Excessive Talking

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Christphr

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Many saints have written the damage and violence done by the use of words. Here are just a couple:

Beware of much speaking, for it banishes from the soul the holy thoughts and recollection with God.’
St. Dorotheus

‘Let no one offend by too loud a voice.’
St. Ambrose

‘Never forget that souls are poisoned through the ear as much as bodies through the mouth.’
St. Francis de Sales

‘But I say unto you, that every idle word that men shall speak, they shall render an account for it in the day of judgment.’
Matthew 12:36

Today more and more people talk excessively, and inappropriately. Perhaps fueled by the media, the emphasis that having lots of opinions is good, and an ever faster way of life.

What helps you to live a more serene quieter daily life?
What do you do in the workplace?
 
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Well, the specific context that comes to my mind is meetings because they easily get derailed or drag on for too long. So in meetings and similar group settings, I jot down my thoughts. Then I put the notes down so that I can actively listen to whomever is speaking. I don’t end up saying the majority of what I wrote down. It usually ends up irrelevant or redundant, i.e. already stated by somebody else. Or somebody answers my question before I even need to ask it. With excessive talking comes poor listening, so strategies like this are helpful.

For serenity, I look for small ways to detox from noise. Ideally, it means Adoration. But usually, it means driving in my car without any music or radio noise.
 
‘What good is much discussion of involved and obscure matters when our ignorance of them will not be held against us on Judgment Day? Neglect of things which are profitable and necessary and undue concern with those which are irrelevant and harmful, are great folly.’ - The Imitation of Christ
 
Christphr said:
What do you do in the workplace?
Click to expand...
I have a job now where I rarely go into an office, so most of my interaction with workmates is for work and takes place by phone or Skype or e-mail. Nobody goes on a conference call to talk about politics or whatever. Might make 2 minutes of small talk about vacation or the weather, and then down to business so we can get done.

When I did go into the workplace, if someone else’s views were abhorrent or annoying to me, I would mostly just avoid them. There were some people who also just liked to talk a lot and I actually befriended a couple of them and would hang out with them and just let them talk while saying as little as possible myself. I learned interesting things, including about how other people think and live their lives, and I would try not to add to the pile myself.

I’ve honestly never cared much about other people’s opinions unless their opinion had a direct effect on me, for example my boss’ opinion of my work that determines whether or not I keep my job or get a raise, or my spouse’s or mother’s opinion of something that I’m interested in because I loved them and wanted us all to understand each other and be happy. I rarely care about a stranger’s opinion. If his opinion comes from a wrong understanding of the facts (example: he hates the Catholic Church because he thinks the Pope tells us how to vote) I might wish to correct the facts; if I think his opinion is unfair or biased or hateful, I might tell him that too. But I’m not going to argue with him trying to get him to change his opinion, or lay awake at night fuming because Joe Schmoe has an opinion. I think a lot of people get overinvested in what others think and when I was young I fortunately met people who pretty much told me to ignore the opinions of others and think/ do what I want. I’ve had a much happier life as a result.
 
When I was younger, I would run off at the mouth when I was nervous or under stress, and usually wound up digging a nifty hole for myself.

I’ve learned the hard way when to shut up.

I’m still loud, though.
 
The only tongue I can control is mine. So … think twice or maybe thrice in certain circumstances.
God bless.
 
I used to talk a lot. Had to fill in all the silences with words or an observation. I also teach school, so the constant talking just seemed normal.

Then I went on a silent retreat. IT TAUGHT ME TO HUSH! So much can be communicated without words. Idle chatter is just noise. I have made three more retreats and I am a much calmer and patient person as a result. A much better listener, too. I like myself so much better quiet!

Lamentations 3:26
It is good that he waits silently
For the salvation of the LORD.
 
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Christphr:
In The Imitation of Christ we read :

"SHUN the gossip of men as much as possible, for discussion of worldly affairs, even though sincere, is a great distraction inasmuch as we are quickly ensnared and captivated by vanity.

"Many a time I wish that I had held my peace and had not associated with men. Why, indeed, do we converse and gossip among ourselves when we so seldom part without a troubled conscience? We do so because we seek comfort from one another’s conversation and wish to ease the mind wearied by diverse thoughts. Hence, we talk and think quite fondly of things we like very much or of things we dislike intensely. But, sad to say, we often talk vainly and to no purpose; for this external pleasure effectively bars inward and divine consolation.

"Therefore we must watch and pray lest time pass idly.

"When the right and opportune moment comes for speaking, say something that will edify.

“Bad habits and indifference to spiritual progress do much to remove the guard from the tongue. Devout conversation on spiritual matters, on the contrary, is a great aid to spiritual progress, especially when persons of the same mind and spirit associate together in God.”
 
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