Expecting first child in June. Mother is stressing me out (kind of long, sorry)

[jazzy0710]

jazzy0710;11784836:

Ill

. /QUOTE]

I have found this book very helpful: *Wounds That Heal: Bringing Our Hurts to the Cross *by Stephen A. Seamands.
Moving away would be a great start. .

Thank you Contra Mundum I will definitely check out that book. As for moving, yes it may seem like a good idea but it’s not that simple. My husband is in the Navy and is posted to a ship here in this city. Getting a posting elsewhere isn’t that likely.

 

[His_helpmeet]

Sadly, you’re not the first woman I’ve seen who has mother/MIL problems of this sort. My standard go-to advice for these situations:

1. Advise her that you have enough clothes and can’t accept any more. If she keeps giving them to you, donate them to a crisis pregnancy centre or a women’s shelter.
2. Do NOT call her when you go into labour. Shut your phones off. Register as private at the hospital and tell the nurses that you do not want her visiting.
3. Advise her that YOU will call HER when you’re ready to receive visitors. (She sounds like the kind of person who, if you give her a day to visit, would show up at the crack of dawn even if you didn’t feel like company, pounding on the door and yelling, “You PROMISED!”) I suggest even advising her that if she calls you before you’re ready it will result in a delay in her being allowed to see the baby as you will not be able to get the rest you need. Lock your doors when you go home (change the locks if she has a key) and don’t let her in if you don’t want company.
4. If you’re concerned about “grabby hands”, babywearing is often a great idea - plus it helps you and baby to feel close. My only recommendation is not to get a carrier that is forward-facing with baby on your front as these are not good for baby’s hips.
5. This woman has a history of abuse. If she spanked you hard enough to leave marks that constitutes physical abuse. IMHO, NO ONE with a history of abuse should EVER be allowed “alone time” with a young child. Not only that, but she has already indicated that she will not respect your parenting decisions. This is NOT a person who needs to have a substantial influence on your child. Quite frankly, I strongly recommend that if she doesn’t go along with your boundaries, you consider not allowing her a relationship with your son. Allowing an adult around a child indicates to the child that that adult is a “safe person”. If she’s prepared to disrespect your parenting decisions and undermine you and DH, she’s not a “safe person”.

 

[ThyKingdomCome]

I thought about that, but it’s easier said then done. If I didn’t call her and my father and they happened to call me and couldn’t get a hold of me they would keep calling me repeatedly and if that didn’t work they’d start calling my husband’s phone and if they couldn’t get him they’d just come directly to the hospital and give me an earful for not calling them.

Both for this particular problem, and probably just to help set boundaries, I would suggest distancing yourself from them now. Don’t be quite so available by phone. It will only be obvious when you don’t call back when you’re in labor, if that is the only time you don’t call right back or pick up the phone.