Fallen Away Family Member

[StJoseph2014]

My sister-in-law is a cradle Catholic (non-practicing) who is fairly negative towards the Church for a variety of reasons (gay marriage, abortion, no women priests, “I don’t need church”, etc.) - also ambivalent towards Christianity/religion in general. I on the other had am a new Catholic (Easter 2014) and SO happy to be in the Church - and she knows this about me.

At this point i consider myself a fairly well-informed Catholic - I have been reading a lot, including a couple of atheist-to-Catholic conversion books. My sister-in-law noticed this, and commented that I should read about “the other side” (Catholic-to-atheist conversions) to “consider all points of view.” I told her I would - I like to look at all sides as I believe it strengthens my faith.

I’m half expecting to get a book from her on this topic for Christmas, and I wonder if this will present me with a good opportunity to ask her to read a book to help her reconsider her attitude towards the Church and the faith. I don’t want something too theological as she has very little familiarity with the Church/scripture/etc.

Any ideas/suggestions/pitfalls to avoid? For reference, she’s read Something Other Than God (Fulwiler), and the book that prompted her comment was Not God’s Type (Ordway).

Thanks in advance and Merry Christmas to all!!

 

[Evania]

If you want to exchange books with your sister in law, check out, Atheist to Catholic: Stories of Conversion by: Rebecca Vitz Cherico. It’s available thorough Amazon for $12.84. There are some used copies for even less.

The best advice I can give is what St. Paul said: “We don’t battle against flesh and blood but against the powers of darkness.” Keep praying for God’s grace to wash over your sister in law, but also pray that she ACCEPTS His grace. He can keep pouring it over her, but she needs to accept it. My other bit of advice is to not read her atheist literature, but to research the atheist claims from a Catholic’s perspective- maybe one who has experienced that conversion. In that case, this book might be good for you as well. The danger in reading a non-Christian perspective of the atheist argument is that the devil is very real and is very crafty. He wants you in his net as well. You can still research the subject, become informed, and stay entirely within a Christian framework.

 

[pianistclare]

This is good advice. ^^^

But honestly, I don’t feel the need to explain myself or my reasoning, or my beliefs to anyone who plans to tell me I’m wrong.
I don’t care about their opinions. I have formed my own, thanks very much, and I have 2000 years of scholarship to draw on.

Evil has been around a long time as well…but in the end, the believers will triumph.
God said so.

Hope you have a peaceful Christmas.
God bless you.

 

[Richard_White]

Rediscover Catholicism by Matthew Kelly is a very good book, and I don’t find it too theological (although I never read through the entire thing myself). A lot of people love and recommend this book, so she might find it inspiring.

amazon.com/Rediscover-Catholicism-Matthew-Kelly/dp/1937509672

May God bless you and grant your sister-in-law peace and understanding of His Will!

 

[angell1]

This is good advice. ^^^

But honestly, I don’t feel the need to explain myself or my reasoning, or my beliefs to anyone who plans to tell me I’m wrong.
I don’t care about their opinions. I have formed my own, thanks very much, and I have 2000 years of scholarship to draw on.

Evil has been around a long time as well…but in the end, the believers will triumph.
God said so.

Hope you have a peaceful Christmas.
God bless you.

not to mention, most of these types, don’t actually care one way or the other about your opinions

they’re just trying to stir up something, just for fun.

most likely, your sister-in-law, does not really know why the church teaches what she does. there are many like her. I used to be one too.

in this case, arguing doctrine is probably going to be unproductive. church teaching doesn’t go in until people really discover God and his love. until then. they won’t care about things that they don’t perceive to be sins. they really need to know that they are sinners in need of a saviour first

I recommend Catherine of Siena’s bridge analogy as a starting point. it’s in her dialogue

 

[StJoseph2014]

Very good suggestions everyone. She really knows almost nothing about why the Church teaches what she does, and I honestly don’t think she cares at this point. She had a bad experience when she was younger (involving a priest who was not charitable to her father) and it’s colored her opinion of the church ever since.

I don’t really expect her to come back (although I would be happy if she did). I guess i just want her to see the Church in a slightly different light - maybe just enough to start some healing and get her to open up her mind a little.

 

[pianistclare]

Very good suggestions everyone. She really knows almost nothing about why the Church teaches what she does, and I honestly don’t think she cares at this point. She had a bad experience when she was younger (involving a priest who was not charitable to her father) and it’s colored her opinion of the church ever since.

I don’t really expect her to come back (although I would be happy if she did). I guess i just want her to see the Church in a slightly different light - maybe just enough to start some healing and get her to open up her mind a little.

The only way that will happen is if you show her how peace-filled you are by forgiving her brashness and being kind in the face of mockery. That’s what Jesus did.
Have a beautiful Christmas.

 

[jimsnew]

The only way that will happen is if you show her how peace-filled you are by forgiving her brashness and being kind in the face of mockery. That’s what Jesus did.
Have a beautiful Christmas.

I think I have something to add here. While I was never an abortion supporter, etc. I knew very little about Catholics, but through a quirk of fate ended up married to one. I had been in a disastrous marriage (married at 20) then met a woman who I fell in love with and married, due to me being married before, we were married outside the Catholic Church. She had been raised traditionally, father was an altar boy, she went to Mass three or four times a week, etc.

Fast forward! We have been married 28 years, kids raised Catholic, a completely different situation than before, I had started undercover study of Catholicism, as I am an analytical type by nature. The more I studied the faith, the more I discovered that all the things that made my wife special, a giving attitude, devotion to family, kindness, charity, total unselfishness, were the things she had been taught her whole life in the church.

The end result, right before our anniversary, I toyed with the idea of converting, our anniversary is in Sept, so I checked into what I had to do, by some accident, the RCIA classes were just beginning, and the ones at her parents’ church were on one of only two nights of the week that I got off work early enough to go. Is this all a coincidence? I think not! I guess my point is that all the arguing and books is nowhere near as convincing as a good example. I was religious (raised Baptist), but it took me 28 years.

It isn’t a race.

 

[PJM]

My sister-in-law is a cradle Catholic (non-practicing) who is fairly negative towards the Church for a variety of reasons (gay marriage, abortion, no women priests, “I don’t need church”, etc.) - also ambivalent towards Christianity/religion in general. I on the other had am a new Catholic (Easter 2014) and SO happy to be in the Church - and she knows this about me.

At this point i consider myself a fairly well-informed Catholic - I have been reading a lot, including a couple of atheist-to-Catholic conversion books. My sister-in-law noticed this, and commented that I should read about “the other side” (Catholic-to-atheist conversions) to “consider all points of view.” I told her I would - I like to look at all sides as I believe it strengthens my faith.

I’m half expecting to get a book from her on this topic for Christmas, and I wonder if this will present me with a good opportunity to ask her to read a book to help her reconsider her attitude towards the Church and the faith. I don’t want something too theological as she has very little familiarity with the Church/scripture/etc.

Any ideas/suggestions/pitfalls to avoid? For reference, she’s read Something Other Than God (Fulwiler), and the book that prompted her comment was Not God’s Type (Ordway).

Thanks in advance and Merry Christmas to all!!

It’s IMPORTANT for you to understand just who is in charge.

It can only be you or God; and no “time-sharing” the role.

It IS God who is in charge of conversions. You’re sister-in-law is not rightly catechized. Therefore you need to do the following:

Pray much for her

MODEL Catholicism for her to see it in action

And when the Holy Spirit invites you [that quiet voice in you head & heart] INVITE her to Mass with you; BUT don’t force it!

Forcing our faith is never a good Idea and can only back-fire on both parties.

God Bless you!