifts” for those unexpected circumstances**
*** And if you have extras you can use them throughout the Year**

For those Special Family Members - like my Godparents - I will include a Gift Card for Olive Garden
*** - "Dinner and a Movie "*** 👍

God Bless

todd
 
Uncleauberon, that’s a great idea! Especially since movie tickets are usually so expensive. I love getting them as gifts.
 
Thanks to everyone who responded. There were some pretty good suggestions given. However, with us the issue is not the money wasted buying for these people (or that they waste buying things for us). What we are really tired of is the materialism that seems to have beaten Christmas for so many people, included in our families, into a secular holiday.

Rather than participating in the annual “greed fest”, we would prefer to attend mass as a family, have a nice meal in which we all pitched in, and had some reflection on the miracle that is the foundation of Christmas. The gift exchange, regardless of how cheaply the gifts can be purchased, just does not fit in with our vision.

I was discussing this with a friend the other day and I mentioned that my family was never really big on the gifts at Christmas. Often what was received was something that was really needed - not much was spent on things that were just wanted or just for fun. I suppose my family’s economic situation had something to do with this, but none of us ever felt shorted. (Also, prominently displayed under the Christmas tree was the nativity. My parents still put that out even though they no longer bother with a tree.) It occurred to me that when God gave us Jesus, he also gave us what we needed. I now realize my parents had the right take on the gift-giving tradition.
 
we began gradually. The first year we sent family gifts, homemade or low cost - tin of cookies or candy, nuts or food that the whole family could enjoy. the second year we sent gift cards for donation to charity - without specifying the amount. For our own kids we told them this year we are sending for the grandkids only - they are relieved to end the whole thing. Made storybook cards for each kid with a $10 bill inside.

We get handmade cards and things from the kidlets, which is worth more to me than their mom making another trip to the mall to buy and mail me something I don’t need or want. We asked each of the girls to take over contributions to one of our CFCA kids, which they are glad to do, and gave them a scrapbook of the letters we have received from our mission children. No Christmas cards - emails with a puzzle contest. Winner will get McDonalds gift certs $5 as a gag.
 
magster I feel your pain. I’ve been married 25 years and all that time HIS family has insisted on this horrible orgy of gift giving. It’s not that we cannot afford to buy gifts but I think it’s ridiculous to basically “trade checks” because we always worked off lists “Gerry wants a navy blue sweater from XXX size L…” so the only “thought” that went into it was the wrapping paper. And it’s all adults at this point making it even more uninspiring.

We tried drawing names and my MIL just HATED it. We tried a limit per person. That was a bust. I tried suggesting taking the money and donating to charity instead. Or adopting a needy family and buying THEM gifts if they had so much fun at the mall shopping (not!!) Typical “Skunk at the picnic” response from the other side. They want to open gifts on Christmas eve.

This year my husband finally said flat out we were NOT buying anything and please do NOT buy US anything. If they succumb to temptation and buy something, I guess it’s their problem. We went out to dinner as a family and we are having dinner Christmas eve. I’m going to Mass afterward and invited the rest to come although I don’t know if I’ll have any takers (all Lutherans).

When I sent out Christmas cards I put a note in each one saying that instead of gifts I took the money and donated to local charities. Hopefully we can do this again next year. I will be interested in your report Magster. People are so hidebound about this kind of thing, it’s hard to get them to change.

Lisa N (Call me the Grinch)
 
Island Oak:
Since you’ve tried the direct approach and been rewarded with the moniker of “Grinch,” how about a lovely tree ornament for everyone? You can buy everyone’s gift at the same place (if you’re really good you’ll do it at the day-after-Christmas sales for the following year) can buy something of good quality for a reasonable amount, can ship it inexpensively and it reminds your family of your thoughtfulness every year when they pull out their ornaments to decorate the tree. This way you are giving something that will last to everyone without breaking the bank or wasting hours at the malls.
Click to expand...
Great idea! We have the same problem with my husband’s family and this idea could do the trick! Thanks for sharing 😃
 
My mom is number 4 in a family of 12, and my dad is number 12 in a family of 16, so let’s just say the holidays can get prettttty crazy! (most of my dad’s family lives in Mexico, but all of my mom’s side lives or comes in for Christmas) Anyway, with over 30 kids running around and all the aunts and uncles, we always had a gift exchange, by age, like the adults and kids would be separated.
Last year, all the adults, instead of buying gifts, we (whoo-hoo, I count as an adult now!) put together big snack bags with gummy worms, coffee, etc. and we do a “white elephant” sort of thing. I know this may not sound like fun for most families, but we have never had a better time together- everyone yelling “take a chance!” and laughing like loons. (I guess you have to know our crazy family to think its funny)
Anyway, so that’s fun but most everyone insists on buying more presents, like, " :rolleyes: oh I’m going to give one to my padrinos, my first Communion padrinos, my Confirmation madrina, my quincenera padrinos, etc., oh my uncle that I write to, my cousin who likes pink, etc." It can get a little out of hand…
Even without presents, though, we have a great great time being together! 😃
 
