A
As_for_my_House
Guest
Whenever we are trying to decide who to invite out with us for a night out my husband always pushes his sister and her husband. i have told him that we have tried that and that I am not interested in having a couple friendship with his sister. I am ok with family events but the couple to couple interaction doesn’t work.
The one problem is that the sister is very negative around me. She contradicts and tries to correct me. She questions anything I say that I would like to do, like paint my kitchen cabinets. Why would you go and do that? she says. I am a very good decorator in my opinion and most people love my decorating. She on the other hand has no taste, not being critical i’st just a fact and not one that I would ever express to her. She tries to act morally superior, using relativism at her guide. She discounts my moral values as old fashioned or too religious. She is no friend to my marriage because she is always trying to pull my husband aside so that she can privately influence him telling him what he should and should not do. I do not like the way my husband acts around her. I do not like that she tries to exclude me from conversations. My husband goes along with her dominating conversation and becomes completely agreeable to all of her ideas even when they are against our family values and the teachings of our catholic faith. She is the one who brings up these touchy subjects like abortion, homosexual marriage etc. It upsets me to hear my husband making compromises about these pro-abortion, divorce, and homosexual agendas.
She is married to a man who left his wife . She doesn’t like his daughters so the husband visits them separately.I like his daughters and I think they got the shaft when she came into their lives. SILs family claim to be Jewish but I think they are secular. She talks about their homosexual rabbi, how he is now allowed to marry his lover and that they think he is a wonderful moral guide. Again the pushing of their liberal agenda on the naive catholic relatives who don’t know any better. We are now allowed to disagree with her opinions. She has allowed her son to smoke pot and drink alcohol and have a live in girlfriend who sleeps in his room, this started when he was 15 and I witnessed all of this first hand. She has recently had to put her son, now 23 in a drug rehab and it’s a big family secret that my husband and I are not suppose to know about but the gossip got out as it always does. Now my husband is trying to pretend that her son is in Florida living and working now because he rewrites things in his head to make my SIL look like she has the prefect life. He makes excuses for her and actually lies to himself about the things she says and does. This is a big red flag for me that tells me that my husband can not separate fact from fiction in the dysfunctional life that his sister creates.
This is a small snapshot of my 30+ years with my husband’s family. I have tried many things over the years and the results have been poor. My main concern is not the development of a friendship with SIL but to get my husband to see the reality of the dysfunction in his relationship with his sister so that we can set healthy boundaries.
My husband needs to make new friends he says he doesn’t have time to make friends but complains that we always go out with my friends(they are our friends). This is when he says (and he does this every time) why don’t we invite his sister out socially.
I have sons grown too. And have been made a bad guy over the years for not inviting them to my home regularly. One of the last time SIL was here, left her under age son to stay at my house with my boys then 25, 27 and beer was being served and my sons told me he was drinking but that they would drive him home. Now I being the owner of the house could have been arrested for this so I never invited them again. My husband says he probably wasn’t drinking, again this is a lie that my husband made up in his head.
I could go on but this give you a pretty good picture, please understand I am not here to bash her but to explain why I find her a treat to my own family and marriage.
I personally want to stick to my guns about SIL. I cant see where my husband can ever make good judgment about his sister, her influence and boundaries have not been possible to set because my husband won’t back them.
I
The one problem is that the sister is very negative around me. She contradicts and tries to correct me. She questions anything I say that I would like to do, like paint my kitchen cabinets. Why would you go and do that? she says. I am a very good decorator in my opinion and most people love my decorating. She on the other hand has no taste, not being critical i’st just a fact and not one that I would ever express to her. She tries to act morally superior, using relativism at her guide. She discounts my moral values as old fashioned or too religious. She is no friend to my marriage because she is always trying to pull my husband aside so that she can privately influence him telling him what he should and should not do. I do not like the way my husband acts around her. I do not like that she tries to exclude me from conversations. My husband goes along with her dominating conversation and becomes completely agreeable to all of her ideas even when they are against our family values and the teachings of our catholic faith. She is the one who brings up these touchy subjects like abortion, homosexual marriage etc. It upsets me to hear my husband making compromises about these pro-abortion, divorce, and homosexual agendas.
She is married to a man who left his wife . She doesn’t like his daughters so the husband visits them separately.I like his daughters and I think they got the shaft when she came into their lives. SILs family claim to be Jewish but I think they are secular. She talks about their homosexual rabbi, how he is now allowed to marry his lover and that they think he is a wonderful moral guide. Again the pushing of their liberal agenda on the naive catholic relatives who don’t know any better. We are now allowed to disagree with her opinions. She has allowed her son to smoke pot and drink alcohol and have a live in girlfriend who sleeps in his room, this started when he was 15 and I witnessed all of this first hand. She has recently had to put her son, now 23 in a drug rehab and it’s a big family secret that my husband and I are not suppose to know about but the gossip got out as it always does. Now my husband is trying to pretend that her son is in Florida living and working now because he rewrites things in his head to make my SIL look like she has the prefect life. He makes excuses for her and actually lies to himself about the things she says and does. This is a big red flag for me that tells me that my husband can not separate fact from fiction in the dysfunctional life that his sister creates.
This is a small snapshot of my 30+ years with my husband’s family. I have tried many things over the years and the results have been poor. My main concern is not the development of a friendship with SIL but to get my husband to see the reality of the dysfunction in his relationship with his sister so that we can set healthy boundaries.
My husband needs to make new friends he says he doesn’t have time to make friends but complains that we always go out with my friends(they are our friends). This is when he says (and he does this every time) why don’t we invite his sister out socially.
I have sons grown too. And have been made a bad guy over the years for not inviting them to my home regularly. One of the last time SIL was here, left her under age son to stay at my house with my boys then 25, 27 and beer was being served and my sons told me he was drinking but that they would drive him home. Now I being the owner of the house could have been arrested for this so I never invited them again. My husband says he probably wasn’t drinking, again this is a lie that my husband made up in his head.
I could go on but this give you a pretty good picture, please understand I am not here to bash her but to explain why I find her a treat to my own family and marriage.
I personally want to stick to my guns about SIL. I cant see where my husband can ever make good judgment about his sister, her influence and boundaries have not been possible to set because my husband won’t back them.
I