Extremely distressing religious thoughts: Scrupulous or am I really sinning?

[ShrodingersCat]

Thank you everyone for your messages. I ended up just giving up meat today. I still felt kind of guilty but it felt freeing to just live normally. I guess I’m really struggling with trying to determine how God wants me to live. I tell others that God loves them, but I have so much trouble comprehending that God really loves us.

I feel as though a large part of my faith has always been anxiety driven and it’s hard to face the fact that maybe I dont actually believe in God. Does anyone have tips to come to understand how to grow in faith. I go to church weekly and do pray often, but again, don’t really feel like my prayers are as deep in conversation with God as they could be.

I’m sure it’s never easy, but thanks again for the help. Hopefully I can talk to a priest about these feelings.

I can relate to you quite a bit.

In my opinion, praying when you don’t feel like it or don’t feel the benefits of it (making you content, etc) is very pleasing to God.

Having doubts about God is OK, we should seek the answers to any questions that we have though. That will cause you to learn more about God and grow in your faith.

I think my faith was always largely anxiety driven. I would say the three stages of faith I’ve had are 1) going through the motions and doing what I “have” to do 2) anxiety driven and 3) childlike simplicity (when I was like 7 and under ). I guess that list is in reverse chronological order… so I can only guess at what good advice would be (I’m working on my own spiritual life ATM).

You sound to me like you are trying very hard. A good priest or someone you can talk to about your faith will really help. But everyone’s faith story is different. You probably should focus on how loving God is. Maybe instead of praying, sometimes just talk to God as if he is your friend. And think about him and how much he loves you?

Don’t worry too much about extra penance if it is causing you distress.

 

[fred_conty]

I don’t know you that well to give you absolute advice but I noticed a couple of things you said that need attention.

You said that what you gave up caused you so much problem and that you thought that it should be easy to do because you were doing it for Jesus, but that it was not easy. That is the nature of penance…that it isn’t easy and does cause us to be uncomfortable. We do feel it and that is good because than we have this to offer up to the Father with the Masses throughout the world. And thank him that it is uncomfortable.

You mentioned coffee being a hard to give up and then you over take it the next day. I can share with you something that happened to me with coffee that may help.
One weekend I did not drink coffee quite by accident. I didn’t think anything of it. Come Monday I had a huge headache and I rarely get headaches. Then it dawned on me that I hadn’t had coffee for two days. And then after I had coffee the headache stopped. It is somewhat similiar with those who smoke.

Because you are having such a hard time on Wednesdays and Fridays, I would suggest you give up the idea entirely. Do something else less difficult, but that dosen’t mean give up doing anything. Just give it some thought and then pass it by any priest so see what they think. Start out small, and let yourself grow into something more difficult down the road in time. The Holy Spirit will guide you in this when the time is right.

“You will show me the paths of life, the fullness of joy before your face, and delights at your right hand until the end of time.”
Psalm 15

 

[Monica4316]

Thank you everyone for your messages. I ended up just giving up meat today. I still felt kind of guilty but it felt freeing to just live normally. I guess I’m really struggling with trying to determine how God wants me to live. I tell others that God loves them, but I have so much trouble comprehending that God really loves us.

I feel as though a large part of my faith has always been anxiety driven and it’s hard to face the fact that maybe I dont actually believe in God. Does anyone have tips to come to understand how to grow in faith. I go to church weekly and do pray often, but again, don’t really feel like my prayers are as deep in conversation with God as they could be.

I’m sure it’s never easy, but thanks again for the help. Hopefully I can talk to a priest about these feelings.

Meg, remember Jesus wants us to serve Him with joy and peace. But He is very compassionate with you if you don’t have this joy and peace right now. If anyone at all understands us from our own perspective, it’s Him

Even if your faith is affected by anxiety, it doesn’t mean you don’t have faith. You still have the gift of faith because it’s only by the Holy Spirit that we can call God "Father’ or say that Jesus is Lord. If you believe in Jesus, which you do, that is already a grace, so you already have that gift. You just need to grow in hope and trust perhaps, which I do as well

I believe that God wants us to do everything from love of Him. For this, we need to understand His love first. Maybe it could help you to just spend time talking to Jesus about His love and asking Him to help you understand it. Often spiritual reading can help, like a good book about God’s love or mercy.

One book I like is called “He and I”, by Gabrielle Bossis. She was a Catholic mystic who lived last century and the book is just very simple loving things Jesus said to her. The book has an Imprimatur. It’s a translation from the French. The book has helped many people I think to open up to Jesus’ love for them.

God bless you