Facebook Users, what do we owe eachother?

[DisorientingSneeze]

I think there are as many ways to use it as there are people that use it, but one of my Facebook friends has launched some kind of video campaign to inspire/scold people about what Facebook is for.

I disagree with her assessment of what it is for/ what we owe eachother. She believes we owe eachother transparency and authenticity so we don’t make people feel bad comparing themselves to our curated selves. I think when you are married with children the “dirt” you might share for the sake of authenticity is likely to concern not just you, but your marriage and children. Your obligation to protect them and not speak ill of them on the internet supercedes anything you owe your Facebook friends 1000 times over. I wish I could discuss it on Facebook or even with her, but I don’t love the combativeness. It makes me very grateful for the level of anonymity and general courtesy here!

Anyway:

1. What do you use Facebook for?
2. What are some of your rules for yourself?
3. What if anything do you think Facebook users owe eachother?

If you aren’t on Facebook, you’re so much cooler than me!

 

[DisorientingSneeze]

1. What I use it for has changed dramatically. I used to use it to find people in the same college course and section to make study groups. Now, I use it to tell stories and jokes. I use it for some of the group pages and Catholic content I like. I use it to share pictures of the kids goings ons and on some level I use it to feel less alone during long days at home without other adults. I have started using it to make Chatbooks ( photo albums that print from your Facebook) I’m sure the emphasis had changed a bit since I started using it to collect (mostly positive)memories. That’s the sort of thing my friend is railing against. People who look like they’re always having fun with their kids make her feel like a bad mom. I think I tell plenty of self-deprecating stories but I never disparage my kids.
2. Rules for myself. Do not engage anyone in the comments section of anything Facebook. Do not buy anything from people filling it all up with their MLMS. Do post anything embarrassing or negative about my husband or children. I also dont do long lovey dovey posts, I more chronicle our adventures. I’m not opposed to other people’s lovey dovey posts I just try to do my part not to rub it in.
3. What do we owe other Facebook users? Civility and to some degree authenticity, but I think you can be authentic without airing your family’s dirty laundry.

 

[lilypadrees]

• What do you use Facebook for?
• What are some of your rules for yourself?
• What if anything do you think Facebook users owe eachother?

I keep my account set to"private." So only the people I wish to be in contact with see my posts. Some family and real life friends and of course, parish activities.

The main rule I have for myself is not to post anything online (FB or elsewhere) that I would be ashamed or embarrassed for others to see.

I try to respect the views of all I communicate with even in disagreement. We owe respect and civility to one another no matter where we post online.

 

[Cruciferi]

What do you use Facebook for?

Nothing

What are some of your rules for yourself?

• No Twitter
• No Facebook
• No Instagram

What if anything do you think Facebook users owe eachother?

Beyond simple etiquette, You owe nothing to anyone on Social Media. Share as little or as much as you want.

Think Twice Post Once

If you aren’t on Facebook, you’re so much cooler than me!

I know.

 

[ZMystiCat]

What do you use Facebook for?

I like sharing pictures of my cat, and I sometimes post status updates about what’s going on in my life. I occasionally use Messenger to communicate with others as well. For the most part, though, I stay rather quiet and have set my account to private.

What are some of your rules for yourself?

I avoid politics. About 7 - 8 years ago, I did use Facebook for political stuff, but then I realized I was being obnoxious, and now I look back on those days with horror, especially since a lot of my friends and family haven’t stopped.

I also tend to avoid religion. I only have like 2 - 3 friends on Facebook who are Catholic. Most of the rest are Protestant, Hindu, or atheist, and many are very vocal, to put it mildly. I don’t feel like reliving the politics stuff but with religion.

What if anything do you think Facebook users owe eachother?

Charity and honesty when you do post. This doesn’t just go for yourself or those who may see the post but for everyone. Too many posts and comments on the platform are meant to teardown others, whether the person knows them personally or just due to the one they’re tearing down being a public figure.

Beyond that, you don’t owe anyone any information about yourself.

 

[Joe_5859]

What do you use Facebook for?

