The kind and number thing scares me. I could easily say that I’ve broken X commandment… but saying Y number of times would be an outright lie b/c I truly have no earthly idea how many times I’ve broken them. How should I handle that?
As for knowing that it’s a general confession, I didn’t specifically state that I wanted to confess. I have an outline of things I would like to discuss. I just figured that I would end with my confession and go on to do my penance after parting ways. I imagine that an hour would be plenty long, though. I was also told that going over wouldn’t be an issue. Do you think this is something I should still mention ahead of time?
Thank you for your thoughtful reply, too.
I would mention in the course of your conversation, or even as you get started, that you would like to make a confession before you leave. That way he’ll be sure to leave enough time for it.
Don’t stress out about the kind and number thing. Just make the best estimate you can give. It is okay if you are fuzzy to say, for example, “I told serious lies between 50 and 100 times, and I made a rash judgment of my dad between 200 and 500 times.” Or whatever.
The sacrament isn’t an SAT exam.
You should prepare for confession before actually doing it (in your case, I’d use an examination of conscience from the Internet or a book). You have to have at least some amount of contrition for what you did (basically, "I am sorry for doing “x”). You have to have a firm purpose of amendment–“I am going to try to not do that again.” You have to state your mortal sins in kind and number. You have to do your penance.
That is the basic structure, and it frankly isn’t anything to worry about. Because God isn’t looking for a reason to reject you or your confession. The priest isn’t likely going to tell you to start over again because you failed at your confession. It is okay if you accidentally forget something–just mention it next time. It is okay if your estimate of “number” is a little fuzzy. What is not okay is hiding anything from your confessor. What is not okay to intentionally blowing off something in confession out of embarrassment or whatever. But if you are doing your best with a heart full of contrition and desire to make a good confession, RELAX. You aren’t being graded.
The most important advice is to simply be honest, brutally honest. First, be brutally honest in your examination of conscience. Second, be honest with your confessor. Tell him that you feel nervous and scared and that you don’t really know what to do. He’ll help you (it is his job, no?). Finally, be honest with your confession, be honest with God. Don’t beat around the bush with your sins. It is not weird to feel super uncomfortable talking openly about really intimate things, shameful things, etc., but the sacrament will heal those things if you give them to our Lord.
But keep in mind this: your priest has heard it all, and God knows it all. The shameful and “unspeakable” things you’ve done are the reason why Jesus Christ died on the Cross, and they are why he gave us the sacrament of Penance. When you approach God in confession (and in prayer), you have to give him even the messy parts of your life–no matter how shameful and ugly they may be. I’d say that it is basically impossible to grow in faith and holiness–and to experience real Christian joy–if you can’t open yourself to God’s mercy and love, if you can’t abandon everything to him. The guilt you feel for what you have done is what Christ offers to bear for you, indeed what he HAS borne for you. It feels awesome to give that up, doesn’t it? You don’t have to pretend any more. You don’t have to fake “having it all together,” being a good person, etc. Christ is making you new again, drawing you closer and closer to him and to the kind of life he desires you to experience.
I’ve been brutally honest with myself throughout this journey back, but actually telling all of these things to a priest, face-to-face, is what is making me especially uneasy.
He used those exact words, EasterJoy!