*pro-life_teen*:
My mom is number 4 in a family of 12, and my dad is number 12 in a family of 16, so let’s just say the holidays can get prettttty crazy! (most of my dad’s family lives in Mexico, but all of my mom’s side lives or comes in for Christmas) Anyway, with over 30 kids running around and all the aunts and uncles, we always had a gift exchange, by age, like the adults and kids would be separated.
Last year, all the adults, instead of buying gifts, we (whoo-hoo, I count as an adult now!) put together big snack bags with gummy worms, coffee, etc. and we do a “white elephant” sort of thing. I know this may not sound like fun for most families, but we have never had a better time together- everyone yelling “take a chance!” and laughing like loons. (I guess you have to know our crazy family to think its funny)
Anyway, so that’s fun but most everyone insists on buying more presents, like, " :rolleyes: oh I’m going to give one to my padrinos, my first Communion padrinos, my Confirmation madrina, my quincenera padrinos, etc., oh my uncle that I write to, my cousin who likes pink, etc." It can get a little out of hand…
Even without presents, though, we have a great great time being together! 😃
Click to expand...
Ahhhhhhh … so you have Latin in your family too! Mi madre es de Puerto Rico.😃 Yes, it does get CRAZY!! Fun … but CRAZY!!:whacky:

God bless!
 
Well i come from a huge catholic family and christmas is just as big at my moms house,she has 15 children

the youngest is 6 and hes my little brother along with a group of boys a little older and i have to get them something on christmas, People tell me all the time that i shouldnt buy for all of them and neices and nephewsalond with my 7 kids it becomes quite the bill.
We have never been offerd help on it all so i start shopping in sept.
My heart cannot not give to all of them and it drives my husband nuts even to the point of arguments through out the season.
I know that its hard, but i still have to do it out of love.
A blessed holy card and a medel isnt that much money. Just dont rent your movies or something.

imfourkids@yahoo.com Cheryl
 
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uncleauberon:
I like the idea of similar or same simple gifts.

I recently bought Discount Movie Tickets with my AAA card online.

They come out to about $6 each (after shipping)
{You can get these without shipping if you go to your local AAA office}

You can Buy 10 AMC Theater Tickets and/or 10 Regal Cinema Tickets. I got 30 of them in total.
:dancing:

*** Throw them into Christmas Cards for the extended family**
*** Keep them around for “emergency” and “last minute gifts” for those unexpected circumstances**
*** And if you have extras you can use them throughout the Year**

For those Special Family Members - like my Godparents - I will include a Gift Card for Olive Garden
*** - "Dinner and a Movie "*** 👍

God Bless

todd
Click to expand...
That is a really good idea. I love it
 
We tried the name in a hat thing last year for my husbands family and ended up spending $100 more than we would have (he complained more than I did and I do the shopping although he does bring home the bacon). In addition to purchasing for very extended family, I wanted to shop for his parents and brother as well.

With seven nieces and nephews on my side, we have to keep the price tag small. Barnes and Noble has great books for curious kids for $4.95. Outlet stores have perfectly fine clothes for much less than the mall stores. I got my niece a sweater at our outlet Baby Gap for $10. I later went back and got one for my daughter.

The problem we have is Grandma and Grandpa on hubbys side bringing my kiddies something every time they visit and then they bring a bounty at Christmas time. I have had to ask them to visit without bring toys so the kids can visit with them, not the latest gadget.
 
My husband and I have had similar problems with our family in the past. It made Christmas time so stressful. We decided when our daughter was born that we wanted her to understand the true meaning of Christmas. She is two now and we have started a couple traditions that are really neat. First, we only give her three Christmas gifts. Jesus got three gifts so thats what she gets. Its a great way for us to recall the story of Christ’s birth. Second, instead of buying gifts for each other (that is the whole family) we get together and celebrate Jesus’s birthday by having a birthday party. We have a cake and each gift goes to the needy. I don’t if
your husbands family would be willing to embrace this idea, but it is a great way to remind people about the true spirit of Christmas.
 
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