Mainly to keep up with family and old friends. It’s fun to see that so-and-so who I haven’t seen in years just had a baby, and stuff like that. It reminds me to pray for people. I had a couple of high school friends pass away in the past year, and I never would have known without Facebook.

What are some of your rules for yourself?

I tend to post very little. I, too, don’t want to divulge TMI with regards to my family life. I also avoid the lovey dovey posts. Not to knock those who do, as I’m sure many are sincere, but I would feel very awkward doing that. I knew a couple that was always exchanging such posts in between the unfriending and refriending each other every time they had a fight.

What if anything do you think Facebook users owe eachother?

I’ll second the “charity and honesty”. That should be part of all our human interactions, not just on Facebook.

But I have a hard time with people who act as though we have some sort of obligation to chime in to every post we see. I know I have some Facebook friends that are frequently posting things that are basically trying to guilt people for not engaging with their posts. Sorry, I don’t go on Facebook every day. And I won’t allow myself to be manipulated into responding. It makes me feel the same as all those old email chain letters. “Forward this cheesy picture of a dog smelling a flower captioned by a trite cliché to 20 friends if you love Jesus. If you don’t, it means you’re ashamed of Jesus. For shame!”

I can respect what your friend is getting at, though. There are a lot of people who get themselves in a bad mental state because they are comparing the worst of themselves to the best of all their friends on social media. That’s certainly a very real danger that some people face, and we should take steps to minimize those risks. But I don’t think the solution is to encourage more people to air all their dirty laundry. That would backfire in a big way.

I had a friend just the other day who shared a nice thing her husband did for her. She did qualify it by saying that they have their ups and downs as any married couple does. I thought that was a thoughtful way to address such a concern. She didn’t need to give specific examples of the times they fight or are less than perfect to each other. But it did avoid her coming across as painting a one-dimensional, overly rosy picture.

Still, I don’t know that I’d say she owed it to her friends to make that qualification. I’d rather teach my kids to be discerning of the image that their friends portray on social media rather than teach my kids to transparently share all their foibles with the world wide web.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

My primary use of Facebook is to keep up with a couple hundred friends I know in real life but who I rarely see because they live at a distance from me, mostly in different states and some in foreign countries, and we’re all pretty busy with jobs and life stuff (elderly parents, children, relationships, travel, health stuff, dealing with bereavement, etc.) . I generally see these people from time to time, but in many cases it’s just once a year or two.

My secondary use of Facebook is to keep up with a number of animal charities, animal groups, joke groups, and prayer groups that I find inspiring or that otherwise put a smile on my face. I donate to a lot of the animal charities, which generally focus on providing food and medical care for animals who are orphaned, injured, need rehabilitation, or are in a war zone. I also have used Facebook to help rescue various cats.

My third major use of Facebook is to keep up with community groups for the towns in which I spend the most time. This allows me to know about local events, grassroots political issues, other concerns like when there’s coyotes roaming the neighborhood or a rash of burglaries, etc .

My fourth use of Facebook is to keep up with some events, such as rock concerts, art exhibitions, and special Masses. I find the event promos and reminders to be helpful.

That’s about everything that I use Facebook for. I’m really not a fan of other people lecturing me (or others) on Facebook use. I think each person should be allowed to use it for what they want to use it for and if you don’t like it, then don’t read it. I am happy that the vast majority of my friends don’t have time or inclination to lecture people on Facebook use for the most part. I honestly can’t understand why anyone would think I or anyone else would care about their opinion on How I Should Use My Facebook. I have friends who post all day complaining about politics and I feel quite free to hide their posts, snooze them for 30 days or even unfriend them, but no way would I tell them what they should and shouldn’t post. If it violated TOS on violence or porn, I might report the post anonymously but I don’t have that kind of friend.

The whole world seems to be full of a bunch of people who think somebody died and made them boss to tell other people what they “should” do. I have had the same response to these people since I was about 19 but it’s not CAF-friendly so I cannot post it here.

 

[Tis_Bearself]

She believes we owe eachother transparency and authenticity so we don’t make people feel bad comparing themselves to our curated selves.

Tell your “friend” you’re not responsible for some other person’s feelings and that if a person feels bad reading about other people’s happy moments or cool vacations on Facebook, then they need to quit reading it.